constantly afraid

[hollandroad]

i've always had anxiety but lately it's been kicked into overdrive and nothing can help me because i keep convincing myself that i'm going to die. lately i've been terrified of getting a foodbourne illness so i've stopped eating meat. even though i stopped eating meat, i can't eat anything without thinking that it could some how be contaminated with something. my fears are literally one thing after another and they never make sense.

all of my fears somehow lead back to me dying and i want it to stop. like, i'm expecting something in the mail soon and my brain convinced me that somehow it could have the ebola virus on it and i'll die. as i type that out it seems so ridiculous but i'm still freaked out and i feel like there's nothing i can do and i feel doomed and trapped and i want to scream and pull my hair out because i'm so scared of dying. especially because of something stupid and easily preventable.

nothing i do can make me feel better because i think i'm going to die. i want to talk to my mom about this but i'm afraid she'll be mad at me for being so stupid.

i just want tips for stuff to make me feel better or help me out because i just want to live my life again. please help :(

[billash]

Hey there. Don't worry you are not alone. And you're not being stupid (nor would your mom if she knew just how distressed you feel). I so feel for you. I know what it's like - world becomes smaller and smaller until you are afraid to literally touch anything right?
I've been there. I've pulled my hair out in frustration. I felt so so scared and frightened. And ashamed of feeling the way I did. It's ALL part of one big ol knarly mess.
All these fears and conflicting feelings right?
Have you spoken to anyone about how you feel?
If you havnt (cause I know, it took me forever to talk to someone) then maybe think about it.
One thing I will say and I PROMISE you this. You are not alone/ many MANY people go through this and come out the other side. And finally whoever you do decide to talk to (preferably a doc or nurse ?)- don't be surprised to learn they know exactly what you're going thru. And NO youre not going crazy or losing your mind or dying.
You are just having a tough old time with obsessive thoughts.
Reach out if you can. This forum is great. And when ready Hav a chat to someone who can support you.
You will get there. Don't b mad at yourself

C

[hollandroad]

i just feel so hopeless right now and i don't know where to turn. if i start to feel calm i feel stupid for letting my guard down and then i start to panic again. i'm so tired.

[JohnC]

I know its hard but just try and tell yourself that it is your anxiety. I have been doing it to myself for years ( health anxiety ) infact i have been near death so many times i can not count but yet here i am posting on the net. A lot of us have been right where your at. Peace

[hollandroad]

i try to tell myself that it's just my brain being dumb but it is hard. and i'm fine sometimes but usually i'm scared and panicky and i feel lost

[PanicCured]

I have felt this way before as have many others. I will just offer a tiny piece of advice, when this whirlwind hits stop everything and sit still. Just sit, and stop everything. Allow all those thoughts to just come and do their thing but do not attach to them. You can get stuck on the roller coaster and when you do you just go on a wild ride. Try and jump off the ride and just be, allowing it all to just fade. Don't get caught up in it. Eventually it will just fade if you don't get caught up in it.

Part of the mystery of life is nobody knows when they will die or how they will die. This is reality. But we can do our best to live it as best as we can.

[panicallthetime]

Oh god I relate to this so much. The food stuff especially, and generally just thinking of the WORST stuff that could lead to me dying. Just before I nearly convinced myself I had drank too much water today and am gonna die from over hydration. It's so absurd and horrible. I've been trying to listen to music lately whenever I get these thoughts, like really chilled out happy music to try and trick my brain into chilling out. And I've been journalling too which seems to help in the moment that I'm having the thoughts because when I'm writing I have to slow my thoughts down and process them to get them on the page. Maybe you could try these two things. I'm sorry I'm not more helpful. I know what you're feeling and it's the frickin worst, I wish there was a magic pill I could take to fix it!

[SakuraFett]

Omg! The water thing I do all the time especially when I get sick. I am also always afraid that I drink too much orange juice when I have a cold and that I'm going to od on vitamin C! The unrealistic fears are the worst and it only makes it harder to deal with when we logically know that they are unrealistic.

[hollandroad]

thank you so much for replying. i like having distractions when i'm scared. it might sound weird but i like going to school when i'm scared because it distracts me from my problems because if i'm doing nothing by myself for too long i start overthinking things and that usually leads to trouble. good luck to all of you dealing with this as well!