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elephantsareneat
11-18-2014, 05:55 PM
Hey guys, I'm new here and thought I would share my story.

I began using MDMA two years ago. I have never touched another drug - not even weed! All of my friends were doing it and once I got into it, I felt as if it was the best decision I had ever made. MDMA gave me such strong feelings of empathy and love and physical satisfaction; it seemed innocent enough. I would do MDMA quite often- at least twice a month, 4 times at most. I never really suffered from comedowns either, so I figured it wasnt doing any harm.

In July of this year, I had reached a point where every time I tried to roll, I would end up sitting in bed in panic thinking that my heart was going to explode. Naturally, I figured I should just quit because it wasn't fun anymore.

A couple weeks after quitting cold turkey, I began getting panic attacks. I don't know if withdrawal from MDMA is a thing or not but I feel like I've been experiencing it for 5 months now. I have been to the ER 3 times- twice because I was experiencing all the signs of heart attacks. I wasnt, of course- I am a very healthy 22 year old female with an athletic physique who has had no prior health issues. The second time I went to the ER for chest pain, they made me stay overnight to monitor my heart, give me a CT scan, and an echocardiogram (ultrasound of the heart). The cardiologist said my heart was completely normal and sent me on my way. This was a little over a week ago and yesterday and today I was still experiencing heart attack symptoms, but I got my breathing in check and the symptoms have mostly gone away.

Getting breathing in check: Breathe through your lower lungs instead of your upper, like you naturally would in a state of panic. Put one hand on your chest and one hand on your stomach. As you inhale, your stomach should expand as your chest remains still. Push your stomach out while you breathe in. This GREATLY helps me.

I joined this site in hope for support and solace, as well as contributing to the support of others.
If I can give any advice, I would say DO NOT TOUCH MDMA. It is extremely mentally addicting, and it is the only thing in my life that I regret, as it has sent me into a life of fear and feeling trapped in my own mind.
If you have any things that have helped you particularly well, please let me know! :)

Rube Goldberg
11-18-2014, 07:29 PM
Hi elephants!!!! I'm so sorry this is happening to you. You've come to the right place when it comes to finding people who relate to your struggle.

It sounds like your brain was constantly overproducing serotonin from your frequent use and your natural ability to produce the chemical has been hindered. This isn't uncommon! You might not think that rolling molly every other week is a lot but it really is too much for your brain to handle and recover from. Sadly, it could take months and months before your brains natural serotonin production can recover. Try a LOW LOW dose of 5-htp (20mg or less) it's basically serotonin in a jar and adding just a little bit might be enough to get you through this nasty hump while allowing your brain to recover.

My opinion:
I think x is a good thing to try responsibly as a healthy adult. All politicians should be forced to roll before they take office haha. I'm all for it. BUT more than once a year is dangerous...especially in a young, developing brain that could risk being hardwired to not produce serotonin at all. In that sense, it cold be scary addictive.

I'm looking forward to updates on your recovery and I hope you find lots of love and support here!

elephantsareneat
11-19-2014, 01:01 AM
Thank you so much! I used to take 5HTP but I never really noticed a difference in myself. I agree with your opinion, I wish I would have stuck to taking it just once or twice. You live and you learn I guess!

Charles Price
12-04-2014, 04:48 PM
Thank you so much! I used to take 5HTP but I never really noticed a difference in myself. I agree with your opinion, I wish I would have stuck to taking it just once or twice. You live and you learn I guess!

A combination of drug use and trauma have contributed to my GAD and Health Anxiety. I have stopped recreational drug use completely now, MDMA pretty much messed with my brain chemistry, I was cycling between depression, anxiety for months on end. Every time I rolled I was anxious I couldn't relax until the drug started to peak.
Give it time and your serotonin levels will go back to normal. I remember the how amazing it did feel, It lost it's ''magic'' pretty quickly, I guess it's a learning curve.

lukeypoo1412
12-07-2014, 07:42 PM
A combination of drug use and trauma have contributed to my GAD and Health Anxiety. I have stopped recreational drug use completely now, MDMA pretty much messed with my brain chemistry, I was cycling between depression, anxiety for months on end. Every time I rolled I was anxious I couldn't relax until the drug started to peak.
Give it time and your serotonin levels will go back to normal. I remember the how amazing it did feel, It lost it's ''magic'' pretty quickly, I guess it's a learning curve.

MDMA definitely does not help with anxiety, it can lead to weeks of constant nervousness. Cleaning your system out and allowing your brain chemistry to go back to normal seems like the right idea!