self-destructive anxiety scaring people away

[s6boy81]

I was in an extremely abusive relationship with an extremely violent, alcoholic cocaine addict which I finally managed to finish in July. During the 2 years of the relationship, I was systematically broken down and threatened on a daily basis. I spent the last 4 months in a constant state of panic and anxiety and my entire personality changed as I struggled to cope.

Since ending the relationship, I have really tried to get myself back to a happy, normal state but this last weekend, the ugly side of my trauma took hold and I think I scared off my new friend.

My new mate is 10 years younger than me (I'm 33), but we get on well and have a good laugh together, and for the first time in years I felt happy. On Saturday however, he and I were on a road trip to see the chalk cliffs in a beachy Head. It was a wonderful and spiritual day for us both, but on the 3 hour journey home, I sort of lost the plot.

I've been getting a lot of stick from my other friends about hanging out with someone so much younger than me, and it has been making my anxiety sky rocket. I finally exploded in the car at my mate. It totally put a sour note on an otherwise great day, and I could see he was really uncomfortable but I couldn't stop. It was really ugly and I feel so ashamed for putting him in that position. The rest *of the journey back was really awkward and He's not answered my texts or calls since. I know it scared him to see me panic and lose the plot. He's such a genuinely lovely person, and I'm so scared I sabotaged what could have been a great friendship by bombarding him with my old behaviours and deep scars.*

I don't know what I should do to repair things. Should I tell him about the abuse I suffered and risk pushing him further away, or should I leave him to get on with things? I really don't want to lose him as my mate, but I don't want to be some broken, shattered nut job that he has to deal with. Any advice would be greatly appreciated as I'm going out of my mind.*

Thank you

[Im-Suffering]

I was in an extremely abusive relationship with an extremely violent, alcoholic cocaine addict which I finally managed to finish in July. During the 2 years of the relationship, I was systematically broken down and threatened on a daily basis. I spent the last 4 months in a constant state of panic and anxiety and my entire personality changed as I struggled to cope.

Since ending the relationship, I have really tried to get myself back to a happy, normal state but this last weekend, the ugly side of my trauma took hold and I think I scared off my new friend.

My new mate is 10 years younger than me (I'm 33), but we get on well and have a good laugh together, and for the first time in years I felt happy. On Saturday however, he and I were on a road trip to see the chalk cliffs in a beachy Head. It was a wonderful and spiritual day for us both, but on the 3 hour journey home, I sort of lost the plot.

I've been getting a lot of stick from my other friends about hanging out with someone so much younger than me, and it has been making my anxiety sky rocket. I finally exploded in the car at my mate. It totally put a sour note on an otherwise great day, and I could see he was really uncomfortable but I couldn't stop. It was really ugly and I feel so ashamed for putting him in that position. The rest *of the journey back was really awkward and He's not answered my texts or calls since. I know it scared him to see me panic and lose the plot. He's such a genuinely lovely person, and I'm so scared I sabotaged what could have been a great friendship by bombarding him with my old behaviours and deep scars.*

I don't know what I should do to repair things. Should I tell him about the abuse I suffered and risk pushing him further away, or should I leave him to get on with things? I really don't want to lose him as my mate, but I don't want to be some broken, shattered nut job that he has to deal with. Any advice would be greatly appreciated as I'm going out of my mind.*

Thank you

Honor yourself and the journey. Speak highly of the self. The experiences are not you, they are what the self went through and theres a clear line. I can see you, and you are beautiful. A special soul.

I want you to understand, that you resolved your problem. The relationship in itself caused long term brooding which induces a panic. Its normal to be left with some residual then. But, importantly, recognize it is resolved. For a long time you practiced a tight lip you see, and this repression acts as a churning volcano. No wonder you have periods of explosiveness. Now, you no longer need the tight lip, thus those beliefs can be changed. You do not have to live with the battle scars, you see. Who you are, is who you are now, not then. Make the distinction and don't fear the present for imaginary traces (the ghosts) of the past.

Learn and practice expression. It may be odd to say that, for who needs to practice self expression? Destructive forces or violence is an acquiesce to power-less feelings, and turns against the self tearing you up. You are not faced with such an impetus any longer so you must break free of the illusive chains. The behavior was explosive because of the knee jerk to repression, powerless to speak or act in your best interests. Those chains are mental now, but while they seem a part of your dark subconscious they are only feelings that need expression.

So if you wish, you can tell this mate, and that in itself will serve as a release of sorts, whether you keep or lose him is of no consequence here, for in the future you will attract more of his type, rather than the self harming beliefs of the past. I hope you understand. Words from me to you are not the easiest to come by in these situations. But I have done a simple job at the very least.

You took on beliefs by the self suggestions you gave yourself daily in that relationship, and those beliefs became your truth. Now, it is time to examine your mind and throw out the trash or empty the recycle bin, correct?

The main point is be aware of what you attract, more of the old, or some of the new. If this mate is some of the new, then you have already begun healing and envisioning a new life. And that does not include repression. Speak to him, you see, that is if nothing, highly symbolic.

Do the same with your critical friends, look at them, see them, period. Are they the old or the new, you see. You may lose a few on your journey. Protect your mind at all costs, im telling you. Become firm in your ideals and stand for no nonsense as in the past, or susceptibility to negative suggestions.

I salute you on your journey, we are all travelers, in any case.

[s6boy81]

Thank you for your powerful and insightful words.

I am apprehensive about telling him what's gone on in my life for fear of it all being too much. I know it'll upset him to hear and that would be arrogant and selfish of me. I do have to be honest with him though.

I'm so disappointed in myself that i allowed what had been a perfectly fine friendship to suffer my transferring all the baggage onto him. He doesn't deserve it and won't understand it.

I have spoken with another friend, and she's going to help me find a therapist who can help me with my particular mix of issues! I just pray he'll understand and stick around.

I'm still mega-anxious, but the heavy heart and residual panic are wearing off now.

[Rube Goldberg]

I haven't had much success in the past with opening up about my PTSD. New friends didn't want to deal with a "crazy lady" and old friends didn't believe me.

I've had to accept that people will come and go from my life and clinging to them wouldn't help me heal or grow.