penitentMalefactor
11-15-2014, 10:14 AM
So this is where I introduce myself. Let's see now... I am 27, live in the UK, and have had issues with depression and anxiety for as long as I can remember. Have mostly just tried to battle it on my own, precisely because of the anxiety. I seem to be overly sensitive to others' negative reactions. Experiencing these negative reactions evokes what seems to be a 'punishment' response within myself, which is a state of panic with intense guilt and self-loathing that usually leads to greatly increased suicidal urges. As this 'punishment' response is more unpleasant than words could describe, I end up fearing anything that has ever led to it happening. This stops me from doing many things.
I am also a rather obsessive perfectionist, to the point where I'll freak out over the tiniest, most inconsequential things being imperfect. Certain things involving numbers, for instance, have to be just right, going up in increments of 10 or double sets of 5. If they are not just right, I will feel panicky until I can make them just right.
Anxiety has rather a hold on me, and I've never been able to figure out how to shake it off. This is something that I feel terribly guilty about, as I know I should be able to just get over it, but alas, I lack the intelligence and wisdom to know how to do so...
So that's pretty much my situation. I can be rather intense in my anger at myself over this sort of thing, but I've learnt that even others who have, hm, 'problems upstairs' can end up frightened (or even offended) by that, so I shall be sure to restrain myself in my expression of it. While here I hope to perhaps gain insight into how to even begin to fix myself, and I look forward to talking with you all. :)
I am also a rather obsessive perfectionist, to the point where I'll freak out over the tiniest, most inconsequential things being imperfect. Certain things involving numbers, for instance, have to be just right, going up in increments of 10 or double sets of 5. If they are not just right, I will feel panicky until I can make them just right.
Anxiety has rather a hold on me, and I've never been able to figure out how to shake it off. This is something that I feel terribly guilty about, as I know I should be able to just get over it, but alas, I lack the intelligence and wisdom to know how to do so...
So that's pretty much my situation. I can be rather intense in my anger at myself over this sort of thing, but I've learnt that even others who have, hm, 'problems upstairs' can end up frightened (or even offended) by that, so I shall be sure to restrain myself in my expression of it. While here I hope to perhaps gain insight into how to even begin to fix myself, and I look forward to talking with you all. :)