Having a rough time...

[anxious jeff]

I'm 44 year old man who has had anxiety and depression since I was a small child. Having a rough night tonight, and am just so tired of anxiety, panic attacks, and depression. Besides going to work, which is getting harder and harder to do, I have no life. My anxiety (and mostly fatigue) keeps me from going out, meeting new people, and just having a life. I'm barley hanging on. I was married for twelve years and have been divorced now for about five years. I was in a relationship with a wonderful woman who I thought understood me, but after a few years she tells me she cant handle my mood swings and bailed on me a few months ago. feeling very alone tonight. My older brothers, my coworkers, my friends seem to have the energy to live and enjoy life. My goal everyday is to make it to the end of the day when I am at work, I get so anxious I have to get away from everyone just to "recharge". Going out is work and not pleasurable, I am never in the moment. Anxiety seems to define me, and no one in my life understands this... I keep thinking one day things are going to get better, but the truth is, im getting worse not better. Thanks for listening... not sure what lead me to this site, but I am no stranger to anxiety and depression. could use some prayers that things get better in my life.
Jeff

[KellyMN]

Jeff,
I feel very similar to this a lot. Making it to the end of the day I can completely relate to. Can I ask if you are generally an introvert? I definitely am, I appreciate my quietness, but then feel like I am avoiding which could be seen as bad also. I'm also curious if you are on meds, or ever have been? have they helped?
My anxiety seems to have came in waves.. so I know that it will eventually get better, but it seems to also always come back.

[anxious jeff]

I have been on several meds in the past, prozac was the best for me and I was on it for about four years, at least for the depression part it did help, but I never found anything that helped with the anxiety. I have not been on any meds for about a year now. My psyc doc said that prozac can lose its effectiveness over prolong use so she switched me to several other meds (after the fourth one I said no more about a year ago). The side effects were bad with the ones I tried and my anxiety was the same. So no meds at the moment. I wish I could find that "magic" drug that takes away my anxiety but its not out there. CBT worksheets have also worked for me to keep me going. It's a lot of work to write down your thoughts, examine them and then come up with alternative thoughts. But it does work and I recommend if you haven't tried "cbt worksheet" before than to try that. On really bad days it keeps me going and prevents me from leaving work when I really want to. I would love to be in a restaurant and enjoy my meal without feeling like I want to get up and run, or just be relaxed and enjoy life. My little brain just goes a hundred miles an hour and wears my butt out by the end of the day. I also have this ocd that I have to check my self in the mirror to make sure I "look" ok. Most the time when I check I see a tired man staring back at me in the reflection and hate the way I freaking look (and feel). My doc says I have a form of body dis-morphia where I preicive myself differently from reality (so my doc says). Kinda like an anoric thinks they are fat when they see their skinny body in the mirror, well I see myself as looking run down, sick, and plain ugly. Plus I am so tired ALL the time so that just kinda reaffirms my ocd. I Wake up exhausted and barley seem to have the energy to work my shift. Im in sales, and for someone with extreme anxiety its an awful field to be in, but it pays well and I cant seem to find anything that pays the same. Im also good at it, but I feel like Im faking my way through the day, trying so hard for people NOT to see how anxious, tired, and just plain wore out i AM. By the end of the day Im spent... I managedin my twenties to tough it out and just live with this anxiety, in my thirties it got harder and I seeked treatment and thearpy. Now I'm in my forties and it's getting tougher. I feel like I'm running out of answers and just not sure what to do to get feeling better. :-( I know I'm not alone in this, but sometimes it feels like I am. J