Ambition
11-12-2014, 09:59 AM
Over the past year I have found myself telling numerous lies to friends and neighbours to hide my anxiety and agoraphobia. I just feel so embarrassed and don't want pity or being patronised. I also fear that many people see anxiety as a weakness or that they faking it to avoid work. There are some friends who I feel I could share my secret with but with difficulty.
One person more an acquaintance rather than friend got angry because I didn't have a job ( I really do want to work). I later lied telling him I got a job in a car junk yard. A few weeks later thanks to my mom he found out I didn't have that job at all. Later he starts asking why I'm taking pills. Despite the fact that I'm not on any meds preferring to have CBT instead. That really embarrassed me :(. I mean in my case I need confidence and people to say good things about me but instead all I get is asked why I'm taking pills. Nobody ever says anything nice uplifting things about me. I have since lied again telling him I'm doing an online course and working from home as an online tutor just to shut him up. If I had something like cancer instead then I wouldn't feel ashamed, I would not be treat with so much contempt.
The other day my neighbour asked if I could help her son move a sofa. I'm happy to do manual work lifting etc but that meant driving into a busy town where I could have a panic attack. So again I lied saying that I had the dentist. I drove my car down to the village library which is less than half a mile away, a place within my comfort zone giving me the chance to move my car from the house so it looked like I had really gone to dentist. Of course just my rotten luck that the library car park is next to the bus stop and my neighbour may have seen my car when heading for the bus.
In all I just want to get treated and the condition to go away, get my confidence back before anyone finds out. A lot of people treat mental health sufferers, the anxious, depressed, PTSD with contempt.
All I really want in life is to get rid of my anxiety condition, gain confidence, be more outgoing, get a job and live like everyone else. It's not a lot to ask for is it?
Does any one else lie about their anxiety?
One person more an acquaintance rather than friend got angry because I didn't have a job ( I really do want to work). I later lied telling him I got a job in a car junk yard. A few weeks later thanks to my mom he found out I didn't have that job at all. Later he starts asking why I'm taking pills. Despite the fact that I'm not on any meds preferring to have CBT instead. That really embarrassed me :(. I mean in my case I need confidence and people to say good things about me but instead all I get is asked why I'm taking pills. Nobody ever says anything nice uplifting things about me. I have since lied again telling him I'm doing an online course and working from home as an online tutor just to shut him up. If I had something like cancer instead then I wouldn't feel ashamed, I would not be treat with so much contempt.
The other day my neighbour asked if I could help her son move a sofa. I'm happy to do manual work lifting etc but that meant driving into a busy town where I could have a panic attack. So again I lied saying that I had the dentist. I drove my car down to the village library which is less than half a mile away, a place within my comfort zone giving me the chance to move my car from the house so it looked like I had really gone to dentist. Of course just my rotten luck that the library car park is next to the bus stop and my neighbour may have seen my car when heading for the bus.
In all I just want to get treated and the condition to go away, get my confidence back before anyone finds out. A lot of people treat mental health sufferers, the anxious, depressed, PTSD with contempt.
All I really want in life is to get rid of my anxiety condition, gain confidence, be more outgoing, get a job and live like everyone else. It's not a lot to ask for is it?
Does any one else lie about their anxiety?