Any advice? Hypochindria?

[Jess Watkins]

Okay...so I have always been a mild hypochondriac since I was a little kid. But now it appears to be getting worse.

My mom passed away in August from cancer and I was her caregiver for two months. I saw a lot of scary things and went to visit her every other day as she went in and out of the hospital and ICU. It took a lot out of me I guess...and now that she is gone I am afraid I will die or go through something similar. First it was a brain tumor; I started twitching all over back in September, went to doc and was told it was all nerves. Then after the reassurance I calmed down and the twitches went away. Then my BP began to go up. One night it got up to 134/85 in the middle of the night. Now I am worried about my heart. I try to talk about what I am afraid of but no one takes me completely seriously, they all chalk it up to anxiety. But what if there is really something wrong? I always want to see a doctor now. It's not even funny. It makes me very sad. I am scared of getting ill and drying because I live with my dad and brother and have been their source of encouragement since mom died, if I died, I can't imagine how they would deal with it. Those fears are in my mind as I carefully examine each and every bump, pain and ache that happens in my body.

I don't want to be this way, but I can't help it. I am convinced there is always something wrong with me.

Anyone else have this? How do you cope. I am tired of this bruhs.

[Im-Suffering]

Okay...so I have always been a mild hypochondriac since I was a little kid. But now it appears to be getting worse.

My mom passed away in August from cancer and I was her caregiver for two months. I saw a lot of scary things and went to visit her every other day as she went in and out of the hospital and ICU. It took a lot out of me I guess...and now that she is gone I am afraid I will die or go through something similar. First it was a brain tumor; I started twitching all over back in September, went to doc and was told it was all nerves. Then after the reassurance I calmed down and the twitches went away. Then my BP began to go up. One night it got up to 134/85 in the middle of the night. Now I am worried about my heart. I try to talk about what I am afraid of but no one takes me completely seriously, they all chalk it up to anxiety. But what if there is really something wrong? I always want to see a doctor now. It's not even funny. It makes me very sad. I am scared of getting ill and drying because I live with my dad and brother and have been their source of encouragement since mom died, if I died, I can't imagine how they would deal with it. Those fears are in my mind as I carefully examine each and every bump, pain and ache that happens in my body.

I don't want to be this way, but I can't help it. I am convinced there is always something wrong with me.

Anyone else have this? How do you cope. I am tired of this bruhs.

Mom loves you and thanks you for all you have done, and sacrificed on her behalf. She will and is in your heart but wants you to remember health rather than illness. "it was my time" (she says)..Its time now for you (my son) to grieve, and let go of his sadness, pain. Dad and bro will be just fine while you take some time for yourself. To take care of you. The racing health thoughts are a diversion. Its ok to fall apart, mom died, she's gone. Feel it. Only when you have truly cleared the trauma can you pick up the pieces of your own life. Its all tied in. Feel the scares of terminal illness, feel how she must have felt, feel the trauma in and out of hospitals.

The last few months were traumatic, but because you were so involved the sights and sounds the experience remained internal, while dealing with the outside. And now the inside has caught up with you. This is what you feel. Symbolically this racing around, this need for doctors, these thoughts and worry over illness, they are not happening to you in your now (physically speaking), they are repressed post trauma.

Feel, feel, and feel some more. The fear wont kill you, let it build and build until there is a release. Let love replace those thoughts. that will be the outcome. And out of love for mom, you will respect the validity and value of your own life, moving on with it. Without the sorrow. That's what she wants.

There are unresolved problems to solve, mental issues to deal with.

End of personal message.