Panic Attacks plus Depression...A delightful combo...

[thisisme]

I just went off my meds, lexapro and klonopin. They were making my symptoms worse. However, my mental demons seem to be reeling their ugly heads again. I have this burning desire to run away. I want to get as far away as possible and become a different person. I have a life that I dream of living, yet it is out of reach. My depression is back, too. I feel disconnected from my body. Like I am living in a shell and can't break free. I don't want to get out of bed, or shower, or see people.
I keep having thoughts like, "I want to die". But, I don't think I'm suicidal. I wouldn't do anything to hurt myself. That is why it is disconcerting that whenever I'm about to go to sleep, I have visions of me killing myself in various ways. I don't know why this is happening. I just feel completely and utterly stuck in my life. I'm becoming a person I never was, I have this burning rage inside me. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know who I am. And sometimes, I can't even tell my dreams from reality. I'm scared.

[Maxine]

Hi. I know what you mean about wanting to run away and have this new life. I also suffer from both depression and anxiety. I fantasize about killing myself and I also fantasize about running away and never looking back. It sucks s bad to feel the way we do. I hate when I have to try to explain it to other people. Somehow I can never get it to come out right. So eventually I just stopped trying. I don't do anything anymore. Anyway, sorry to go on a rant, I just wanted to say hi and let you know that you are not alone. Sending love, light, and positive energy!

[Confusedpanic]

Hi!

I think I suffer from both as well. I feel like I started getting the depression and that led me to start reclusing, which eventually became a fear of leaving my room. Going out or doing things would sometimes cause panic attacks for me randomly. It would happen where I'd sart feeling more "disconnected" from myself, like you say, would have trouble focusing and then I'd get panicky, hot flushes, nervous and would feel as if I couldn't walk straight even though I was. I'm currently working on fixing all of this, and I found a lot of advice in the general discussion stickies extremely helpful! I even managed to get the courage to school (I cried and it took a lot of mental and willful effort)

I still feel depressed, and anxious, and I worry it's getting worse, but like I said, working on it. You are not alone. So much of the day, I just don't "feel" like myself. There were sometimes I thought that there was no point to anything anymore. Right now I'm on zanax and zoloft. I'm not sure if they would help you any, but I feel that they have helped me at least slightly.