I didn't understand it at first but......

[Confusedpanic]

For the past few weeks I have been having worsening symptoms of depression or what I thought was depression, but it felt physical, not emotional. I would cry for no reason and this past week I had trouble sometimes leaving my room. At first I considered them depressive episodes. Little was exciting me anymore and I just felt so bleh about everything. I could feel them coming down on me, and then suddenly, I'd feel disoriented, dizzy, out of touch with reality, and I'd have to sit and just stare at a wall, waiting for it to pass. I ended up going to health services after going to one of my classes and getting all of a sudden a hot flush and spacy, which led me to start panicking and a racey heart. I didn't understand it at all. I had also had a numb arm and chest pain. I was barely able to walk to the health services. I felt I was going to fall over any second and that I was losing myself. Doctor said it sounded like I had had a panic attack. It finally started to all to piece together, though the rest of the day I felt like I was in a LONG depressive, horrible, not myself episode that I wasn't able to come out of until later that night. All I wanted to do was sleep and I felt so out of it.

Let me go back some. Back two years ago I had donated blood but I hadn't eaten beforehand. I ended up fainting but being able to carry on with my day. While I didn't think this would end up bothering me. I think overtime "it did." I never felt quite right after donating blood. I worried that my blood levels never got back to normal and that I might faint randomly if I didn't eat. However, it was only little stress at that time.

Over that summer I developed a stomach ulcer and had problems eating. I was often disoriented, dizzy, and a host of other symptoms. I had trouble going to class sometimes and I felt like I'd fall over. Eating often helped so I made sure to eat whenever my stomach started growling. I would go back to my normal self after eating. After I was mostly recovered, I think I continued to internalize this feeling of being "out of control." I was still out doing things after I recovered. I was in many clubs and went out to many events because most days I felt great, but subconsciously I think that worry was always in the back of my mind.

After being mostly over my stomach ulcer though, now that I think back on it i "did" start to notice some symptoms of which I now realize might have been small panic attacks, even though I attributed at the time as just the lingering symptoms of getting over my stomach ulcer.. Whenever we'd go out to a restaurant, I'd sometimes feel panicky, out of control, like I was going to lose it. Yet I was still able to mostly function and still stay active in the community because these weren't "as" frequent, and not as bad as I'm experiencing now.

Over this summer I got put on birth control to regulate debilitating headaches. I think it actually helped a little, and was fine up until recently. I stared blaming the birth control for giving me depression and making me moody and feel weird so I immediately stopped taking it at which time my symptoms only got WORSE.

Come back to now I was currently home over the weekend. On Halloween I finally told my mom what had been going on, that I just didn't feel right and I felt fearful of leaving my room. I got a doctors appointment that day and have been put on zoloft and zanax. Saturday morning I woke up with a small panic attack but was able to calm down and go back to sleep. I woke up again but I felt dizzy, disoriented. I took the zanax praying it would help. I went out to my mom and sat down telling her how I felt so spacey and out of it. She started trying to make me feel better and I immediately just started crying because an overwhelming feeling came over me. My heart race sped up, my hands got tingly and shaky, and I rolled my head against the table. I slowly came back to feeling okay again but felt exhausted afterward and my mom said she felt exhausted just standing there holding me. That was probably the worst panic attack.

So far I've been having small panic attacks and keep popping the zanax whenever I feel it coming. You don't know (well I'm sure you actually do) how relieving it was for me to find this forum. My grandma apparently also suffered from panic attacks that left her home bound for years so I did have her to talk about with it, but finding so many people, talking about all these symptoms that until now I had really no idea what to make sense of. I may not be completely accurate but I think I'm closer to pinpointing that what I'm actually feeling is panic attacks and this subconscious anxiety.

I have some questions though. Is the dizziness, trouble focusing, and disoriented feelings part of anxiety? I often have times where I just don't feel like myself and I'm not me, even if I don't feel like I'm panicking. One more, is it possible that the horrible headaches i have been suffering with since last year and seem to be getting every week (that I actually blamed on my hormones or my period) are most likely the stress of anxiety? I think I'm seeing that as another possible option now because after my panic attacks I noticed I sometimes started to get a headache.

Also, I have started engaging in some of the breathing practices here. I had a panic attack today but I took a lot of the stickies advice and just reminded myself that there was nothing to be afraid of, you are being silly, knock it off, and it actually subsided, though I'm still left with that headache :(

[drac16]

I'm not sure about dizziness, but dysphoria and have having a hard time focusing are common side effects of anxiety. I experience both of them all the time. My mom has told me that my whole demeanor changes when I'm feeling anxious, so that could be what you're experiencing as well. You're not crazy and you're not a freak-- you just suffer from anxiety. We're here to help you in any way we can.

[Ryker]

Those bloody doctors dishing out benzos and prozac like they're Mentos need a good slap if you ask me.

I bet they're responsible for many of the symptoms that you're now worrying about. You're clearly intelligent, coherent and able to engage in some meaningful Cognitive and Behavioural therapies, so I'd suggest going back to see the doctor, asking for a referral to the best professionals he or she can find as an alternative.

Look after yourself, and take care. Just wheeling back a bit on your own expectations of yourself can be all it takes. Keep reading and learning, and keep practicing the best way to use that awesome brain you have. Brains don't come with an instruction manual and it's like being handed a sports car with no tuition or training.

Many of us wrap ours around trees and lamp-posts before we get the hang of the controls.

[Dahila]

Ryker please do not make me upset I can be a b**** first class. Yes , I could be your grandma and if it was not for doctors dishing out benzos I could be dead 30 years ago, instead I have normal life, raised my children , and following my thousand and one hobby now. I see you are from UK, somehow in Uk is better when people commit suicide instead of giving them the benzo. I am not talking about abusing benzos. I know one case, :( I bet there is more........

now;
Look after yourself, and take care. Just wheeling back a bit on your own expectations of yourself can be all it takes. Keep reading and learning, and keep practicing the best way to use that awesome brain you have. Brains don't come with an instruction manual and it's like being handed a sports car with no tuition or training.

very educational and helpful statement:)))

For OP hormones have a lot to do with symptoms like anxiety and panic. High stomach acidity can cause the ulcer. Right now stomach ulcers and completely cured. with meds of course. When you do breathing exercise try to find the pause between in breath and out breath. When you start to focus on it, the breath comes naturally. You probably know that it is difficult to follow your breath. When you feel you do not get enough oxygen, try short and more frequent breath:))

[Exactice]

I am going to take Ryker's comment as sarcastic Dahila, as I too agree with you. Prozac has really helped, Xanax was a life saver for the short term but it is the responsibility of the user to know when to use it and when not to.

Ive been on Prozac now for almost 8 months and I have stabilized so well compared to before. I use the Xanax more of a security blanket than anything else. Just having it around makes me feel better. I havent even taken one in almost a year. I have gotten my panic attacks in order and it feels great.

Yes I have been having some relapses but I expected that and I feel that I have learned so much more and I continue to learn!

Confused, from the sound of it, it all sounds like symptoms of anxiety so very normal under the circumstances. If you have seen a doctor and they have given you a clean bill of health, its not time to work on the mental side and really focus on getting your thoughts straight! You can do it, it takes a little time but you can do it!

[Ryker]

Sorry Dahlia, don't ever be upset by me. I'd never deliberately harm anyone or anything. Apart from mosquitos, those guys can die!

Medicines have their place, and when I had my first crisis I don't think I would have survived without them either. What concerns me is doctors who hand out psychoactive drugs without even taking the time to explain to the customer what they do and how they do it. If someone is anxious about not feeling themselves then there's no surer way of helping them not feel themselves even more than giving powerful drugs that that person has never experienced. We know that talking therapies are needed too if there's going to be any real improvement that lasts.

You're right we're far too slow here, and the NHS, while it's excellent at broken collarbones and other school rugby injuries, is monumentally behind the times when it comes to mental illness. It's getting better, but it needs to speed up.

It's a British thing. We're a country run by inbred upper-class alcoholic nutjobs and mental illness is almost beyond discussion. It's quite a sad state of affairs.

[Dahila]

Ryker sorry it just kicked me. So many people criticize docs and benzos, it works on my like red clothes on bulls ;)) . I wish I could afford therapy but we have to pay for it, I have to pay for it, no medical insurance. UK have a much better mental care that Canada I believe. Sorry if I went to strong on it, I am very sorry :)) I hope Ryker you will forgive me. :)

[Confusedpanic]

but dysphoria and have having a hard time focusing are common side effects of anxiety.

I think his is mainly what I was getting at. I'd have a hard time focusing and I felt a bit out of it. Thanks for the support

[Confusedpanic]

Those bloody doctors dishing out benzos and prozac like they're Mentos need a good slap if you ask me.
.

To some degree I undersand how you feel. I was very against anti depressant meds and such....but when I actually felt like I couldn't just pull myself out of it I gave the pills a chance. Actually no, if anything the pills have helped me immensely. I felt the dizzy and out of it feeling before and still afer I was on the pills. The zoloft is extremely calming to me 2 hours after I take it. The zanax I feel doesn't help quite like the zoloft but i may still be calming.

The really good news is that I decided to go back to school. I decided to face my fear like the advice in the stickies and I can already feel a difference. I came back to my dorm and school and just cried for 10 minuetes before dragging myself to my class. But I did i, and all along the way I assured myself that nohing bad was going to happen, I wasn't going to fall over and that I could do this. I even sat and ate in the cafeteria which is a HUGE thing for me, because I usually immediately grab the food and dart back o my room. I had several times throughou the day where I felt anxious and worried. Even standing in the dinner line I got panicky, eating dinner I got panicky, but I reminded myself that everything was okay, I yelled a myself to fall over then!!, but I didn't and I eventually calmed down. It's been quite an accomplished day for me. I was spacey and had trouble concenrating in my last class, but after I ate and really tried, or maybe the medicine kicked in, I all of a sudden became able to focus on the lesson and hat knowledge was really stimulating for me.

To be clear I'm definitely NOT cured of this anxiety. But this is a huge step I think at helping myself and everyone has been happy for me in doing it. Yeah I've cried through i, I stood there while feeling like I needed to flee, but I continued to stand my ground.

So back to the meds thing. I understand that it's not for everyone, but I think this medicine is really helping give me the boost, especially the zoloft which gives me a mini "high" I think, and peace of mind I need to help myself work through this. There are plans to also arrange for a cognitive behavioral therapist.