Depression/Anger fits?

[After5hock]

Have any of you had these types of fits where something small, maybe even random, sets it off.. like it's been brewing for months. Then all of a sudden, anger led depression comes pouring out of you. All you want to do is scream, cry, hit hurt or break things, (if self-harmer) maybe even scratch, cut, or pound at your head because it feels like it'd help to release/relieve whatever it is that's burning in your brain.. yeah, well, mine are starting to get more frequent. I am currently typing this during the wind down in my safe place.. so here's what happened..
I have really bad nightmares due to my ptsd, and this morning, 6am waking up.. wasn't the best (note*it's 8am rn). I had repetitive dreams all night of how people have been walking all over me my whole life because of the fact that I'm just too nice (confrontation is a huge anxiety trigger).. So I'm go downstairs, feed my kitties, turn on my phone, and wait. Checking all my messages, I have one from a friend who only talks to me if they need something, and I read it. It's a message of him giving me an attitude because Idk where my ex (from almost 2yrs ago) doesn't live.. Seriously?!?!?! *beginning of building up to trigger* so I start talking to my fiance about my nightmares and the message blah blah.. instead of letting it roll off after a tiny vent, it builds. So now we're both on the couch checking messages & replying.. then he went to lean to kiss me, and the way I locked my phone made him think that I was trying to hide a conversation..(trigger two) so I told him I wasn't, threw my (New!) phone, and yelled that I was going back to bed. Came upstairs, laid down in bed, and started to sob thinking about how frustrating it really is to have to deal with this. At that time, thoughts of cutting started to fill my head and make me angry.. my fiance came in and tried to ask me what was going on and what going back to bed would solve.. triggering me to start bawling my eyes out and just start blurtting out how hard it is to not cut anymore, and that I just didn't know *fit starts* so he gets up to walk out and says that he's gonna go for a drive then shuts the bedroom door (biggest trigger, seeing as this is what my ex would tell me when he'd leave to go have sex with someone else) I threw my phone again -I'm such an idiot- at my wall, leaving two punctures in the plaster.. got even more mad, stood up on my bed and started screaming obscenities & and how I'm sick of the world.. then put my knee through my wall.. *big mistake!* all that did was make me even more mad and upset with myself. Needless to say, I feel like an out of control 7 year old, which of course, made the situation worse for me. So I smoothered myself with pillows to scream and scream and scream.. then proceeded to claw my arms up, punch myself in the head a few times, and pull my handfuls of hair. Finally screamed enough energy out to come to my safe place for wind down (pillows piled in the back of my closet with a blanket) I'm so scared to come out because I don't want to see how bad I had scratched myself. I'm so disappointed, and it makes me want to cry some more. I've been sitting in here for an hour now. Ugh!! I'm so tired of living like this. The cutting urges are almost becoming unbearable..
Please.. just let me know that I'm not the only one. It's terrible that I can't even cry to vent a little at a time.. it's like I instantly combat tears to bottle it all up without a second thought.. then this mess happens. The worse part is that someone other than my mom gets to experience this side of me, and I'm terrified it'll push him away. *sigh*

[drac16]

I get fits of anger at least twice a week. For me, it's not so much a self-harming issue, but rather, I get a lot of intense homicidal fantasies. I feel like I'm about to explode. I'd never act out those feelings in my right mind, though, because I'm fully convinced that murder is wrong. I get stereotyped a lot because of my beliefs, so, sometimes, all it takes is one sarcastic comment or one poorly written article to set me off.

It's horrible. When I'm like that, it's best for me to be alone because otherwise I could really upset someone by screaming at them if they ask "What's wrong?" or "are you OK?". I can't concentrate on anything when I'm in this semi-hysterical state, so it's impossible for me to do anything to try and ease myself back into calmness.

It's only temporary, though. All fits, no matter how severe they are, will come to end. Remember that next time you have an episode of intense anger. Acting out my violent desires, or in your case, your self-harming desires, would only make matters worse. When you're really upset like that, your mind doesn't think clearly, so you're unable to forsee the consequences of cutting yourself or doing things like that.

[After5hock]

I get fits of anger at least twice a week. For me, it's not so much a self-harming issue, but rather, I get a lot of intense homicidal fantasies. I feel like I'm about to explode. I'd never act out those feelings in my right mind, though, because I'm fully convinced that murder is wrong. I get stereotyped a lot because of my beliefs, so, sometimes, all it takes is one sarcastic comment or one poorly written article to set me off.

It's horrible. When I'm like that, it's best for me to be alone because otherwise I could really upset someone by screaming at them if they ask "What's wrong?" or "are you OK?". I can't concentrate on anything when I'm in this semi-hysterical state, so it's impossible for me to do anything to try and ease myself back into calmness.

It's only temporary, though. All fits, no matter how severe they are, will come to end. Remember that next time you have an episode of intense anger. Acting out my violent desires, or in your case, your self-harming desires, would only make matters worse. When you're really upset like that, your mind doesn't think clearly, so you're unable to forsee the consequences of cutting yourself or doing things like that.

I get the homicidal fantasies as well. Idk really how I would explain mine.. I'm so happy that I was thinking clearly enough to remove all sharp objects from my room.. now that I've had a few hours to reflect, I've come to notice the date. It's my dead husband's birthday. Now I understand why I'm being extremely sensitive today.

[TB1]

As a victim of bullying and having both anxiety and depression (yes, the two are probably linked), I do get anger issues from time to time. It's hard to describe. It's like I'm going down an endless spiral of rage and hatred, to the point where I want to scream and explode forever, and yet it also feels like it would never go away. I just want to see things explode and die as horribly and violently as possible, especially anything that resembles someone putting me down or trying to be happy when I'm not, to the point where The Incredible Hulk would look and think "You need to calm down, bro."

Don't worry, though, I never act on these angry thoughts and they go away in just a couple minutes. I have specific mechanisms to deal with my anger when it shows up. They probably wouldn't make sense to any of you, but they work well for me.