Hey

[Chains]

Hello!

Labels make me uncomfortable. Actually, a lot of things make me uncomfortable. To begin with, the notion that folks I know in real life may discover me here, as they've found me on other sites before (yikes).
I don't know much, but what I do know is that sometime this year I grew terrified of my co-curricular activity, Modern Dance. (Please don't let anyone find me please please please) Ironically, I'd been aspiring towards that particular CCA since I was about ten, but a few months after I successfully got in I started dreading practice. And we have practice three times a week, for three hours each.
I started fearing practice so much I'd find myself thinking all sorts of terrible things, like "I hope I fall down the stairs and break my leg today so I can miss dance" or "if I eat this piece of cake that fell on the floor maybe I'll get food poisoning and won't have to dance tomorrow" and I really, really wanted that to happen. Around when I started consciously wishing for myself to get hurt, I realized that hey, maybe this isn't that normal. Each week was a cycle of "I don't want to dance" to "i want to die" to "hey it wasn't that bad!" and then back to "i don''t want to dance" again. My pulse is also abnormally fast, which I think is probably because 98% of the time I'm nervous or panicking. I spend a large portion of my time thinking about all the things that could go wrong in life, and have a tendency to attribute bad thoughts with activities outside of my usual schedule (e.g. dance, piano, gym classes). I've not actually been diagnosed or anything of the sort, but decided to join to maybe get to understand myself better and also perhaps try and figure out whether or not I'm considered a "regular" person.
On a happier note, I like drawing, anime, manga, and being alone. Nice to meet you, and please don't kill me, internet. c:

[Im-Suffering]

Fear avoidance. Yes, you are bound by chains.

Tell your parents how you feel, or if you cannot 'relate' to them (or they won't listen) talk to your counselor at school. And have a chat with the dance teacher as well. Talk with any family member or relative, any teacher, any friend, any parent of a friend, pick up the phone and call a doctor, any doctor..anyone.

Listen carefully, you are learning fear avoidance at a young age, and although you may not picture your life 20 years from now, if you avoid now, you suffer later. Like the rest of the folk here. If you get this, then your life is changed from here on.

80% or more of people over 30 suffering in their lives (anxiety, mental illness, or often physical disease) practiced fear avoidance starting under 10 years old. They practiced making up stories as you do, and it became part of their life. Now they are old and sick, and they don't know why, because they do not remember what they did as a child in the face of anything uncomfortable. Whether abusive or well meaning parents that were clueless.

Do not avoid > confront
Do not fear > have courage

Talk, talk, talk and talk....until everyone listens.

Now you listen, do as I say. As well as any reader here practicing and living this insidious foe, fear avoidance.