hello

[Maxine]

Hi. I'm not sure what to say here. I almost gave up on this but thought I'd give it a try. I have been diagnosed with major depression, recurrent severe and a panic disorder along with fibromyalgia. My anxiety has been extremely high recently and I don't have anyone that I can really talk to about it. I feel like no one understands and its too hard to try to explain it to them when most of the time I can't explain it or understand it for myself. I don't know if this will help but at this point I'm willing to give it a try. I hope this finds everyone who reads it having a good day. I appreciate your time. Just writing this gives me an anxiety attack. So, a little about myself.... I have two teenage children, a girl 14 and a boy 13. I work at a non profit organization where I work with at risk youth that are in the foster care system. I have a loving and supportive boyfriend, although he doesn't really understand all this he does the best he can to give me the support I need. I don't have any friends because I don't trust anyone. So feeling isolated and alone is also a normalcy for me. This also doesn't help with my depression and anxiety. My social anxiety is so bad I can't go anywhere or do anything that isn't a necessity. I guess that's all for now. I hope this is what I was supposed to write about here.

[Ryker]

Hi Maxine, yes you've found many people who understand.

Anxiety is a dreadful thing but it's not a terminal diagnosis. I was where you are now about 20 years ago. I couldn't go out and family life virtually came to an end. I had to do some serious amount of work to turn things around. Now things are quite different.

Have you read much about anxiety and done any research into what it is and how to set about fixing it?

R.

[Maxine]

Hi. Yes. I was diagnosed years ago. I have done all the reading and continue to do more everyday. I am also doing so much work on the way that I think and talk to myself. I've been working on this for years but it wasn't until the last year or so that I really started believing the things that I was learning. Six months ago I thought I had finally figured something out. And now I feel like I'm back where I started but worse because I felt how it can feel to be good. I've suffered from this my entire life so I'm used to it. I'm just lost. But, thanks for the reply. I appreciate it.

[Ryker]

Morning, not sure about that. This time zone thingy is most confusing.

You're right. After a lifetime of this we do start to get used to it and unfortunately it's really easy to simply become that victim of anxiety and get stuck there. We know no different so it's harder and harder to get around to facing up to it.

But we don't have a choice. You've got two children who in a blink of an eye will be heading off out into the world and will need you to support them. You have a boyfriend who doesn't need to be a carer as well as being a boyfriend.

Sorry if that comes over as a bit harsh coming from some random stranger, but having been there myself it sounds very familiar. We don't want to see you alone, unable to work, medicated up to the eyeballs and avoided by your family because you're just too much like hard work!

It's time for action now. Do you have an appointment booked with your gp? Start there, and then get started finding the real you and learning some mindfulness techniques. I took the advice of someone who insisted I learn to be selfish and grab the things I needed to make myself happy and the things I needed to be myself. Like you, I'd done so much for others because I hadn't considered myself worthy. I was the problem.

Treat yourself, you deserve it and nobody around you will be anything other than delighted I'm sure.

:)

[Maxine]

Hi. I see my gp every couple months. I use a prn med right now. I like the consistency in the results. I'm thinking about discussing getting something for my depression. But being on meds scares me. I agree about mindfulness. I've been doing a lot of work in that respect. And it is so amazing! But it's not deeply ingrained yet so sometimes I forget. But I don't agree that my boyfriend shouldn't be a carer. I expect him to be; just like I hope he expects me to be. If I can't go to him for help, who can I? But I also think I know what you were getting at and that I do agree with. I have to be doing everything I can to stay on top of it. I can't expect him to carry me through life. I have to carry myself the majority of the time.

[Rube Goldberg]

Maxine,

I think that just showing up to a forum is an amazing accomplishment for a anxiety sufferer...(if I do say so myself, I just signed up).

It's a constant process, a constant effort.

How has your fibromyalgia affected your relationship? I'm told it's pretty brutal.

<3

[zexton]

Maxine, you are not alone. Don't give up, we all have our struggles, but we can make it through. I have a hard time leaving the house for the past week, Im out of state with friends for a medical reason. I had to go to urgent care while I was here for my anxiety, also high blood pressure-which makes me more anxious too. Its a ll a viscous cycle, and some days are worse than others. Today is better for me than yesterday, so maybe tomorrow will be even better

[zexton]

Maxine, I don't really care to be on meds either, but a decision at one point its about quality of life, not how many meds you take. I use to be embaressed about my panic disorder, but once I owned it and talked about it more I realized I felt better and even found other sufferers too.

[Maxine]

Rube,

You are so right. Showing up is half the battle. My fibro has made my relationship stronger. I am so blessed. But even knowing that anxiety and depression rule my life. Even when I think one got it under control, it reminds me that I don't.

[Maxine]

Zexton,

I know what you mean. It is a struggle for me every day to get out of bed. Its horrible. And its a shame we have to figure out how to live with it. I've been thinking about quality of life. It is important. I think I forgot about that.

[Scottyb79]

Maxine

You have come to the right place. Like you who suffers from attacks, depression. i contemplated bad thoughts and I look at my children and say they need a daddy not an idiot thinking stupid ass thoughts. What values would I be teaching them if I kill myself. My kids have no daddy to brag bout or anything. I think it but I will never do it. unfortunately I think worse case scenarios which is destroying myself. I have fought for over 20 yrs with attacks to avoid medicine and drugs, but with therapy and drugs I will overcome these fears that I face and so can you. If we all work together we can do a lot. My wife says I am killing myself cause of my chronic attacks. And you know what she is right.

Enough about my issues. As Ryker said you need your time and treat yourself.