Im pretty sure there's something wrong with me...

[IItheheart]

...I'm just not sure what its called. For most of my life I've suffered from anxiety disorders, although most of them were pretty mild and completely controllable. About five years ago I met my wife and we decided to settle down. We had two great kids and years of awesome memories. One problem we always faced, though, was that she felt I was controlling. Not necessarily in the traditional "i think you're cheating on me kind of way", but in a way that could best be described (by her) as funny, and odd. I didn't like her to go anywhere alone, without me, and I always had to drive her to and from work. Occasionally she would get so fed up by being treated like a child that it would start a huge fight. She used to always say that I had two kids to worry about and she wasn't one of them. Well about six months ago I got laid off and was forced to change careers. Without much in the way of education, I ended up in truck driving school and got my cdl. Unfortunately I didn't know that this type of work required lots of time away from home. To make a long story short, I'm going crazy. My family is back home while I work out on the road, and each day is getting harder to deal. My kind keeps racing with all the bad things I think could happen while I'm away. I practically fall apart if a phone call isn't answered and if more than a certain amount of time goes by without hearing from anybody I become sick and nervous. Its gotten to the point where I can't even focus on driving anymore, I'm just consumed by all the bad things that could happen in my absence and the pain of having to deal with not knowing. I also have a phobia that involves people I care about suddenly ending up missing and me not being able to do anything about it. And freak accidents are another thing that race through my mind of what ifs. If anyone knows what's wrong with me and what I can do to fix it I'd appreciate it cuz I'm about at the end of my rope. Thanks for listening

[Ryker]

Hi, it sounds like you've suffered with the same basic condition for a while but it's only since the job upheaval that it's got on top of you. It does that.

All of those thoughts are just artefacts created by your brain to try and help you make sense off all that turmoil going on in your head. It's not nice is it?

You can get on top of it if you really want to. You've done a good job of explaining the problem and know that you have a problem, so you sound as if you're perfectly capable of learning about anxiety, learning about how to manage it, and working through it.

I hope you find some solutions very soon. It's not a nice place to be.
R.

[Im-Suffering]

...I'm just not sure what its called. For most of my life I've suffered from anxiety disorders, although most of them were pretty mild and completely controllable. About five years ago I met my wife and we decided to settle down. We had two great kids and years of awesome memories. One problem we always faced, though, was that she felt I was controlling. Not necessarily in the traditional "i think you're cheating on me kind of way", but in a way that could best be described (by her) as funny, and odd. I didn't like her to go anywhere alone, without me, and I always had to drive her to and from work. Occasionally she would get so fed up by being treated like a child that it would start a huge fight. She used to always say that I had two kids to worry about and she wasn't one of them. Well about six months ago I got laid off and was forced to change careers. Without much in the way of education, I ended up in truck driving school and got my cdl. Unfortunately I didn't know that this type of work required lots of time away from home. To make a long story short, I'm going crazy. My family is back home while I work out on the road, and each day is getting harder to deal. My kind keeps racing with all the bad things I think could happen while I'm away. I practically fall apart if a phone call isn't answered and if more than a certain amount of time goes by without hearing from anybody I become sick and nervous. Its gotten to the point where I can't even focus on driving anymore, I'm just consumed by all the bad things that could happen in my absence and the pain of having to deal with not knowing. I also have a phobia that involves people I care about suddenly ending up missing and me not being able to do anything about it. And freak accidents are another thing that race through my mind of what ifs. If anyone knows what's wrong with me and what I can do to fix it I'd appreciate it cuz I'm about at the end of my rope. Thanks for listening

You subconsciously took that line of work to deal with the issue squarely. (And on some level you know that, you want to change).Your wife is to some extent relieved (for the space) and intuitively hopeful you'll spend your time finding out why you feel this way and resolving it.

The time on the road is to be spent healing, and not sitting in the trigger, so to speak. If you do that you'll avoid the real work.

As for the reason "what's wrong with me", that is your work alone. And as it turns out, alone is all you have.

And listen carefully now to the most important statement you'll hear:

People have free will. You cannot prevent disaster or block the experience of another. If something dire would to happen (or pleasant) it does not matter the vice grip you have them in. No fence would be strong enough to contain them. And if the fence was psychological, there would be resentment, as you have seen by her comments.

And so intuitively and mentally, you took yourself out on the road, so to speak. Freedom for all. Make sure you do the work and find the beliefs in you that trigger the behavior. That's the purpose.

[Kuma]

You might find Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) helpful. It is different than traditional psychotherapy. It tends to be much shorter-term and focused on teaching you practical, workable ways to overcome your anxieties/fears. A key is to find a therapist who is experienced in CBT.

Your situation is the kind of thing that can be overcome. And then you can enjoy being on the road, and also have a stronger relationship with your wife when you are at home.