Colt
10-27-2014, 02:51 AM
Hey everybody,
My name is Colton (or Colt for short) I have been dealing with anxiety since I was little (not being able to sleep without a television on, never could have sleepovers at friends houses, was always too afraid to ask questions in class) , but at the beginning of the year I experienced a horrible episode. I thought I was dieing or at the very least losing grasp of reality I was at my sister's house with her fiance and we were watching a movie and I had to get out. I went out for a cigarette and couldn't feel my limbs. I barely got up the strength to say I needed to go to the ER. when I got there everything was fine the doctor said I should save the Emergency room for real emergencies. The month after I felt depersonalized and scared to sleep, I thought I might not wake up. I had decided a few month earlier that I needed to return to a psychiatrist because my anxiety was getting worse. so 3 weeks after this episode I was on Venafalaxine and Lorazepan for anxiety (and still am). Anxiety kept me from graduating high school and I have been terribly afraid to do small things like go to the store since. That was 2 years ago and I am very fortunate to have a father who keeps saying to this day that I need to get myself right and that he will support me for as long as it takes. My uncle is very similar he has panic and anxiety and has been great for advice. I'm seeing a Psychologist and for the first time in my life trying to open up and say I need help. I know now that "episode" was my first of many panic attacks, and I feel I'm working backwards. Things that seemed simple even with my anxiety now seem like mountains to climb and I'm not accomplishing much. I recently went up to 225mg of Effexor xr but was oddly feeling way more anxious and was having much more regular panic attacks so my PPC said to drop back down to 150 and gave me Buspirone twice a day. I suppose the reason why I made an account is because for the first time since the first panic attack I don't feel like myself. I have a extreme lack of desire and joy, the fear of death has returned and I feel like even though I'm trying my hardest to make strides towards getting better I'm getting worse. I imagine (and really hope) that I'm not alone and that someone with loads more experience can help educate me because I just don't have the answers and I'm scared.
P.S. Sorry for the novel in the welcome section, I'm My phychologist said I need to be more open about how I really feel
Thank you so much for even reading and if you have anything that may help I'd appreciate it incredibly
-Colton
My name is Colton (or Colt for short) I have been dealing with anxiety since I was little (not being able to sleep without a television on, never could have sleepovers at friends houses, was always too afraid to ask questions in class) , but at the beginning of the year I experienced a horrible episode. I thought I was dieing or at the very least losing grasp of reality I was at my sister's house with her fiance and we were watching a movie and I had to get out. I went out for a cigarette and couldn't feel my limbs. I barely got up the strength to say I needed to go to the ER. when I got there everything was fine the doctor said I should save the Emergency room for real emergencies. The month after I felt depersonalized and scared to sleep, I thought I might not wake up. I had decided a few month earlier that I needed to return to a psychiatrist because my anxiety was getting worse. so 3 weeks after this episode I was on Venafalaxine and Lorazepan for anxiety (and still am). Anxiety kept me from graduating high school and I have been terribly afraid to do small things like go to the store since. That was 2 years ago and I am very fortunate to have a father who keeps saying to this day that I need to get myself right and that he will support me for as long as it takes. My uncle is very similar he has panic and anxiety and has been great for advice. I'm seeing a Psychologist and for the first time in my life trying to open up and say I need help. I know now that "episode" was my first of many panic attacks, and I feel I'm working backwards. Things that seemed simple even with my anxiety now seem like mountains to climb and I'm not accomplishing much. I recently went up to 225mg of Effexor xr but was oddly feeling way more anxious and was having much more regular panic attacks so my PPC said to drop back down to 150 and gave me Buspirone twice a day. I suppose the reason why I made an account is because for the first time since the first panic attack I don't feel like myself. I have a extreme lack of desire and joy, the fear of death has returned and I feel like even though I'm trying my hardest to make strides towards getting better I'm getting worse. I imagine (and really hope) that I'm not alone and that someone with loads more experience can help educate me because I just don't have the answers and I'm scared.
P.S. Sorry for the novel in the welcome section, I'm My phychologist said I need to be more open about how I really feel
Thank you so much for even reading and if you have anything that may help I'd appreciate it incredibly
-Colton