Sigh. Everything kind of sucks (at least, I percieve it that way). Rant thread.

[TW4569]

I'm 22, a high school dropout (too many absences and rarely completed assignments), living with my parents.

I can't seem to get motivated regularly. About once a week, I'll have a burst of energy for about 4 hours when I can get stuff done, but otherwise I just want to sit online or in bed. I go to bed at 5-6AM, lay around reading or watching videos until it gets light, then I wake up in the afternoon. It used to be 2pm, then it slipped back to 3pm, then 4pm, and I've even gotten up after 5pm a few times recently. It sucks to get out of bed an hour before it gets dark.

I love my parents, and they provide me with everything I need without asking for anything in return, but our house is a disaster. The floors are never swept or vacuumed, every flat surface is piled with junk, we have to hunt for bad smells in our fridge every couple weeks. I know I share in the blame, but I try to do what I can, but there's just so much to do, and anything that gets accomplished is undone in a matter of days.

I have about 100 unfinished projects. I start working on one, then I jump to another, then another, then none for weeks. I also have a massive list of movies and TV series I want to watch, video games I want to play, and comics and books I want to read, but I never start any of them. Sometimes I suspect that I have ADD. Either that or internet addiction, I sit around refreshing forums all day looking for new posts, rather than setting aside a couple hours for a movie or a video game. My TV is next to my computer, so even when I do watch something, I constantly look away and F5 F5 F5 F5.

I have this friend who used to live across the street. He really is a good friend, and I feel like a total ungrateful asshole for feeling this way, but we hung out way too much. I felt like I could never do what I wanted to do because he was always over (at least that's what I thought). I am also very introverted and he is not. I do like him as a friend, but he's a friend best taken in small doses, not someone to hang out with for 4-5 hours a day, six days a week. He moved out of state recently, and I was actually happy about it (horrible, I know). We talked on the phone and facebook occasionally which was fine with me. I just found out he'll be moving back in across the street soon, and I'm dreading having that constant companionship again. That said, in the couple months he was gone, I thought I'd get tons of shit done, but instead I just sat around doing nothing anyway, so maybe it's not a big deal? Again, I'd like to reiterate that I don't hate this guy, he is a good friend who has done a lot for me and my family, but small doses. Small doses.

My brother also passed away recently. It has been pretty hard on my parents and I. However, it would be dishonest of me to claim that his death is the root of any of my family's problems. The issues I've mentioned have been going on for years.

Despite all of these problems, I have food, warmth and shelter, and luxuries such as internet, cable, and junk food. I often think of the line from Joe Walsh's song Life Is Good; "I can't complain but sometimes I still do." It could be a whole lot worse, but it could also be better.

[Ryker]

Doing nothing, furiously, is tiring. You sound exhausted. Even the things that many people may view as relaxation - playing computer games or watching TV can be very emptionally and mentally draining.

Do you have a job? It sounds like you could do with a little structure and routine. If my dogs and other animals didn't need my attention and force me to get out in the fresh air several times a day I'd probably go the same way.

Look for activities that are emotionally and mentally draining and limit or ration them. Get out of the house as much as you can. Go for walks. If you can, get a cute puppy, take it out and you'll be like a chick-magnet!

Yours

Helpful of Nottingham

[gypsylee]

I enjoyed reading this post :)

It's so easy to do this I think. I'm not working atm or looking after my daughter, so most of the time I can do what I want. If I don't force myself to get up and do stuff I start becoming nocturnal as well.

I've set myself some goals to do with my health so I work on those and I do a lot of reading. It's very easy to waste time online though and I get stuck playing games or on Facebook.

Anyway thanks for the post,
Gypsy

[happythoughts]

Wow, this is the first thread I read on this forum. It is interesting that how much I can relate it to your situation.

I have been through the same thing. I know to most people, they might just think and tell you 'oh this is easy you just have to stop being lazy, go get something done!' well of course I know but if I could just tell myself that and the problem is solved I could have done it long time ago.

The feeling of being so not active everyday sucks. I am 26 now, I have been in your situation ever seen I was born. It was during the teenage that I realized my daily life is a little bit different from other people. And it is interesting that of few things you've mentioned in your case were similar to mine. I was super lazy, I don't mind using that word describing myself. and I've grown up a messy house, a lot of things that needs to be fixed weren't fixed, like the water heater broke down and no one did anything about it. I had showe in summer and winter in the cold water for 5 years when I was a teen. It wasn't a problem of financial status. We were very capable to maintain a fine n nice house but it never happened.

Also my family has some issues. I wouldn't say the big problems comparing to all those big family problem mess out there but they were problems that they're big enough to make a big hole in my life and till this day I'm still struggling to fill the empty part of myself.

As a teen, I used to have the same daily schedule like you do. When I had no school I used to sleep in the morning and get up in the afternoon or maybe even evening. I never stepped out of my room. and I remember when I was 13 I havent stepped out of my room for the whole summer break and I remember when I was 14, after going on a study trip, and I didn't unpack my suitcase for 2 years.

And ever since I noticed myself having problems, I haven't seeked for professional help but after a lot of readings and some talk with my friend who is psychology student, I just know that my problem is way more than being lazy.

I don't think I can tell you what to do I just want to let you know that you are not alone in this situation. After high school I had moved out my parents home, actually I would say I ran away from home. And step by step, i am able to push myself to get some things done now because I'm all on my own. It sounds scary from your current situation now but I feel a bit more motivated n a lot more positive after moving out. A different environment, n relatively tidy place makes a lot difference for your mood. And u will also feel like, u wouldn't want to bring that into your new home, you 'll try to get stuff fixed or cleaned.

My "lazy problem" is not solved. I do feel like I am living a double life- getting stuff done effectively and just being super lazy. I have very extreme mood swing, from a happy normal person to a deep drop in depression that it is suicidal. It goes on and off every few weeks or months. There are days that once I step in my home, I return to the old me. I do not want to deal with anything but internet. I am afraid of picking up calls, I have no patience i need two screens at a time, just like you've described yourself. But I am very happy that at least a half of me is active and positive and I can feel that gradually it's getting better and better.

I hope the day you are finally getting into the mood of take the first step, even juz a very small one, of changing your situation will come soon. Yes, it is hard, but I can tell you, there s nothing I miss about my old life.

Good luck :)