College Student suffering from Social Anxiety/Rejection

[josh081388]

Like I mentioned in my introduction, I am 26 years of age and have been suffering from social anxiety/depression for about 7 years now. I moved to North Carolina back in 2011, because I used to live in New Jersey and I thought that by moving, I could change my life around and be a better person, but it didn't happen like that. I am currently enrolled in college, and work an 8 hour night shift job and have been just having a very hard time just trying to get around to people and let my voice be heard and part of it, is because I have no idea how to approach people and be myself. My friends will tell me, that it's easy and to just take rejection and move on but when I take rejection, I feel like i'm useless and I don't belong. I wouldn't say that i'm emo or anything...I am a really nice guy about 5'7'' 169 pds and have been taking care of myself and just being me it's just trying to express it and get involved where I have the most problem at. So if anyone can give me some good advice I would gladly appreciate it. Thank you

Josh

[Im-Suffering]

I used to live in New Jersey and I thought that by moving, I could change my life - ...You take yourself with you wherever you go. You must change inside, mentally first, in preparation for a physical move, or you will find you attract what you don't want, anywhere.

(but when I take rejection), I feel like i'm useless - False belief, insidious lie, and the fount of your troubles, you feel this way all the time on a deeper level, not just during 'rejection' which dates back to childhood, look there.

and I don't belong.... False beliefs about who you are put you in the wrong place at the wrong time. Not aware of this you feel like an outcast because the real you belongs somewhere else.

I am a really nice guy about 5'7'' 169 pds and have been taking care of myself and just being me... You don't know who you are because of the conditioning as a child. You are acting on beliefs that are not in your best interests. In that sense you are 'faking' it. Getting in touch with your feelings and dismissing the false lies about you, examining the contents of your mind for faulty conditioning, will bring you to true freedom.

it's just trying to express it.. No ! You are repressed, holding back, withdrawing, fearing, ignoring the truth. And the truth shall set you free.

You are not expressing the real you, but a psuedo self based upon the expectations of others. 'Trying to fit in'. When you are utterly you, you needn't 'try', for being is enough. As a child, your caregivers and friends passed on the message (false) that being you wasn't good enough, leaving you with a low self worth.

Josh

Lesson given.

[casstar01]

Hi Josh, I know how hard it is to be too uncomfortable around people and to just try to relax and be yourself. I've had severe social anxiety/ phobia my entire life, since my first memory and I'm now 33 years old and still struggle greatly! I too tried many times to move around, thinking I could be a "new" me, but alas! Your right you take yourself wherever you go!! I would like to write more but I don't have the time just now but I saw your post and I know how lonely it can all feel so I just wanted to let you know your NOT alone and to tell you one thing that has probably helped me the most with not taking "rejection" or perceived rejection so personally. The trick is to try ( and yes I know how hard it is!) to take your power back so to speak. First it's up to you if you actually like someone your around. It doesn't have to mean that they are not okay but maybe you just don't quit mesh with them. Then you can try to accept that if someone doesn't like you it could be the same type of thing on their end. Did that make sense? If not in will explain more later. Also, when I get rejected or someone is rude or gives me a mean look that instantly makes me feel worthless the single most helpful realization that has helped me not take it personally is when I realized it not actually me! It's them! We all have our problems so if someone is being mean for no real reason you must realize it's their issue!! It has nothing to do with you!! It could be anyone around them and they would be treated the same way or if that's not the case then it goes back to if YOU like them enough to care (again I know that's hard) but for example let's say you walk up to someone at work or school and you ask them a simple question and they look at you like your stupid or are rude to you, start to look at their behavior instead of yours. If this person is going to say or think (whatever it is you feel they are thinking like "what a worthless idiot" then that is simply showing you what an asshole they are! What kind of person would be mean to another person who is simply asking a question ?? Or whatever the situation is. Then you say wow what a jerk do I really care what this person thinks? They are mean and not worth my time energy or emotions! I don't know if I explained this technique very well, like I said I'm in a hurry but I learned this in therapy. I don't know if you have tried that but it can be truly life saving. I was in therapy for years then I saw a social anxiety specialist and I have improved more in one year than in the rest of my previous 32 years. It's called CBT- cognitive behavioral therapy and it's truly the way to train your brain to think and view the world and yourself differently. It can be very empowering!! Also I don't know how severe yours is but I literally couldn't leave my house or even look up at people let alone manage to speak so I was given clonozapam which in combination with therapy has helped me more than I could say. So maybe an anti anxiety med can help as well. Anyway, I saw your post and my heart went out to you. I wanted you to at least know you were heard and someone cares and many relate!! If I didn't make any sense to you, that I apologize but if you have ANY questions about anything PLEASE please don't hesitate to ask me! I would love to help. Always here, casstar