Hi

[Frisine]

Hi everyone,

I am 22 years old and have been suffering from anxiety for almost a year now. I have always been a nervous person who likes to be in control, but last year I fell ill. I was in my last year of university and I started skipping a lot of classes because I was often ill. After a while I noticed that I got nervous during a class because I was afraid that I was going to get ill, going to have to throw up or go to toilet and I would not be able to leave. I lied to everyone, made excuses and told my parents I was still following the lessons, but I was not. I just did not know how to explain this to everyone. It seemed like such a stupid feeling. The more classes I skipped and the more I lied, the less I could go out. I started getting panic attacks in the cinema, in restaurants, basically everywhere. I went to see a psychologist, but she, and everyone else I talked to, seemed to think that I was just having stress about graduating and that I just had a nervous stomach. After a while, I found the courage to talk to some of my friends at the university and they really understood, they helped me a lot and were very supportive. However, that doesn't change the fact that I don't go out, I miss everything and often cannot talk about the things they talk about. I have lost my other friends and my boyfriend. My parents were always supportive, but they did not really understand until they went to my graduation with me. That day was hell, I broke down, it should have been one of the proudest moments of my life, but the only thing I can remember is throwing up outside, feeling dizzy and being really really scared. Since that day I have barely been outside my house. I am really proud that I graduated after the year I had, but now everyone is off looking for jobs and starting their lives and I have no idea how to even go the supermarket. I realize I need help, so I went to see a therapist who specializes in anxiety and I get a lot of support from my family. I know I will get there one day, but right now I feel really alone and I don't even know how to start battling this. I am not so good in talking about this so I decided to try this forum and write it down instead.

[melinda]

I just want you to know you are not alone. You have made a very important step in getting some counseling and I would suggest also working with a family doctor as well, so you all 3 can help together. I have struggled with anxiety and panic attacks for 30 years now altho I am no doctor by no means I have been thru the wringer with this condition. I have a vast knowledge thru my own experiences and research and would be happy to offer any advice I can. I am very happy and content with my life now. NO anxiety is not gone just under control now. I believe knowledge is power and support is the most important thing to have suffering thru this. Good luck to you my friend and know you are in my prayers.

[Ryker]

Hi Frisine,
You'll be pleased to know that I think you sound perfectly normal!
I started at about the same age as you - I was at college and the pressure started building and things went from bad to worse. I stopped talking because I was convinced I sounded like a bumbling idiot and ended up leaving college and being a total recluse for quite a few years.

The good news is this condition isn't a death sentence, it's not a permanent ticket to a hermetic lifestyle, and it doesn't mean you will always be that quivering wreck at the bottom of the supermarket aisle. Really it's not, even though it may feel that way.

Learning how we tick can be a very exciting and rewarding thing. It won't stop you being you, it won't even take the anxiety away, but you can learn to understand it, expect it, prepare for it and even in a perverse sort of way, learn to enjoy it.

It's in your hands. I can recommend some books to read, or if you just want to talk at any time just shout.

[always_with_me]

Hi Frisine,

I had nearly the same experience at my graduation ceremony! We were gathered in a large crowd on the field (this makes me nervous even recounting), and about halfway through the list of folks graduating, I ducked out "for the bathroom." I walked off the field, directly past the bathrooms, and sat on a curb. It took my family a few minutes to realize that I was no longer going through with the thing and they came searching for me. My parents, particularly my father, also did not really understand. I think he had good intentions, but his approach was to remind me that my extended family was in the audience. When I think back, it's less tragic to me now. That was in 2009 and it's long forgotten, replaced by new anxieties (ha). I too have issues--or used to have issues--with theaters, restaurants, etc. My first panic attack occurred shortly after leaving a cinema, so that was kind of a dead place for me for a long time. What I narrowed it down to, which I think helped a little, was that most of the places or situations I was afraid to be were, as you seem to suggest, control related. In short: I was afraid of places that I could not escape--at least not immediately--without offending someone. At the restaurant, you have to wait on the waiter. The theater is brutal cause that's like an hour and half, at least.

Anyways, I'm happy you are making efforts to reach out. I should have done the same, but it took me many years to start seeking out other folks (I'm still very much in the process of doing this). Keep at it! You are not alone!

[Frisine]

Thank you for the replies! It is definitely good to hear that people have gone through similar experiences. At least I'm not crazy :) The thing that depresses me the most I guess is the fact that it is not like a regular disease. I know I will not be able to just take some pills and be over with it, I will probably have to go through a lot of bad experiences if I want it to ever get better. Thank you so much

[melinda]

Unfortunately anxiety is not a quick fix condition but it doesn'the have to be all bad. "Knowledge is Power" and it doesn'the mean you have to suffer ALOT of bad experiences...Many of us older generations did have to learn the hard way but I pray for wisdom and power of control for you so your path is not as hard. There is so much out there now from medication to simple learning yourself and how to be strong. For me I started out at 7 years old banging my head in my pillow to drown out the beatings and horrible conditions I was into and now I lead a happy Content life:) Mental conditions were taboo back then and you rarely spoke, you just suffered alone....Yon have a wealth of information at your finget tips and a huge following believe it or not that really care about your and always ready to listen because they have been there. GOOD LUCK. Always here if needed

[NixonRulz]

Thank you for the replies! It is definitely good to hear that people have gone through similar experiences. At least I'm not crazy :) The thing that depresses me the most I guess is the fact that it is not like a regular disease. I know I will not be able to just take some pills and be over with it, I will probably have to go through a lot of bad experiences if I want it to ever get better. Thank you so much

Most people that realize that they have an anxiety disorder feel that no one else could ever feel the same way

Then they come here and it makes them feel better that they are so. It the only person going through this

It really helps to know that and there are many here that were where you are and are living the dream again

You will be there soon enough but it is just hard now to see the finish line from where you sit

Soon enough. Soon enough.