Just thought Id throw myself into the fire pit.

[Coobie]

Just in case none of you saw me in the "welcome" area, Ill reiterate. My name is Jade, and I am 23, married no children and have been suffering from anxiety/panic for about 4 years, and yes I have been medicated (lexapro, paxil, effexor xr) Effexor was the most recent and did the best job, as the others just did not help. I chose to get off meds for a few reasons, but mainly to know who I am without meds.. and if I could handle being off it.

So here I am a few months later. . .

At first, things were fine, no panic, or anxiety, but the longer I am off the med the more it comes back, all of it.

Last night for instance, I would close my eyes to go to bed and it was like the second I would fall asleep, I would think my heart stopped and Id wake up immediately. Or, in that instance I just felt like I couldn't breathe correctly. Needless to say I was up half of the night feeling anxious about this, all the while, I kept trying to go to sleep. Eventually I did pass out lol.

Tonight, rather today, I keep thinking I can't breathe right. I don't have any indications to suggest a problem other than I just think I am breathing funny. I don't smoke, and rarely drink.
I think this is from last nights little episode.

I wonder if I will sleep okay tonight? I think my anxiety hangs out while I sleep too, making me feel not as fresh as I should when I do get up, even though, you know, I don't sleep well anyways.

I don't understand why I have attacks and anxiety all the time. At night it is the absolute WORST. The computer used to help me so much but now that doesn't stop the anxiety building up.

I find myself eating things to sooth the nerves in my stomach, not such a good idea.

I also notice when I eat and maybe get acid reflux, for some reason that brings on anxiety and or a panic attack.

I have tried many things as I do much research, it just seems that my mind over powers the majority of it and although sometimes it works, other times it does not. My hubby is pretty supportive, he just doesn't understand why it all happens.

I am so OVER being like this. I am really thinking about medicine again. I think I have realized that this is something like mental retardation, something in which I cannot change, a defect just not from birth.
(Although as a child I used to think I was having a heart attack all the time).

I don't know what started this, well I sort of do, but it really was more of a trigger head than a good reason. No major trama etc. I cant figure it out, even with therapy I couldn't get to the root.

I am afraid of death (not dying, just what happens when you die) and because of my logic, I have a hard time believing in God or any religion. I Would not consider myself an atheist, as I want to believe, but logic rules everything out.

SO can anyone relate to anything ive said?

[EricH]

1'st call: Get back on your prescribed meds in order to stabilize your situation. If they worked get back on them NOW!!

2'nd: Schedule an appointment and ask your doctor about non-med treatment options for your situation.

Best wishes...

[MissCKC]

I can totally relate to the things that you are saying!

Sometimes I have the same problem when I am trying to sleep. I don't understand it at all. I will lay down to go to sleep and it seems like I will be almost there and than all of a sudden I feel like I'm not breathing or my heart isn't beating. This causes me to jump up/jolt awake. When I get this way it seems to happen over and over until I just eventually end up passing out. It actually happened to me the other day while I was trying to take a nap and I jolted up and thought that maybe I was having an asthma attack (I don't even have asthma). It took me a couple of minutes to realize that I was actually breathing fine and that there was nothing wrong. I don't know if this is the exact same way that you feel...but I can definitely relate to what you have said.

I am engaged and my fiance is really supportive, but he doesn't understand why I'm like this either. I am also completely fed up with having anxiety. I don't want to accept it as being a part of my life forever but sometimes I don't see the light at the end of the tunnel!

Also, I am the EXACT same way when it comes to religion. I wouldn't consider myself to be an atheist either, but my logic/way of thinking seems to make it impossible for me to be religious. I want to believe too....but for some reason I can't.

So, pretty much what I am trying to say is that I can TOTALLY relate to the things that you have said. It's almost like I could have been the one typing what you said, because that's how much I can relate. I hope that this helps you feel a little bit better. I also hope that we both sleep well tonight without feeling like our hearts have stopped beating! :)

[Robbed]

Also, I am the EXACT same way when it comes to religion. I wouldn't consider myself to be an atheist either, but my logic/way of thinking seems to make it impossible for me to be religious. I want to believe too....but for some reason I can't.

I think that my BIGGEST problem with religion is the way that God is typically made out to be. Simply put, he (or she or it, depending on how you like to think about this) is made out to be a horribly brutal entity worse than Satan - an entity whom we must FEAR (thus the term 'God-fearing'). Indeed, most religions are fear-based (not a good thing, especially if you suffer from anxiety). Yet, at the same time, God is made out to be all-loving and all-forgiving. When you combine these two things, God starts to sound ALOT like a brutal dictator (ie Josef Stalin), complete with trememdous acts of brutality, and propaganda suggesting benevolence. Then again, religions are made by man, and not God. And I think that MOST religions tend to have a STRONG component of social control in addition to and/or instead of a component of spirituality. What better way to keep people 'in line' than the threat of unspeakable punishments for even petty wrongdoing?

[Coobie]

It's so nice to know I was not going crazy!

I did sleep much better the following night!

Tonight sucks =x. I was thinking about going over to a Friends for food and fire works but already I feel "dizzy" and out of sorts. I hate this. I told my husband I don't think I can keep doing this without medications because I am sick of being scared all the time.

As for the comment about the God thing.. I don't believe in God. I don't believe in hell or satan or that people go to hell. It just also happens that I don't believe in heaven or any place like that lol.

Even if I COULD believe, I KNOW that I would not believe in things like hell, as we are humans and we are going to mess up.

So anyways.

I was thinking about writing a book on anxiety, my own personal experiences from what I can recall. I think it would help people alot.