What's Your Worst Anxiety Nightmare ?

[1Bluerose68]

Recently mine was about my house being "Booby Trapped." Anywhere i stepped I would face an object in the house that could explode or hurt me.

Perhaps this is Freudian too in anxiety meaning, fear of explosive men.....

[jessed03]

I used to have a recurring nightmare where I was walking around the streets at night, and I could sense bad people were out there.... only, for some reason, I couldn't run. I was stuck in slow-mo.

Shortly after my nervous breakdown, I dreamt my mum was chasing me around the house with a huge knife, trying to kill me. Another night I dreamt I beat the heck out of my dad. Ugh.

Keep sharing...

[1Bluerose68]

I kept having weird dreams fresh year in college of walking in the fog with a chest of headlights to guide my way. I also had a recurring nightmare of trying to cross the street but got stuck on a yellow and sat there Indian style forever and never ever crossed the street.Worst college nightmare. Kind of like a precurser dream to attending college, doing the work, then in reality there may be failure in a career. The unknown caused psychic nightmare type of breakdown in my sleep. Kind of like my sun conscious fear of failure b4 the failure.These weird mares were around the time the Space Shuttle had crashed too, like 1985-6 ish???

[JB478]

I was running to escape from "something", I didn't actually recognize what was it. Then it ended like I had nowhere to go.

[ALoneAndEmpty]

i have kept having a dreams that a man with no face keep chasing me around where ever will i go.

[1Bluerose68]

The othernight i had a dream that when i was about 4 y/o i was making money. How i was making money was silly. I was playing with Copper colored play dough and penny shaper for clay dough. I was making money in my sleep...................Ya think i'll win The Lottery some day soon???I don't usually dream about money...What do you think my dream means to you?

[jessed03]

The othernight i had a dream that when i was about 4 y/o i was making money. How i was making money was silly. I was playing with Copper colored play dough and penny shaper for clay dough. I was making money in my sleep...................

It was a good dream?

[Surfside]

My worse has been the same for quite some time now...

Just bullies from my school days are still haunting me, I guess.

[1Bluerose68]

You dream of being bullied?

[1Bluerose68]

Last night I had a dream that I was in college again, grad school. I had dreamed that I was attending a college in Spain and Pope Francis, the newest pope of the Catholic Church was working along my side reviewing my research at a desk in thee library. But then we were all threatened by something that was going to explode and was like a scene from the TV series, Scorpion. We all had to get out of the library before some type of bomb went off. It was sent specifically to our cohort doing research with the pope. I live in the USA and am all done w/ school, thank God, and have agoraphobia. Thus, this was definitely just a bizarre dream of the freedoms which I don't partake in life. But then again I'm not left holding ,"The bomb" either?

[NixonRulz]

My nightmare is about me at a pub and the most exquisite of women buys me a drink. Stating to her that this type thing happens to me all the time because, (well Reader, if you could see me on here, you would understand. I mean hot. Like really hot. Smokin...��anyway, I digress. Now back to our show) I get along with people well. We drink, we laugh, we have a bite and she seems like the whole package. She asks if I'm into Fifty Shades of Grey. I say, no, but I like to smoke crack on religious holidays. She pulls out a crack pipe and it is exactly like mine! We stare into each others eyes and I know she is the one. I can see she knows what the hell I'm talking about. Then the nightmare begins. I ask her what her name is . She tells me her name is "Anxiety!!!" So my fight or flight kicks in and I run out of the pub trying to get away from Anxiety. She yells "hey you" because I never told her my name and she begins chasing me. So I spend the rest of my nightmare running away from the best thing that could have happened to me.

Oh, the irony

[1Bluerose68]

So, the key is there in your dreams, kiddo. Its the theme---You are secretly afraid of finding a sexual partner, a soul mate, a future wife, a best friend, anything close to female that would click with you will also REPEL you in the end. Are you gay? You may think that is an insult, but my ? is Freudian really. It all goes back to latent, manifested, dream content material which secretly reveals our feelings of our sexuality. Hope you understand.------

[NixonRulz]

You are reading wayyyy too much into things. You sound like Im Suffering

Don't think I'm gay but I will try anything 20 times before making a determination

Been married for a long time

[jessed03]

Been married for a long time

And he's been with his girlfriend even longer.

[NixonRulz]

And he's been with his girlfriend even longer.

Fortunately she is naïve and doesn't have a clue

[Surfside]

You are reading wayyyy too much into things. You sound like Im Suffering

Don't think I'm gay but I will try anything 20 times before making a determination

Been married for a long timeLMAO :)

I think people make such a big deal out of dreams and sex. Personally, I'm asexual and I have dreams that are sexual in nature, but I think nothing of it really, and its just a dream.

But hahaha...2O times is a charm LOL

[trivedisites]

I always have a dream that, I am losing my parents. I am continuously running behind them but suddenly they are lost.

[Im-Suffering]

Been married for a long time



What's his name?

[jessed03]

What's his name?

I'm getting...wait..Ralph? Or Dick?

Oh! Nixon, you want some aloe vera for that BURN. :D

[NixonRulz]

What's his name?

I see you edited post. Thought you were trolling

Was about to put you on blast

[Im-Suffering]

I see you edited post. Thought you were trolling

Was about to put you on blast

Blast, trolling, I must be getting old when I have to look up these words (in a 'slang' 'urban' dictionary). Interesting use they have in sentences.

Do I have the meaning correct (I will give 2 examples, where the words are used, but in different context) -

"I thought you were insulting toward me, and attempting to inflame the conversation with derogatory comments, and so I was about to call you out and publically humiliate you. But, alas ! you reconsidered the error of your ways. I therefor rescind any backlash that was considered, toward you"

Or - (a little information for the history buff when man fished with explosives rather than traditional 'poles' invented just recently)

"Trolling for fish on the open ocean is the very pinnacle of sport-fishing for many saltwater anglers. Where in the past it was fashionable to blast the ocean floor, now a simple pole on the surface with chum will do. Using chum to fish with will attract more fish and allow you to catch more in a shorter time rather than the traditional blast with dynamite which until recently destroyed the catch. It was not quite understood why until the advent of the 'fishing pole' that trolling was seen so effective. Much less volatile than blowing up the ocean floor because the dynamite stick not only caught the fish but destroyed it. It was concluded by the greatest scientific minds of the time that one could not preserve the flesh for food in this manner. The remnants if ever found, often miles away, say the original Cod, or shellfish, even if cooked by the explosion to a degree, were often burnt and not edible. One eye witness woman, 12 miles inland found a singed tuna head in her driveway, just for example. Now, a good fishing chum can be made at home and saved for future use."

I need to keep in mind the demographic here generally speaking, during conversation. Humor could get a bit 'wild' at times.

Sincerest regards from both my wife and I,

Haywood Jablowme
and Dreama Cox

[Surfside]

What is going on the eddied posting. I took it as quite the compliment actually (before it was edited). I'm no troll! I am asexual and proud of it. I would/could go into further detail if needed to show I'm truthful.

[jessed03]

Haywood Jablowme Lol! I heard that guy lives with his wife in Norfolk Enway.

Surfside: Can you explain your a-sexuality? Just briefly. I'm very curious.

[NixonRulz]

Blast, trolling, I must be getting old when I have to look up these words (in a 'slang' 'urban' dictionary). Interesting use they have in sentences.

Do I have the meaning correct (I will give 2 examples, where the words are used, but in different context) -

"I thought you were insulting toward me, and attempting to inflame the conversation with derogatory comments, and so I was about to call you out and publically humiliate you. But, alas ! you reconsidered the error of your ways. I therefor rescind any backlash that was considered, toward you"

Or -

"Trolling for fish on the open ocean is the very pinnacle of sport-fishing for many saltwater anglers. Where in the past it was fashionable to blast the ocean floor, now a simple pole on the surface with chum will do. Using chum to fish with will attract more fish and allow you to catch more in a shorter time rather than the traditional blast with dynamite which until recently destroyed the catch. It was not quite understood why until the advent of the 'fishing pole' that trolling was seen so effective. Much less volatile than blowing up the ocean floor. A good fishing chum can be made at home and saved for future use."

I need to keep in mind the demographic here generally speaking, during conversation. Humor could get a bit 'wild' at times.

Sincerest regards from both my wife and I,

Haywood Jablowme
and Dreama Cox

I don't even know how to respond

[NixonRulz]

What is going on the eddied posting. I took it as quite the compliment actually (before it was edited). I'm no troll! I am asexual and proud of it. I would/could go into further detail if needed to show I'm truthful.

No one thought you were trolling, Surfside. You are good.

Asexual seems like it would be impossible but I have heard that there are indeed people like that

It doesn't bother you? I believe it would bother me but it is cool that you are saying you are loud and proud

[Surfside]

^Thanks NixonRulz, I realized it had nothing to do with me once I read it.

HAHA I know that reminded me of Mr. Jack Mehoff LOL

Well, no problem at all jessed03. I'm not a virgin, and growing up was really confusing to say the very least. I don't' have gender identity disorder (I don't feel). I'm happy being male; although I don't always fit the stereotype so to speak.

I dated girls in school to pretend for my families sake mostly but got little to no enjoyment out of it sexually, but did (and still do) enjoy the company of a woman emotionally. I also experimented with the same sex, and even then found I was getting really no enjoyment from it. Maybe it was the idea of the other person getting pleasure, but I was hardly aroused by the act itself.

I've discovered over the years, that, I only enjoy having sex with 1 person (myself), and am fine with that.

I think people easily mistake themselves to be gay if they view gay porn, but this really is not the case (in my opinion, people can get aroused by animals having sex) . I watch a lot less porn than I used to growing up and find - I just enjoy the solitude.

Hope that made sense. If not, I'll try to reword it if possible.

I suppose this is a bit OT since I love sex dreams with any sex, just not in real life...

Yours Truly,
Phillip McCavity :P

[Im-Suffering]

You 'caught' my attention today -




I suppose this is a bit OT since I love sex dreams with any sex, just not in real life...



A man without function in his legs for example, will dream of running free with complete use of them, allowing for some emotional release psychically. You see, those restrictions in daily life will be acted out, one way or the other. You cannot hold onto repressed feelings for long. Do you understand?

From another post of yours :

Such despondency, lethargy - why?

"I got back from the appointment with the new doc and it pretty much was no help at all, so I'll look around for another doctor I suppose. He was more interested in looking at his watch that anything I had to say, so I didn't say much or even bother. It never came down to being admitted anyway, because I really didn't say all that much about some of my "true" feelings."

Tell me, in this safe setting of anonymity, and you know who I am (and so does Dan). You can see from my other posts (not in this light-hearted thread).

What are your 'true' feelings?

Why do you fear loss of liberty, or 'admission to a ward' - 'persecution' based on thought alone to such a degree as to alienated or alienate yourself from the world, like some lepar.

I am listening.

[jessed03]

^Thanks NixonRulz, I realized it had nothing to do with me once I read it.

HAHA I know that reminded me of Mr. Jack Mehoff LOL

Well, no problem at all jessed03. I'm not a virgin, and growing up was really confusing to say the very least. I don't' have gender identity disorder (I don't feel). I'm happy being male; although I don't always fit the stereotype so to speak.

I dated girls in school to pretend for my families sake mostly but got little to no enjoyment out of it sexually, but did (and still do) enjoy the company of a woman emotionally. I also experimented with the same sex, and even then found I was getting really no enjoyment from it. Maybe it was the idea of the other person getting pleasure, but I was hardly aroused by the act itself.

I've discovered over the years, that, I only enjoy having sex with 1 person (myself), and am fine with that.

I think people easily mistake themselves to be gay if they view gay porn, but this really is not the case (in my opinion, people can get aroused by animals having sex) . I watch a lot less porn than I used to growing up and find - I just enjoy the solitude.

Hope that made sense. If not, I'll try to reword it if possible.

I suppose this is a bit OT since I love sex dreams with any sex, just not in real life...

Yours Truly,
Phillip McCavity :P

Lmao at this signing off with funny names.

Thanks anyway for the insight. I can't say I've met anyone a-sexual before. Well, I probably have, but I've never spoken to them about it. So do you have a normal sex drive, or is it somewhat subdued?

[jessed03]

.

I've heard you mention repressed emotions on this forum a lot. I've seen it written in books frequently, too. Yet I've never given it much thought. Even though I think it's a fairly legit concept, from what I understand of it.

Can you give me a couple of examples of a typical case of repressed emotions?

And say you find out you probably have repressed emotions, what do you do about them?

[Surfside]

Oh, no problem, and I actually don't know who you are believe it or not - have not been paying attention enough; regrettably. I recently started posting here again.

I do get what you are saying about "repressed feelings" - I don't actually feel all the repressed (sexually) tbh. I in real life, I "enjoy the scenery", but have no desire to be with another person. Sorry if this sounds harsh, but I find that act of sex a bit disgusting for many reasons. To me, there is just more to life than sex, and I'm perfectly fine with my own self pleasure.

This could get dark though about my "true feelings" I was holding back from the appointment today. I get the feeling you were referring to repressed sexual feelings, but that truly is not that case. I humbly admit that those "true feelings" are of ones hopelessness and feelings of taking my life - you did ask.

See..I'm afraid that if I admit to those feelings and just how severe they get (at times), I would be hospitalized, and if you were/are reading a posting I made on that thread you were referring to, I have no people in my real life.

My concerns are, that, if admitted into a hospital setting (again), they would be hesitant to release me to no friends/family (I only have online friends). But of course they would when insurance runs out; I have no dout(s)

I do hope that gave you some insight of why I've gone untreated for quite some time.

PS: We did touch on my agoraphobia though which has ruing any chance of a real life; let alone meeting a actual person to even have affectionate moment with.

[Im-Suffering]

I've heard you mention repressed emotions on this forum a lot. I've seen it written in books frequently, too. Yet I've never given it much thought. Even though I think it's a fairly legit concept, from what I understand of it.

Can you give me a couple of examples of a typical case of repressed emotions?

And say you find out you probably have repressed emotions, what do you do about them? -

Get them out - express yourself - heal the false beliefs as we will discuss below - solve the mental problems causing the 'imprisonment' - where self is held hostage. There are many books to read - or discuss in therapy.

The asexual thoughts in surfside are the example of an outcome. I am genuinely concerned, because that mind is alone and afraid. (isolated with its false beliefs).

AIDS is a result symbolically of repression.
Cancer is a form of repression (the body overgrows in certain areas as a symbolic response to repressed feelings, despondency, and is seemingly stuck where there is no way out of the problems seen by the self. You could call it a form of suicide)

As in AIDS - you have the thought for example (and so an entire culture as well as individually can be repressed or suppressed) -

The thought - (repression, and ultimately suppression of the self and desires)-

'I am this way (gay) - people are repulsed by me, my thoughts are unnatural, I am some abnormality, look at the fear in peoples eyes, the disgust - and so I will show them - I will kill myself..let them see on TV what they have done to us"

And in that case repression effects the systems, the antibodies. The body gives up the fight, see?

Epilepsy is a result of repression in large part, for the self cannot express his emotions, and so he begins to shake and stutter, milder ofcourse is anxiety at the core. The epileptic is expressing himself, you see in that display of released energies during a seizure.

Those with no one to talk to, no one who truly listens, like our friend surfside. Those that blame, feel shame, and hide in the shadows of guilt.

Do you understand? This is a good answer. Now, theres more to the picture of say AIDS or other diseases, but there is always the repressed psyche at the core.

[Surfside]

Lmao at this signing off with funny names.

Thanks anyway for the insight. I can't say I've met anyone a-sexual before. Well, I probably have, but I've never spoken to them about it. So do you have a normal sex drive, or is it somewhat subdued?Yeah, sort of cracked me up a bit too.

You most likely have indeed, but, yes, people are hesitant to confess their sexuality (or lack thereof) to others, or they just avoid social interactions altogether. What I've found, people that are asexual or homosexual will frequently use religion as a "cover up" to disguise their feelings. What I'm saying, is, they will us the 'sex before marriage'.

I will openly confess, I've used that one myself to explain it away when I was younger.

My "sex drive" is fairly in tact I would say (really not trying to be graphic). During dark times sexual desire is the last thing on my mind.

[Im-Suffering]

Oh, no problem, and I actually don't know who you are believe it or not - have not been paying attention enough; regrettably. I recently started posting here again.

I do get what you are saying about "repressed feelings" - I don't actually feel all the repressed (sexually) tbh. I in real life, I "enjoy the scenery", but have no desire to be with another person. Sorry if this sounds harsh, but I find that act of sex a bit disgusting for many reasons. To me, there is just more to life than sex, and I'm perfectly fine with my own self pleasure.

This could get dark though about my "true feelings" I was holding back from the appointment today. I get the feeling you were referring to repressed sexual feelings, but that truly is not that case. I humbly admit that those "true feelings" are of ones hopelessness and feelings of taking my life - you did ask.

See..I'm afraid that if I admit to those feelings and just how severe they get (at times), I would be hospitalized, and if you were/are reading a posting I made on that thread you were referring to, I have no people in my real life.

My concerns are, that, if admitted into a hospital setting (again), they would be hesitant to release me to no friends/family (I only have online friends). But of course they would when insurance runs out; I have no dout(s)

I do hope that gave you some insight of why I've gone untreated for quite some time.

PS: We did touch on my agoraphobia though which has ruing any chance of a real life; let alone meeting a actual person to even have affectionate moment with.

No, repressed sexual feelings are a result, you see. I wanted the truth. Which is behind the beliefs - The beliefs are what you present to me here, I want the real self.

The hopelessness leading to feelings of suicide are 'natural' as far as the train of thought, period. Its starts with some inner problem, which over time turns to worry, doubts, despondency and it twin cousin, depression. If left, say 'untreated' in your terms, that's when it could touch on those dark places. The self sees no other way out - with no help from within, because he is shut down to a degree, and even the therapists will be seen as an inconvenience because all positive affirmations, life-giving, closed off from the psyche.

You don't need to be locked up - you need to be set free. I do care. And you are worth it, you understand. You are loved, even if the ego cant see that -

Keep up with the therapist - do not allow self to bail out - please.

And PM me, if you want to start a relationship as far as healing - or getting to know self from a different more constructive angle. Read some of my past posts -

[Surfside]

Reading/absorbing your above posting now.

Again thank you for your care and maybe coming back here was possibly the best decision I've made this year!!!

PS: Agreed I have indeed "shut down", but hopefully this will change (without just relying on hope - of course)

[Im-Suffering]

Reading your above posting now.

Again thank you for your care and maybe coming back here was possibly the best decision I've made this year!!!

Yes, coming here to get this message today - serendipity. I was drawn to you.

Stay with the therapy - That was the best decision. The checking the watch, the seemingly blasé attitude (of the therapist) are a reflection of your hopelessness, you see. You have the belief, and you project it out - You literally see what you want to see, in that regard.

So I don't care if he glues his watch to his forehead and he cant even see you - you must open and express. And I tell you sternly, part of the reason for the suicidal thoughts is because you want to live, not die. But, from the current position that seems so diminished as to have no hope -

There is always hope - you have prayed for it. The strength to see you through these times.

So stay with therapy, at all costs - tell them "I want to live again", not die - You simply want to feel good, you see, with death as a perverted (distorted) illusion on how to accomplish that. But you cant get rid of the pain simply by removing self from life - You need to come back to life - see. In the current body. That is the sole 'soul' challenge.

[Surfside]

Hey all :)

Something meaningful happened in this thread today, and it was meant to happen for a reason (I think we all learned something today here)

Truly, I wish all those posting could be moved to a thread about repressed thoughts/feelings, because they are VERRY important/insightful, and should not just go buried within in this thread.

With that said, lets get back to sharing some of those nightmares again, and take this thread back to those creepy dreams well all have come to know all too well ;)

[1Bluerose68]

Well, I re-read the post of your nightmare, and as I had interpreted your dream and i am just a lay amateur dream interpreter, of course. But, i did not read into any info that would have forewarned me that you have a wife. That is not mentioned in this dream. Furthermore, I do not go and read everyone's history on this site. I go with ,"The here and now." type of reaction to what i have read. So, I really don't think i was anything but giving my understanding of your dream. And, I have taken a few psychology courses on dreaming and the sub conscious mind and of Freud. He is one of my biggest historical leaders in psychology. ZI read a lot of his works in my early 20's and the writings inspired me to major in psychology. You ought to read some of freud's Dream Interpretation books, in lieu of toking a crack pipe, or what ever it is that you and the female subject of your dream both had exactly the same and in common.

[1Bluerose68]

I think you are throwing the fact that you are Married at me like a Force Field Shield. I am sticking to my genre son.

[1Bluerose68]

I don't understand how you can't see some people choosing to be asexual in lifestyle choice. Most of us are not forced into sex, unless they are from some Mid Eastern Pre Arranged Marriage, Hmong woman taken in the middle of the night for some Hmong man who is definately sexual in nature, or drug addicted persons who just cant control their sexual urges because the drug makes them have these desires that perhaps w/o they too would be asexual. There is NOTHING wrong with choosing to be ASEXUAL. Yey, and more power to you asexual people out there. That means choosing NOT to be sexual, right....?It's also a GOD GIVEN FREEDOM to say, "NO!!"

[Surfside]

I don't understand how you can't see some people choosing to be asexual in lifestyle choice. Most of us are not forced into sex, unless they are from some Mid Eastern Pre Arranged Marriage, Hmong woman taken in the middle of the night for some Hmong man who is definately sexual in nature, or drug addicted persons who just cant control their sexual urges because the drug makes them have these desires that perhaps w/o they too would be asexual. There is NOTHING wrong with choosing to be ASEXUAL. Yey, and more power to you asexual people out there. That means choosing NOT to be sexual, right....?It's also a GOD GIVEN FREEDOM to say, "NO!!"I feel compelled to reply, although, I DO believe there are people out there that are hiding their sexuality (or repressing their thought/feelings). In some way(s) yes, I am repressing my sexual desires (I hope this will make sense and give you a better picture of me then). For some, its a way to cope with their insecurities (I've known many). This just isn't the case with myself. Given the opportunity to have real sex, I think (for me) sex was more about the other person feeling some pleasure from me. I (myself) got little enjoyment from it. I never said I feel any guilt from it, just don't feel the desire to have sex with another person again (as I say I'm not a virgin). Can somebody change and become sexual again...who knows - possibly, but everything that goes alone with sex, for me, is nothing I'm currently interested in. I have NO desire to reproduce, and find the emotional connection to be of much more importance WAY above sex.

Currently, for me its a no-go even if the opportunity were there. I suppose I should only speak for myself, really. Choosing to be asexual (for me) means not with another person. This tends to be a bit skewed because I highly doubt there is anybody out there that does not "please themselves", and LOVE that sex...

Putting the sexuality aside for a bit, something is drawing me to overthink this day hahaha, yep I do that!!

I do agree with a lost of what was said about repressed thoughts causing a person to suffer in secrecy and "shut down"

Thanks for the support though ;)

[Surfside]

Yes, coming here to get this message today - serendipity. I was drawn to you.

Stay with the therapy - That was the best decision. The checking the watch, the seemingly blasé attitude (of the therapist) are a reflection of your hopelessness, you see. You have the belief, and you project it out - You literally see what you want to see, in that regard.

So I don't care if he glues his watch to his forehead and he cant even see you - you must open and express. And I tell you sternly, part of the reason for the suicidal thoughts is because you want to live, not die. But, from the current position that seems so diminished as to have no hope -

There is always hope - you have prayed for it. The strength to see you through these times.

So stay with therapy, at all costs - tell them "I want to live again", not die - You simply want to feel good, you see, with death as a perverted (distorted) illusion on how to accomplish that. But you cant get rid of the pain simply by removing self from life - You need to come back to life - see. In the current body. That is the sole 'soul' challenge.Im Suffering was/is sensing something in my posting and felt/feels compelled to offer this advice to me.

This I have to keep short though, only because I'm still processing what was written to me putting sexuality aside.

I'm much MUCH more concerned with "coming back to life". What is life for me, this will be my journey going forward, because I am not living - just existing without direction. CURRETNLY, I'M AND EMPTY SHELL - NO GOOD AT ALL.

Just because I chose to be asexual, does not mean that I want to live a life of total isolation, so there is nothing to disagree with here.

Sorry, but everything is this posting above is correct 100%, and advice that I should follow, because it was from the heart advice, and to many things were "spot on" for it be accident.

Ok, I need to process today.

Bye 4 now.

[Im-Suffering]

Well...lets not stop there. We will go a bit further now. I will not go into the topic of abuse here, because that is indeed private and for closed discussions. Just know as an adult now, one can go back to childhood and recognize any abuse, and attribute it back to the current life. This can 'clear the air' a bit, through examination and clarity, from an adult point of view. If the result of the abuse was the child thinking it was his/her fault (they always do) then the beliefs could be insidious and hidden under protective layers. "my parents were wonderful' (even as they critiqued, belittled, and beat the self worth from under you). The result, "I am bad". Now, how could you have any meaningful relationships, as bad as you think you are.




I have NO desire to reproduce, and find the emotional connection to be of much more importance WAY above sex.




I mentioned you feel this way because of a distorted sense of worth. You must say - or at the least recognize "all that I believe about myself, including my image, identity, ideas about who I am, and who I am in relation to the world and peers, is skewed by a warped and distorted belief system. I feel abandoned, shameful, and this is from my conditioning. I realize my words, phrases, paragraphs, thoughts, sentences, ideas, and boundaries, limitations, bad feelings, the 'darkness' all come from my inner hurt child."

And since the child is hurt, that child certainly would not know what to do with another child.

Sex is the manifestation of the spirit as it plays and frolics and explores the boundaries of love, acceptance, freedom, companionship, self esteem, and is the closest one gets to 'heaven' in this system. To deny that experience with another, is to deny self of its basic nature. Stuffing up the energies - and creating havoc on the psyche and body. Sex is the exploration of that coveted emotional connection, where the spirit can soar with eagles.

Now, further in we go - Where there is no joy - there is a false belief.

There are no exceptions. No matter the sparring I will receive with the inevitable flurry of false beliefs that will come here. I mentioned this morning, I want to meet the real self - not the mask it hides behind.

Most people now, snap out of this 'funk' with a jarring emotional trauma of sufficient energy to completely shift the world view and belief system. As an example a failed suicide attempt, a life threatening disease, a coma, a near death experience. Now, those extremes arent mandatory, you see, if you snap out of it willingly which is what we are attempting triggering (some spark in you) today. But most people fall too deep to claw out without that trauma - An illness that puts you near death would immediately bring regrets and a verve for living, a do over, renewed commitments and an awakening to the false errors in judgement that led to the dire experience. A change of heart, literally.

Its the easy road or the dramatic painful one, free will to choose of course. Money, sex, health - the bigger life challenges, are intimately tied in with other people. Because, again, only in relationships can one truly heal as the other continually points to the areas that need work. "You spend all of our money, I cant stand you, its so unfair ! Your a real bastard, you don't care about me or your children"

Now, all of that is not meant for personal attack but to get the other to look inside for the reason they act the way they do, and heal that. This could not be accomplished any other way so vividly but with an intimate friendship and/or family member. It has to hurt, be felt as real, to be taken seriously enough to shift the psyche into a new vibration of change.

Don't pay so much mind to the words in your head, or that come off the tongue, but the feelings from the vibrations you are sending out. That is the truth. And so you say "I feel great", and inside your torn apart. That's a lie, and the most damaging. You must express your truth, once you know what that is.

Now theres a full book to be given, and I could spend hours here, but ill end it now. anything else can be PM. Just allow some time for a response.

Continue the therapy, even if some of the sessions don't seem productive.

[Surfside]

I am truly sorry, but I am unable to process everything at this moment correctly, but am reading each and every word (even though its been edited several times - I was able fortunately catch the changes). I know you are really trying to help me, but this mask I've been wearing has been on for so MANY years now, that the real me is not even somebody I recognize when I look in the mirror.

There are some examples I will give you about asexuality and pansexuality at another time when my mind is working better (I am 100% male), and maybe you will see how "sex" is still possible even if the genitalia is nonexistent - so could that be considered sex?!?.. What am I telling you here, I've have sexual relations with people without any gender identity. This will get more and more confusing, but It seems that you are up to it, and I appreciate your help. This is more help than any doctor visit I've had. None of this was even approached today at the doctors, and honesty, I highly doubt I will be able even discuss this type of thing with a doctor. The only reason I feel I'm able to do this is because this is a forum.

I would have no problem just saying I'm gay, but I've come to realize that there is more to the picture than that, and I find men to be pretty vile (again, sorry for coming across as mean/spirited). I'm not straight, and without question will never EVER reproduce; period.

"No matter the sparring I will receive with the inevitable flurry of false beliefs that will come here"
^I don't care either about sparring from other members - support is support - even banter don't bother me at all - so worry not about that, and I don't feel I'm being attacked by any stretch of the imagination. Beside I think you know I don't offend easily; anyway.

EDIT: Agreed, anything further will be disused by PM and I'm pretty patient for a response, because I just caught the last edit and should process everything before I write much more. Again more information than I was EVER expecting from anybody here.

Just caught another edit from you, and, yes, I was abused but I feel I've gotten past this (or accepted it as best a one can do since the offender has passed away).

What really counts, is I need to pull myself out of this enormous rut I'm in, because to be perfectly honest, the emotional pain I suffer daily is Indescribable to even put into words.

I read everything you wrote, and hopefully others will still feel the needs to post in it now...

[Im-Suffering]

I am truly sorry, but I am unable to process everything at this moment correctly, but am reading each and every word (even though its been edited several times - I was able fortunately catch the changes).


Yes, take your time. Enjoy the day/night. I do several edits, because what comes, comes, whenever it comes. You can reread when relaxed.

Until then,

Fond wishes for that 'spark' of joy.

[1Bluerose68]

Yes, derailed a bit. Just like all those recent Train Wrecks in the USA...

[1Bluerose68]

Thats funny, tee hee.

[Surfside]

Yeah, It sure was TMI :D

I know I'll be having nightmares tonight, trying to comprehend everything today ;)

[1Bluerose68]

Oh my Gosh. Porch Light Went Out and Scared
When i finally fell asleep i had nightmares of Giant Earthworms. Especially after reading Yahoo news about the giant catfish caught a few days ago. They kept the poor thing alive and made a video of him just flailing w/ his gills at the shore w/o enough water for the poor oversized freakish Catfish. Anyhow then I had nightmares inspired by my anxiety after my porchlight went out for the 1st time since dad had passed away. It was really anxiety producing for me. I couldn't even go to my gym after dinner as my porch was too dark to venture out only to return home to a dark porch, so i didn't. The electrician guy is here today , thank goodness my brother knows a guy who knows a lot about home repairs, AMEN to that God.

[Surfside]

Whew did I have a winner last night -serves me right for leaving the TV on Chiller before bed HA"

I had this dream that I was in a room with 4 people (I seemed to know them although they were faceless). I was on a table with a tube in my mouth and this guy was taunting the others to decide to put battery acid in the tube.

LOLX2...but I did wake up with a sore throat.

[1Bluerose68]

Last night I had a dream, or a nightmare again i would say. I had a nightmare that I was taking a scan tron exam and my eyes were suffering as I took the test and then I got a headache and felt like I was going to FLUNKKKKKKKKKKK, become a societal screw up, and have NO ALTERNATIVES but to Lay Me Down to Sleep Under The Golden Gate Bridge.....

[NixonRulz]

P
Last night I had a dream, or a nightmare again i would say. I had a nightmare that I was taking a scan tron exam and my eyes were suffering as I took the test and then I got a headache and felt like I was going to FLUNKKKKKKKKKKK, become a societal screw up, and have NO ALTERNATIVES but to Lay Me Down to Sleep Under The Golden Gate Bridge.....

With your ability to analyze dreams a bit, what do you think your dream meant

I had a dream two nights ago that I was a Teletubbie. If you can tell me what the hell that meant, tnat would be great Weird.

[1Bluerose68]

Teletubby? Hm, perhaps you were reminiscing back to a earlier time of higher emotional functioning, and less drug use. A time when you would relax, and enjoy the boob tube. Perhaps you were recalling a fun time before you hit the Bong, and made somebody wear your wedding ring, and then had to grow up PDQ. Hows that for my take on your Teletubby dream. My test nightmare dream, well I spent 8 yrs in college, not to mention 12 yrs of Catholic Parochial education, so I vomit over the thought of having to take a scan tron exam. I even took an ASVAB test. That was fun compared to real college tests, but i was too fat and didn't really qualify in spite of a decent score. So I was chicken to lose any more weight so i would qualify for the Front Line of a big Battleship Galactica.

[1Bluerose68]

Last night I had a dream of dad and that he was in the tool shed playing with the cat and trying to corner it in a small angle area of the door of the shed. I was frustrated watching him bother my cat. Then I awakened.....Dad passed away April of 2013.

[lareth]

Not sure if this counts, but i was hospitalized, and on the first night there i had sleep paralysis and a nightmare of some coming into my room and grabbing my arm, and using it to touch their boobs. Lol

It was so weird, and as i was in a bad mental state i thought that maybe it happened :D The boob felt like my ezs boob though, who i had broken up with the night before. But it didnt make the hospitalization experience any more better.

[Joy4456]

I often have this REALLY annoying dream, where I really need to be somewhere (airport, office meeting, wedding) and EVERYTHING GOES WRONG along the way and I never make it on time in the end.
The dreams get really detailed too.. I wake up late, I realize I did not pack, I fall down the stairs, I miss my train, I realize I took my train in the wrong direction, I get robbed, I forgot my passport at home, I can't find my wallet, it never stops !!!
I wake up and I feel like I just got punched in the face, totally exhausted after those nightmares and I have to get ready for work :(