Is anxiety affecting my relationship?! Please Help Dont know how to shake this!losin

[mglover92]

Please help. This is alot to read. I will try to make it short. Anyone who has had Relationship anxiety or ROCD or GAD that has disrupted their relationship please chime in. Any sort of advice I will surely appreciate it. I have a fear of losing my girlfriend,either her cheating on me and leaving me, or me leaving her, or me not loving her anymore or her not being the one. Currently this is my obsession. I have had multiple before, this feels the same but alot worse.

This anxiety started after 1 THOUGHT. LITERALLY 1 THOUGHT, THAT LEAD ME TO BEING MISERABLE. My girlfriend wanted to have sex one night and I wasnt in the mood. I dont know why I wasnt in the mood, but being young and together for 6 years I guess I felt at the time it was starting to get boring? I sort of felt like our relationship was sort of getting boring? It kind of felt like the same routine. But who cares every long term relationship sometimes gets boring right? My mind automatically went crazy and said "maybe you need to break up with her, maybe its time to move on" That thought eventually led me to believe "What if I am losing interest in my girlfriend" After that thought i had a panic attack and have not been the same ever sense. Since I came down with this thought that causes tremendous anxiety me and my girlfriend have been fighting more, we have screamed at each other more than ever in the 6 years of being together, I have withdrawn from her, I question whether I still love her or not, I question if I should still marry her, its TERRIBLE. Now as we speak I constantly go day by day dreading seeing her sometimes out of the anxiety I get when I am around her. I truly believe my obsession and my thought process has literally made me fearful and afraid of being around her because of the anxiety that is brought up because of the thoughts. Sometimes when me and her have a conversation I literally feel like a zombie because I do not know what to say when she is talking about something. Sometimes I just get really quiet and freeze up and dont know what to say back. Its like I am over thinking of distant and I never use to act like this. But when I get back home I am fine...and feel normal. My home is like my safe zone for my anxiety, so when I am out somewhere I am constantly anxious and always looking to go home, even when I am with my girlfriend. I cant stay in one place more than a hour or two then I am ready to go. I always feel like I need to be doing something. I feel like my anxiety ruined my relationship and made my mind do a 180 into convincing me that I do not love her anymore. I also havnt been very affectionate around her anymore either. I just dont know why. I think all the fighting and stuff because of my anxiety just made my brain say "Look you need to move on, she isnt the one, you dont love her, listen to the anxiety" These thoughts are preventing me from enjoying the time with her and being happy. Its almost like I am convinced now that it is over and it wont last and I feel panicky and horrified that might be the case. I do love her, I WANT TO BE WITH HER, I WANT TO FEEL AFFECTIONATE TOWARDS HER, I WANT TO MARRY HER. I DO NOT WANT TO LEAVE HER. Its just when I am in those instances sometimes those feelings just come up and make me think I don't like her, but deep down I know for a fact it is the stress from my anxiety and constant thought process that is causing this emotion and feelings. Atleast I hope so. I just dont know if I am losing feelings for her after all these years (nothing has changed about her to the point where I should even think about leaving her) I honestly have no clue why ALL THE SUDDEN this happened.

A couple questions
1. Could my intrusive thought process when around my girlfriend be causing me to not be as affectionate towards her? They cause big time stress. I am constantly thinking about this shit 24 7. Everytime she shows affection its like my brain goes crazy and I get angry and upset. Its like my brain signals everything she does as danger. And I truly believe this is because I am hyper vigilant when around her and looking for shit to panic on. Also could be because of the fights and stuff lately unfortunately from the stress.
2. How the hell do I get over this? I talked to her about it and told her I love her and I WILL FIX THIS. I do NOT want to break up with her, i love her to death. I just dont know what all the sudden happened. I refuse to throw away a 6 year relationship.
3. The funny thing is, when she does come over, and when we do cuddle in bed, and do begin to have sex i actually LOVE IT. And I am actually the one that gets it going.. Sometimes its just the thought process or the text messages that lead up to it that cause me anxiety. Sometimes it just feels like alot of work, but when it happens I eventually love it ...sometimes it feels like a chore though. I hate to say that.

Whoever takes the time to read this I would really appreciate it. I love my girlfriend, I want to be with her, she is amazing, I want to fix this, I dont know what caused this other than that 1 thought. I just feel terrible though and I feel like It will never be the same. Thanks to anyone who replies with advice...iv talked to her about it, and it makes her really sad hearing it.

[Im-Suffering]

Please help. This is alot to read. I will try to make it short. Anyone who has had Relationship anxiety or ROCD or GAD that has disrupted their relationship please chime in. Any sort of advice I will surely appreciate it. I have a fear of losing my girlfriend,either her cheating on me and leaving me, or me leaving her, or me not loving her anymore or her not being the one. Currently this is my obsession. I have had multiple before, this feels the same but alot worse.

This anxiety started after 1 THOUGHT. LITERALLY 1 THOUGHT, THAT LEAD ME TO BEING MISERABLE. My girlfriend wanted to have sex one night and I wasnt in the mood. I dont know why I wasnt in the mood, but being young and together for 6 years I guess I felt at the time it was starting to get boring? I sort of felt like our relationship was sort of getting boring? It kind of felt like the same routine. But who cares every long term relationship sometimes gets boring right? My mind automatically went crazy and said "maybe you need to break up with her, maybe its time to move on" That thought eventually led me to believe "What if I am losing interest in my girlfriend" After that thought i had a panic attack and have not been the same ever sense. Since I came down with this thought that causes tremendous anxiety me and my girlfriend have been fighting more, we have screamed at each other more than ever in the 6 years of being together, I have withdrawn from her, I question whether I still love her or not, I question if I should still marry her, its TERRIBLE. Now as we speak I constantly go day by day dreading seeing her sometimes out of the anxiety I get when I am around her. I truly believe my obsession and my thought process has literally made me fearful and afraid of being around her because of the anxiety that is brought up because of the thoughts. Sometimes when me and her have a conversation I literally feel like a zombie because I do not know what to say when she is talking about something. Sometimes I just get really quiet and freeze up and dont know what to say back. Its like I am over thinking of distant and I never use to act like this. But when I get back home I am fine...and feel normal. My home is like my safe zone for my anxiety, so when I am out somewhere I am constantly anxious and always looking to go home, even when I am with my girlfriend. I cant stay in one place more than a hour or two then I am ready to go. I always feel like I need to be doing something. I feel like my anxiety ruined my relationship and made my mind do a 180 into convincing me that I do not love her anymore. I also havnt been very affectionate around her anymore either. I just dont know why. I think all the fighting and stuff because of my anxiety just made my brain say "Look you need to move on, she isnt the one, you dont love her, listen to the anxiety" These thoughts are preventing me from enjoying the time with her and being happy. Its almost like I am convinced now that it is over and it wont last and I feel panicky and horrified that might be the case. I do love her, I WANT TO BE WITH HER, I WANT TO FEEL AFFECTIONATE TOWARDS HER, I WANT TO MARRY HER. I DO NOT WANT TO LEAVE HER. Its just when I am in those instances sometimes those feelings just come up and make me think I don't like her, but deep down I know for a fact it is the stress from my anxiety and constant thought process that is causing this emotion and feelings. Atleast I hope so. I just dont know if I am losing feelings for her after all these years (nothing has changed about her to the point where I should even think about leaving her) I honestly have no clue why ALL THE SUDDEN this happened.

A couple questions
1. Could my intrusive thought process when around my girlfriend be causing me to not be as affectionate towards her? They cause big time stress. I am constantly thinking about this shit 24 7. Everytime she shows affection its like my brain goes crazy and I get angry and upset. Its like my brain signals everything she does as danger. And I truly believe this is because I am hyper vigilant when around her and looking for shit to panic on. Also could be because of the fights and stuff lately unfortunately from the stress.
2. How the hell do I get over this? I talked to her about it and told her I love her and I WILL FIX THIS. I do NOT want to break up with her, i love her to death. I just dont know what all the sudden happened. I refuse to throw away a 6 year relationship.
3. The funny thing is, when she does come over, and when we do cuddle in bed, and do begin to have sex i actually LOVE IT. And I am actually the one that gets it going.. Sometimes its just the thought process or the text messages that lead up to it that cause me anxiety. Sometimes it just feels like alot of work, but when it happens I eventually love it ...sometimes it feels like a chore though. I hate to say that.

Whoever takes the time to read this I would really appreciate it. I love my girlfriend, I want to be with her, she is amazing, I want to fix this, I dont know what caused this other than that 1 thought. I just feel terrible though and I feel like It will never be the same. Thanks to anyone who replies with advice...iv talked to her about it, and it makes her really sad hearing it.

Why do you invalidate your thoughts as intrusive? You asked for them. The thoughts come from your beliefs, a natural extension. What did you learn about marriage and relationships, from your parents, friends, relatives? How did your family interact around you growing up?

If you do not know what a belief is, research it. Overall this response is your complete answer to the OP.

For example, a belief -"marriage is boring, people eventually grow apart" attracts thoughts that corroborate (the ones you are having), generating appropriate feelings in your body. If your thoughts make you uncomfortable, then you beliefs are lieing to you about relationships, love, commitment, self worth, and this you learned, you were taught, or conditioned during the years at home, period.

No further answers are needed, do the belief work as suggested. And listen to your thoughts, they give you clues to what you believe. Intrusion is not possible against your will like some attack on your identity, no exceptions.

She holds many of the same beliefs, i.e. the original attraction, so you might be surprised if she is thinking these same thoughts, just not admitting to it. She will have to do the work as well.

[mglover92]

Why do you invalidate your thoughts as intrusive? You asked for them. The thoughts come from your beliefs, a natural extension. What did you learn about marriage and relationships, from your parents, friends, relatives? How did your family interact around you growing up?

Beliefs "marriage is boring, people grow apart" attracts thoughts that corroborate, generating appropriate feelings in your body. If your thoughts make you uncomfortable, then you beliefs are living to you about relationships, love, commitment, self worth, and this you learned, you were taught, period.

I disagree with everything you said, so before when I had a fear of killing myself makes me really want to kill myself? I clearly said I don't want to end things with my girlfriend, and I can see myself married to her. And I am totally against these thoughts and physical sensations,

[Joe.]

From what I've read, you seen to have 'inner conflict', conflicting beliefs or feelings; sort out the conflict and your anxiety should be clearer, and easier to manage.

Take care
I disagree with everything you said, so before when I had a fear of killing myself makes me really want to kill myself? I clearly said I don't want to end things with my girlfriend, and I can see myself married to her. And I am totally against these thoughts and physical sensations,

[mglover92]

If that is the case which is possible what steps should I take to correct it?

[Leslie28]

In regards to your first question - this is called "flooding" and this happens in any normal person. It happens to me when I argue with my boyfriend. I finally learned this by reading John Gottman's "Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work". Don't worry if you're not married, I've been with my boyfriend who suffers from GAD and panic attacks for 14 years and we're still not married but aside from that when we argue he can be very hurtful and defensive which makes my brain "flood" and I stay silent, I become overwhelmed. I'm not sure if this is the same thing you are talking about, but it sounds like it.

My boyfriend suffers from low testosterome which makes him have a low sex drive. Honestly, it never bothered me. For me, sex is not everything to a relationship as long as you have a great time together the other times, but everyone is different. Some people need it everyday so that really depends. I would ask your girfriend what she prefers and see if you can come to a happy medium to fit both your needs. You definately don't want it to feel like a chore everytime. It sounds like you may have some time of performace anxiety?

Hope this helps.

[Im-Suffering]

I disagree with everything you said, so before when I had a fear of killing myself makes me really want to kill myself? I clearly said I don't want to end things with my girlfriend, and I can see myself married to her. And I am totally against these thoughts and physical sensations,

You are afraid of your thoughts, period. Whether that be killing yourself, or taking a canoe trip. You don't know where your thoughts begin, nor where they end. Often you begin a sentence and have no idea how it will end. Thus you know nothing about how you think. Only that you terrify yourself.

And that you do a good job at. Get yourself a good book, say, "the law of attraction", which states you get what you want and what you don't want. If you are, in your terms, "totally against these thoughts" then it is these thoughts you shall have. The more you are against, the more and stronger they get.

Side note: Hey Joe, excellent reply.

To Leslie: "flooding" is from beliefs, and so is his sex drive as you put it. A man can have zero testosterone and a high sex drive according to what he believes, period. This is not open for discussion, you might have him look at his insecurities that would regulate his hormonal balance, period.

Of course this applies to the OP as well who has his doubts, worries, fears.