Continue with school or go to therapy?

[imwithstupid]

Hi there!

I'm new to the forums.. well I just wanted to share this and I hope someone can give me some advice.

I'm 19 years old and I have started college in september, and it's not going well.
When I started college, I started having huge panic attacks, waking up in the middle of the night with this pain on my chest and difficult breathing.
I also had, and still have sometimes, a general feeling of anxiety and tension throughout the day that numb my senses and make me feel insecure and real weird and disconnected from the world.
However, I kept going to school because I told myself it would get better and that these fears are not realistic.

Now it's getting harder to go to school and I've started skipping more. Even though most people are kind in my class, I can't find motivation for school.
Everyone in my class is so social and friendly, excited and happy and I feel out of place.
I worry that I might bore them and I always feel like I have to say something funny and be cheerful too, to make them like me.
I don't think I care enough about myself to even do anything that's good for me, I also have a hard time to truly do something relaxing (like gaming, watching TV shows or reading), or to do my school work.

I'm wondering now whether I should go to therapy (group-therapy) or whether I should continue going to school.
I already have appointments with a psychologist, however, they don't seem to help that well.
I'm treating my generalized anxiety disorder with her and she gives me some assignments to do at home, yet I still feel so worthless, anxious and depressed most of the time.

Last february I already tried going to group-therapy, but didn't want to continue because I didn't feel like my problems were that big at the time, and I was also smoking a lot of weed to dull my senses, made me feel better, and I was convinced that starting school would be good for me, that I could handle it, that it would be fun and nice to have something to truly care about and be interested in.
Yet the doubts and worries about school seem to increase and stop me from doing my school work. I am not really interested in school and I can barely find motivation.

I just feel like I'm not worth it, I have real low self-esteem and I don't know how to live with myself. I'm always so scared of being alone (without friends or anyone around me) because I might never know what feelings will come this time and it's all just a struggle every day.

Somehow I should be having a perfect life now, by going to school, having a loving and caring boyfriend, and I expected everything to be so much nicer.

Therapy seems to me like the logical solution, but I always evade anxiety-related situations and try to do something else, something I think is better at the time, yet always seems so different when I start doing it.

Thanks for reading this, I hope someone can help me or has some advice for me.

Have a good day!

[gypsylee]

Hi there and welcome to the forum :)

My anxiety "started" at 19 (well that's when it got overwhelming and I had to defer university). I ended up going back and finishing my degree, but now I kind of wish I hadn't. I wish I'd gone and done something more suited to me (I did a Business degree).

So my advice would be to do the therapy and see if you really want to do whatever it is you're doing at college. It's so hard to know at that age but perhaps you can get some insight into yourself through doing therapy.

Hang in there.. Anxiety and depression are horrible but try and use it as a learning experience.

All the best,
Gypsy

[Enduronman]

I don't think I care enough about myself to even do anything that's good for me. I'm wondering now whether I should go to therapy? I feel anxious and depressed most of the time. I was also smoking a lot of weed. (I am not really interested in school) and I can barely find motivation. I just feel like I'm not worth it, I have real low self-esteem. I expected everything to be so much nicer. Therapy seems to me like the logical solution, but I always (evade) anxiety-related situations and try to do something else.

Therapy=Yes!
Weed=No!
Evading=No!
School=Why? Because of someone else's "expectations" of you? Because someone else is trying to make YOUR world look like THEY think it should look?
Medications=Yes! Go see an actual doctor..soon.

Maybe, you should think about doing something for yourself that suits you and your own interests for awhile because at present, your own interest isn't in school.
What are YOUR own wishes, wants, desires at the moment? Do you have any (besides wishing your life was perfect as we all do)?
Best wishes friend!

E-Man :)

[imwithstupid]

Thank you for the replies!

I've made my decision, and I am going to talk with my psychologist about assigning me to group therapy, and I'm going to quit college.

It's hard, though, to admit I can't go on with school, and it feels like another failure, because I'm disappointed with myself.
I'm also scared that I might start feeling more worthless and depressed about not going to school.
The whole idea of going to college was to do something for myself only, and for my own future.
I might could have made it - but I also lack the motivation and I can't get things done in time. My future doesn't seem so bright at the moment anyway.
I've got to face the truth - going to college is too hard for me at this moment.

I hope I'm making the right choice, but we can never know beforehand.

All I know is that I don't think I'm gonna make school if I continue this way, and I need to get stronger, more self-assured and appreciate myself more, and learn to enjoy life better.
And my own wish at this moment is to fulfill this, to take myself seriously and to learn how to live with myself better. And I think therapy could help me (a lot) with that.

Again, thanks very much and I guess I'll just have to find out how this is going to work out.

Warm regards and the best to you too :)