I feel like I'm running in circles!! :/

[brittany32888]

Right now I've locked myself in the bathroom because I need a "time-out"
I do this occasionally.... maybe more than occasionally. I've been overwhelmed because I'm taking another trip on Wednesday and I can't kick the habit of getting frazzled everyday leading up to traveling. It affects my relationship the most, which sucks. He doesn't understand my state of panic, and I can't figure out how to be reasonable about it. Frustration is the best word to describe my household these past few days. I feel like I being this all on. I tell him I wish he would act more like he's going to miss me before we leave, and he responds "I do" but it doesn't feel that way. So then I sit here alone and think, of course he's not going to miss me, I'm a fuckin train wreck. I'm sure every time we're going to be apart, he's relieved by the time we actually leave. Like he can finally breathe again. Can I blame him? Loving me is like trying to love a thorn in your ass. I want him to be closer, but I'm pushing him away. And this push-pull routine is exhausting. It's like I can't win. Is it possible to have a healthy relationship whilst dealing with anxiety? I need balance. Somehow.

[Exactice]

Hey Brittany, First off! He is still there and hasnt run yet, so it must mean he understands. Remember one thing..... "Just Because someone doesnt love you the way you love them, doesnt mean they are not loving you with everything they got"

It is tough..... for you and them so trying to understand what each of you are going through takes time. But also communication. When you have calmed down and you have your nerves settled, have a sit down with him and talk it over. Make sure YOU BOTH understand one another. Again he may really truly miss you but you are just not seeing it as you are being blinded by the Anxiety.

Traveling is tough for anyone. I havent left the islands for almost 8 years... it sucks been around the world and cant get on a plane.... My Wife is from Japan and I can even have the guts to visit her family.

Anyways step by step I really think you 2 should talk when all is calm and make sure you know how each other feels when its not so tense!

[sweetdaytx]

Feeling the exact same way right now. My husband and I have been together 7 years almost. . Married 3. Every year the change in seasons from summer to fall makes my anxiety skyrocket. It gets horrible...I always end up at the Dr for anxiety, getting some medicine.. You'd think by now he would know and be able to (somewhat) empathize but instead it gets frustrating and tense. Right now I'm having horrible health anxiety but I'm also having some swelling and tenderness in my upper thigh. The pain is terrible and I think I need to get checked out. We don't have insurance right now so I'm very careful not to go in unless I think it's important. .(I haven't even gone for my anxiety because I'm waiting until we get insurance. .. Which has been hell. )

He tells me" I stress him out... Because I'm like the boy who cries wolf he never knows if it's real". . . This hit me hard. Doesn't he realize that I don't want to think this way? That I don't enjoy obsessing over every ache and pain. ... worrying about the health of every. Single . family. Member. Including him our baby girl most of all. Worrying about fatal car wrecks, rare diseases, etc.

Tonight he went to sleep on the couch and I thought to myself he's going to leave one day for sure.So he can be free from my crazy ass.

Ugh. Just want you to know I totally can relate to this. I hope things get better for you :)

[brittany32888]

Feeling the exact same way right now. My husband and I have been together 7 years almost. . Married 3. Every year the change in seasons from summer to fall makes my anxiety skyrocket. It gets horrible...I always end up at the Dr for anxiety, getting some medicine.. You'd think by now he would know and be able to (somewhat) empathize but instead it gets frustrating and tense. Right now I'm having horrible health anxiety but I'm also having some swelling and tenderness in my upper thigh. The pain is terrible and I think I need to get checked out. We don't have insurance right now so I'm very careful not to go in unless I think it's important. .(I haven't even gone for my anxiety because I'm waiting until we get insurance. .. Which has been hell. )

He tells me" I stress him out... Because I'm like the boy who cries wolf he never knows if it's real". . . This hit me hard. Doesn't he realize that I don't want to think this way? That I don't enjoy obsessing over every ache and pain. ... worrying about the health of every. Single . family. Member. Including him our baby girl most of all. Worrying about fatal car wrecks, rare diseases, etc.

Tonight he went to sleep on the couch and I thought to myself he's going to leave one day for sure.So he can be free from my crazy ass.

Ugh. Just want you to know I totally can relate to this. I hope things get better for you :)

I'm so glad you wrote. I feel this way everyday. We have also been together almost 7 years, and have a son. We also don't have insurance right now, and it stresses me out for all the same reasons you've listed. I have been having some health concerns the past couple weeks, nothing serious thankfully, but you couldn't convince me of that at the time. It's stressful to not be able to make dr appointments just so they can rule things out for you, I'm in much need of that reassurance every time any of us gets sick. I also think about accidents and such on a regular basis. I do have the desire to see a dr. to get on some type of treatment plan for my anxiety, I think I may need hormone therapy, but without insurance I can't justify doing it. Though, he has never verbally expressed anything of my hypochondriac tendencies, things get pretty tense when something comes up. I feel like a little girl again in this situation, a fear of disappointing him or being rejected. Maybe it's my daddy issues that play a huge role in this. Men have an effect on us they fail to realize, and adding anxiety to the mix amplifies that to the max. I want him to love me enough that I'll get better, but do I have to get well enough before he can love me?

Ugh.

Bottom line. Guys suck.

[brittany32888]

Hey Brittany, First off! He is still there and hasnt run yet, so it must mean he understands. Remember one thing..... "Just Because someone doesnt love you the way you love them, doesnt mean they are not loving you with everything they got"

It is tough..... for you and them so trying to understand what each of you are going through takes time. But also communication. When you have calmed down and you have your nerves settled, have a sit down with him and talk it over. Make sure YOU BOTH understand one another. Again he may really truly miss you but you are just not seeing it as you are being blinded by the Anxiety.

Traveling is tough for anyone. I havent left the islands for almost 8 years... it sucks been around the world and cant get on a plane.... My Wife is from Japan and I can even have the guts to visit her family.

Anyways step by step I really think you 2 should talk when all is calm and make sure you know how each other feels when its not so tense!

You're right, I find communication to go smoother when I'm not "freaking out" and I should make more time for that. When I can express in a healthier way, what I go through or how I feel, he seems pretty understanding. Unfortunately though, it never seems to be enough preparation for when these situations arise. He can completely support the concept of my anxiety, but when I'm having anxiety, it feels different. It always seems inconvenient for him, he fails to understand that anxiety is the epitome of inconvenience, for everyone.
I used to enjoy traveling also, I was actually born overseas, and always dreamt of traveling to my birthplace one day, and now having a son, including him in that would make it that much more special. But now, hour long car rides, feel like death. I haven't even attempted plane rides in several years, being in an airport would be the equivalent of picking out a casket at this point.
I want to take my son on trips, but can't leave the house some days.
But enough of that.
How long have you been married?
How has anxiety affected it?

[Enduronman]

Right now I've locked myself in the bathroom because I need a "time-out" I'm a fuckin train wreck. Loving me is like trying to love a thorn in your ass.

Hey Brittany!

I also perform much of the avoidance routines myself, as I try to run and hide from a parent. It is caused by my intense anxiety of many different issues.
My anxiety is so bad right now, that something as simple as a drama television program throws me into some kind of panic attack that forces me into the garage, the sunroom, anywhere else.
I am trying to overcome this problem, as it is going to get worse as the weather gets colder and my parent spends her time watching Court TV. I hate those programs!!
I know that I just need to "block them out" and only hear what I want to hear, but its difficult. This probably has little to do with what you're going through exactly, but it is avoidance of sort.
I believe that just trying to talk to my parent about this issue, will help me to resolve this issue, within my own fucked up train wreck of a mind. I won't try to change her, just help her understand.
She obviously knows that I am purposefully hiding, avoiding her, evading her, she just doesn't really know why but informing her of why, will actually help "me" to solve this for myself.
I do also agree that loving me is like loving a thorn in your ass as I too have had many problems in my relationship with my girlfriend too. She has been very patient with me..for 8 years.
Suggestion: Talk about your raw feelings with your partner. I do. And she brings me to a level of tolerability that I can accept in a very short time....
Just talk it through friend, be open, be honest, that's what Mr. Anxiety HATES!!! It weakens his power over you dramatically.
Wishing you a better day today friend!
Find something to laugh and smile about..very therapeutic.

E-Man :)

[brittany32888]

Hey Brittany!

I also perform much of the avoidance routines myself, as I try to run and hide from a parent. It is caused by my intense anxiety of many different issues.
My anxiety is so bad right now, that something as simple as a drama television program throws me into some kind of panic attack that forces me into the garage, the sunroom, anywhere else.
I am trying to overcome this problem, as it is going to get worse as the weather gets colder and my parent spends her time watching Court TV. I hate those programs!!
I know that I just need to "block them out" and only hear what I want to hear, but its difficult. This probably has little to do with what you're going through exactly, but it is avoidance of sort.
I believe that just trying to talk to my parent about this issue, will help me to resolve this issue, within my own fucked up train wreck of a mind. I won't try to change her, just help her understand.
She obviously knows that I am purposefully hiding, avoiding her, evading her, she just doesn't really know why but informing her of why, will actually help "me" to solve this for myself.
I do also agree that loving me is like loving a thorn in your ass as I too have had many problems in my relationship with my girlfriend too. She has been very patient with me..for 8 years.
Suggestion: Talk about your raw feelings with your partner. I do. And she brings me to a level of tolerability that I can accept in a very short time....
Just talk it through friend, be open, be honest, that's what Mr. Anxiety HATES!!! It weakens his power over you dramatically.
Wishing you a better day today friend!
Find something to laugh and smile about..very therapeutic.

E-Man :)

I have a hard time expressing my feelings because I am so touchy and I don't want to seem redundant. Sometimes it seems there's a list longer than myself of things he cannot do to trigger my anxiety, and that's gotta suck for him.
We're just opposite personalities, and it's difficult because sometimes his very being can set me off.
Like t.v. shows for instance. He is OBSESSED with apocalypse themed movies/series/documentaries. And I cannot stand them, they freak me out. I'm pretty solid on the world never being destroyed in a supernatural way, but regardless, not my idea of entertainment.
But there were no "end of the world" themed viewings in my house yesterday, so I guess that's something to be thankful for.


Today's another day.
I'll try to make it a better one. :)

[brittany32888]

A common theme among people with anxiety, is that they beat themselves up. Continually. Now...

A) Do you have low self esteem because you beat yourself up
B) do you beat yourself up because you have low self esteem.

Someone with high regard for themselves would not give one iota of a moments glance to anyone, period, no matter it were King James himself in your living room. Someone with high regard for self would see a doctor if it's the last penny on earth and the husband was whimpering in the corner how that was the money for his tv remote batteries. Someone with high self regard would always - in every instance - of every moment - in every aspect - of every experience - act in ways that build up the self, put the self first and forefront, that person needs no approval, no admiration, no critical eye, no others assumptions, no judgements, that person is not open to negative suggestions from people or family or husbands or wife's because negative suggestions or influences destroy esteem.

People with high regard for themselves have money always have money even if they are poor, because they trust their needs will be met, people with high regard for themselves don't base their needs, or trust, or esteem, or worth, or capabilities, or moods, or personality, or emotions around anyone else.

People with high regard always find the means to accomplish what they need to because the world bows before the person who knows what they want and who they are.

People with high regard for themselves know that in acting in ways best for the self, it will naturally be the best for all others in their families. How can one destroy themselves and that be best for their loved ones? So people with high regard do as they wish,Meehan they wish, how they wish, and to whomever they wish, and it's always the right thing to do.

People with high regard see doctors, see lawyers, see bankers, see people...when they wish to, and those people always help them accomplish what is best, because it is best, for everyone.

People with high esteem married to people with low esteem, well that doesn't happen because the spouse would constrict, restrict, supress and repress, hold back and stall the needs of the high esteem individual. In that case they would separate.

No one deserves to feel badly, to repress, to feel sad, to hide, to run, to cry, to live in sorrow, to grieve, to feel poor, to feel ill, to escape, no one deserves to wish they were someone else, to live in fear.

No one deserves a spouse who they fear will leave them, period. The people with high esteem don't feel long term guilt, blame, shame, self hate, powerless, worthless, unloved, unlovable, wrong, chastised, made fun of, criticized, looked down upon.

People with high esteem close themselves to the negative influences of others because they know, if man can control one thing it's his mind, and that's a terrible thing to waste.

Stop at once the blame and guilt for who you are, and stop at once looking at your spouses as martyrs for being with you, stop at once the self deprecation and shame for feeling your emotions. Stop at once belittling and beating yourselves up for what you can't do, and start praising what you can do. I behoove all of you to set yourselves right, before it's too late and you truly fall to pieces.

"Now you listen to me, I have anxiety, but I'm the best dam person your ever going to meet, so what if I can't do some things I used to, so what if you don't understand me, that's not my fault, go read up on it and let me know when your educated enough to understand not only what I am going thorough, but who I am. This is me, for now, and until I do my own work and change because I want to, you better get a hold of yourself and love me, stand behind me, and encourage me, because if not, I don't need you, and the highway is right out front. don't slam the door on your way out. If you choose to be with me, as your vows state, then you better magically come up with funds for my therapy, because I tell you, my therapy is more important than your big screen tv, or case of beer. I feel pretty dam good about myself, and know my troubles are temporary, so if you don't encourage me, when I'm through with this, you will be temporary"

"I have my own ability to make my own money, because I am valuable, and whatever I choose to offer is of value, so I don't care if I only have 10 minutes a day, and I have to work from a closet because of agoraphobia, I shall sit on the floor in my closet on my computer and sell on eBay or whatever feels right for me to do, and make my money for therapy or anything else I desire, I am my own storehouse of knowledge and vitality, everything I need is within me, no one else, I create my reality, I get what I expect, not what others expect. there are no exceptions.."

Lesson, class, dismissed. Do the homework.

This message was typed hot and heavy and extremely fast on an iPad. The message was coming fast, so excuse and grammar, mispellings, I can't be bothered reading and checking.

I don't usually respond to your posts, I read them, but don't respond.
And to be honest, it's because you don't seem very approachable. You're usually right, for the most part, and I appreciate your honesty.

Though I feel in some instances, you come across harsh. I'm delicate, I'm not going to lie. I do have low self esteem, as I think I have mentioned that before. I think for good reason also. Do I want to feel so poorly about myself? No. Do I intend living this way forever? Absolutely not.

It's like I have two parts of me: The anxious me, and the other part of me that is trying to fix the anxious me.

I feel like the part of me that is in charge of figuring things out, has come along way. I've found ways to do things that are necessary but uncomfortable, by strategically planning. I also have been more accepting of who I am, and accept that there are things that I cannot do, not yet. And the things I can do may have to be done differently, and that's ok.

Regardless of that, does this mean anxiety will not have an effect on my self esteem?

I've suffered with anxiety my whole life. Most of that time I was clueless as to what was even going on inside of me. But eventually I realized I was different. I'm barely at a point in my life where I feel I can even help myself.

I went along time, hiding my true self from everyone. I would make up excuses and find ways to distract from what was really taking place. That suppression only caused more confusion within myself. I didn't know who I really was. Sometimes I still don't know who I really am.

Because of this, I feel tremendous guilt. Firstly, for my fiance, because did he really know what he was getting himself into? I had anxiety when we met, yes, but did my life-long tendency to suppress these true feelings serve as quite an injustice to this man and our relationship?

In his eyes, I have changed. In my mind I am finally free. Free of this burden I have been carrying around for years, trying to make it go away before someone notices.

Is this fair to him? Should I have told him in the beginning what he was stepping into? Should I have given him the choice to love me or not? Knowing I am not always lovable?

The second form of guilt I carry is for my son. He's only four, but will he grow up feeling his mom is ill?
Did I give him a fair chance at living a happy and full life?
My mom has fibromyalgia, and as a child, I got so tired of her not feeling up to giving me what I thought I needed. It always felt like an excuse. She didn't look sick.
Will my child feel this way?
Will I be prepared if he does?

What shall I do with these choices I have made? What can I do? Make the best of everyday. And damn it that is one thing I do. So maybe I could empower myself by not pounding in my brain regularly that I've fucked up everyone's lives. Maybe I can't yet. Maybe I'm not ready to feel good about myself, that's why I've yet to find something good to feel about. Maybe my lack of self worth will benefit my future self or someone else. Then it will all be worth it.

I know what I need to do, some days it's easier, some not so much. But I'm ok with that. I realize that I have to change my ways of thinking before I can change anything outside of my body. Right now this is where I'm at, and that's the only place I can be. As long as tomorrow I'm still facing forward, I know I'll be ok.

I'm ok.

[twinsmake5]

I have a hard time expressing my feelings because I am so touchy and I don't want to seem redundant. Sometimes it seems there's a list longer than myself of things he cannot do to trigger my anxiety, and that's gotta suck for him.
We're just opposite personalities, and it's difficult because sometimes his very being can set me off.
Like t.v. shows for instance. He is OBSESSED with apocalypse themed movies/series/documentaries. And I cannot stand them, they freak me out. I'm pretty solid on the world never being destroyed in a supernatural way, but regardless, not my idea of entertainment.
But there were no "end of the world" themed viewings in my house yesterday, so I guess that's something to be thankful for.


Today's another day.
I'll try to make it a better one. :)

Ugh those types of shows throw me into a major panic attack! I mean that is one of my main triggers! I am glad I am not the only one.

[Im-Suffering]

I don't usually respond to your posts, I read them, but don't respond.
And to be honest, it's because you don't seem very approachable. You're usually right, for the most part, and I appreciate your honesty.

Though I feel in some instances, you come across harsh. I'm delicate, I'm not going to lie. I do have low self esteem, as I think I have mentioned that before. I think for good reason also. Do I want to feel so poorly about myself? No. Do I intend living this way forever? Absolutely not.

It's like I have two parts of me: The anxious me, and the other part of me that is trying to fix the anxious me.

I feel like the part of me that is in charge of figuring things out, has come along way. I've found ways to do things that are necessary but uncomfortable, by strategically planning. I also have been more accepting of who I am, and accept that there are things that I cannot do, not yet. And the things I can do may have to be done differently, and that's ok.

Regardless of that, does this mean anxiety will not have an effect on my self esteem?

I've suffered with anxiety my whole life. Most of that time I was clueless as to what was even going on inside of me. But eventually I realized I was different. I'm barely at a point in my life where I feel I can even help myself.

I went along time, hiding my true self from everyone. I would make up excuses and find ways to distract from what was really taking place. That suppression only caused more confusion within myself. I didn't know who I really was. Sometimes I still don't know who I really am.

Because of this, I feel tremendous guilt. Firstly, for my fiance, because did he really know what he was getting himself into? I had anxiety when we met, yes, but did my life-long tendency to suppress these true feelings serve as quite an injustice to this man and our relationship?

In his eyes, I have changed. In my mind I am finally free. Free of this burden I have been carrying around for years, trying to make it go away before someone notices.

Is this fair to him? Should I have told him in the beginning what he was stepping into? Should I have given him the choice to love me or not? Knowing I am not always lovable?

The second form of guilt I carry is for my son. He's only four, but will he grow up feeling his mom is ill?
Did I give him a fair chance at living a happy and full life?
My mom has fibromyalgia, and as a child, I got so tired of her not feeling up to giving me what I thought I needed. It always felt like an excuse. She didn't look sick.
Will my child feel this way?
Will I be prepared if he does?

What shall I do with these choices I have made? What can I do? Make the best of everyday. And damn it that is one thing I do. So maybe I could empower myself by not pounding in my brain regularly that I've fucked up everyone's lives. Maybe I can't yet. Maybe I'm not ready to feel good about myself, that's why I've yet to find something good to feel about. Maybe my lack of self worth will benefit my future self or someone else. Then it will all be worth it.

I know what I need to do, some days it's easier, some not so much. But I'm ok with that. I realize that I have to change my ways of thinking before I can change anything outside of my body. Right now this is where I'm at, and that's the only place I can be. As long as tomorrow I'm still facing forward, I know I'll be ok.

I'm ok.

I removed the post I made, because I did not want to overwhelm you, but you have it quoted so its back, talk about being in sync, we did it at the same time !

Just a couple of highlights, briefly, what psychologists term 'the holding environment' or the home life for a child, there are basically 2 components, the child's needs have to be met, psychologically, and the child also needs space to learn, grow. Now, you can understand who you are today, by the environment then. What did the child say to herself in painful situations? Understand, rather than blame mom, it is always healthier for the child to blame herself, in that sense she protects the parent. The child cannot reason, nor is the nervous system sufficiently developed to analyze the situation, but all negativity is directed toward the self. To a large extent, you shut down, and that you notice even today, many years later. It certainly was not your fault. It's all about love, you see. And you start to find yourself unlovable. Your current actions, now, understand, and your beliefs to a large extent are of that little girl, because she never had her say. So you have years of emotions pent up inside an adult body, now with her own relationships, and now a mom herself. But still with problematic issues that remain unresolved, emotionally, because that little girl is within you.

The little girl felt unloved, and now, the way to healing is to give her a voice, and love her. As you go back in your imagination, you listen to her stories, as you began to do in the post to me (about mom), validate her feelings, and at the points you find that she starts to speak badly about herself, you correct her, hug her, and show her the adults point of view, and how very special she was. It was not her fault you see, it was the conditioning, and the conditions..of the holding environment and the caregivers.

Lastly, for you don't need too much from me.....I am going to make a statement that you might find hard to comprehend, and that's ok, just know it's the truth and try to feel it, instead.

A child chooses its parents.

Straddling realities until the consummation takes place that it has been waiting for. Thus the child knows of the holding environment it will be coming into, along with the lessons and issues it needs to work out with its chosen framework. You create the body, into which his soul can then enter.

Knowing these conditions are set does not imply limitations or boundaries for the soul still has free will within that framework, you see.

And that's where you are today, what will you do, is up to you. What you overcome, what you face, what challenges you conquer, what joys you seek, what you take away is all up to you. And this you will do as a family, for you all agreed to come together.

Now, how can you not have compassion for such remarkable entities on such an amazing journey? And that's what my original post was about. Find yourself in the midst of your worries, be who you want to be in the face of them, and that personality will emerge victorious for her, the little girl inside, her son, and husband.

In all situations you ask yourself "what would love do now" and with that question, one would always act in the highest regard for self and others.

[Exactice]

Britt as brash and over bearing as Im-Suffering can be sometimes.... if you break his post down one by one... he does have some great stuff to add.....

Anyways, a quick snap shot and response.

I have been married for a year. I was engaged years before and broke off the wedding due to PTSD from Iraq. It was bad. One of the huge factors..... Communication. So my Fiance back then didnt understand and cared not to understand it. She saw it as something permanent rather than a sickness. At this point she took the, I didnt sign up for this, Im out....

Years later I married the women of my dreams. When I explained to here about my issues, she became interested. We then got married and literally a month later, I was in the hospital with a major panic attack. What did my wife do? Instead of fighting it, she opened her laptop and started to study about Panic and Anxiety and learned what she could about it, so she could understand where I was coming from.

When I had bad moments she knew it was a sickness and just like when your spouse has the flu, she took care of me just the same. Comforted me, calm me down etc. Ask your spouse to treat your panic and anxiety like when you have the flu. It goes away, but pops up whenever. The good part is, its quick not like a 3+ day flu. So all they need to do is be patient, comfort you, give you some nice hot soup and hug you to make you feel better =)

Seriously though, my wife wanted to learn and help me rather than say "I didnt sign up for this SH!T"....... that was sad and I am glad we parted ways.......

[brittany32888]

I guess my biggest issue with this relationship is knowing boundaries. Deep inside I know I need more. From him, from myself. I feel like anxiety is very demanding. It wants what it wants and it doesn't matter when where or how. Because of that again I feel guilt. Does he know it's my anxiety talking, or does he think it's just me? Spoiled, selfish, childish me?
Sometimes I just need him. I need him to just be, to sit beside me, hold my hand, and have an open spirit and heart, so that I may feel I can be and speak whatever it is I need to release without feeling any form of judgement.
He doesn't give me that. He doesn't understand it. He's never been needed this way before, he doesn't know how to be.
Is this too much to ask?
Does my overbearing nature come with the territory?
Or do I really need this from him in order to grow and to heal?
I just don't know.

[Im-Suffering]

I guess my biggest issue with this relationship is knowing boundaries. Deep inside I know I need more. From him, from myself. I feel like anxiety is very demanding. It wants what it wants and it doesn't matter when where or how. Because of that again I feel guilt. Does he know it's my anxiety talking, or does he think it's just me? Spoiled, selfish, childish me?
Sometimes I just need him. I need him to just be, to sit beside me, hold my hand, and have an open spirit and heart, so that I may feel I can be and speak whatever it is I need to release without feeling any form of judgement.
He doesn't give me that. He doesn't understand it. He's never been needed this way before, he doesn't know how to be.
Is this too much to ask?
Does my overbearing nature come with the territory?
Or do I really need this from him in order to grow and to heal?
I just don't know.

Keep a close eye on the self deprecation. And open, to feel. Learn how to feel yourself again. Anything that feels badly.....f.e.e.l.s - badly, is not best for you. Your feelings are your guide, that's what they are meant to do, feelings are trustworthy, you might feel one way while you speak words in another direction, all the while feeling badly and saying 'I'm just great'.. The feelings are true whereas the words are a lie.

You deserve to feel good, and I will put a period after that, because there are no exceptions, period. Get back in touch with your femininity, the strong woman, the natural, nurturing, powerful spirit.

Be ever watchful of self deprecating behavior, thoughts, words, as you will feel sick after you say them, the barometer is the feeling.

You do need him, validate that. To hold your hand, validate that, you need an open heart communication, validate that, you need warmth and love, validate that. You need a release without judgment, validate that..validate that, validate that, and feel, and express, and expect. And receive, and love, and live, and open. That is the antithesis of anxiety, period. Anxiety cannot live in that environment, because the self is fulfilled and feels good.

Ask and ye shall receive, continue to ask and ask and ask, and when your finished asking, ask some more, for the world is given to you if you ask for it. Validate, validate and validate your value as a creature expressing itself. I cannot say this stronger or more assertive to you.

[Exactice]

Beat me to it Suffering.

Britt, you "Feel" like you need him.... Treat your spouse as a bonus, not a need. You only need yourself first! then having him near you is just an added bonus. What I mean is, you are treating him like a drug. When ever you feel bad you need him around to make you feel better. That can Take its toll on him also what if he is not around you may get mad and say I needed you the most and you werent there.

So as Suffering and I are eluding to. First work on taking it on by yourself. Work on your Anxiety with out him. Challenge and use your tools/skills to handle the attacks by yourself as think of it this way, you have dealt with them all these years already. Nothing bad has "Actually" happened, you just felt crappy like most of us?

Now again I am not saying you dont need him.....He is great to have around, but dont become dependent on him and if he is not there its not his fault. He is there when he can be there!

Again start from the inside first and work your way out. You can do it! You are a strong capable women!

[sweetdaytx]

I guess my biggest issue with this relationship is knowing boundaries. Deep inside I know I need more. From him, from myself. I feel like anxiety is very demanding. It wants what it wants and it doesn't matter when where or how. Because of that again I feel guilt. Does he know it's my anxiety talking, or does he think it's just me? Spoiled, selfish, childish me?
Sometimes I just need him. I need him to just be, to sit beside me, hold my hand, and have an open spirit and heart, so that I may feel I can be and speak whatever it is I need to release without feeling any form of judgement.
He doesn't give me that. He doesn't understand it. He's never been needed this way before, he doesn't know how to be.
Is this too much to ask?
Does my overbearing nature come with the territory?
Or do I really need this from him in order to grow and to heal?
I just don't know.


I feel the same time exact way with my husband.we have been disconnected and fighting for days because of my anxiety. I truly believe that he wants to understand but he just doesn't. I feel embarrassed about my anxiety, so it's difficult for me to open up to him. I am worried that he will think I'm a poor example for our baby girl.. Or that I'm crazy. It's silly,really, because he has never been cruel to me but I still cannot open up to him enough over this.

Tonight I finally told him that I'm going to see a dr and I'm going to get a referral to see a therapist...I cannot go on like this. And I need him to understand. . . I'm hoping he will.

Anyway, I hope yall find some peace together!

[brittany32888]

I feel the same time exact way with my husband.we have been disconnected and fighting for days because of my anxiety. I truly believe that he wants to understand but he just doesn't. I feel embarrassed about my anxiety, so it's difficult for me to open up to him. I am worried that he will think I'm a poor example for our baby girl.. Or that I'm crazy. It's silly,really, because he has never been cruel to me but I still cannot open up to him enough over this.

Tonight I finally told him that I'm going to see a dr and I'm going to get a referral to see a therapist...I cannot go on like this. And I need him to understand. . . I'm hoping he will.

Anyway, I hope yall find some peace together!

Thanks, so do I.
It seems with anxiety there's a constant magnified mirror in front of you. You're always seeing yourself and your imperfections in such an extreme way, sometimes it's all you may see. And in all of that, you're convinced everyone else sees you that way also.
That's a huge thing for me. I'm constantly feeling upset because I think he's judging me. But most of the time, it's just me judging myself.
I'm also ashamed of my anxiety. It's been obvious yet unspoken in my home until not too long ago really.
I don't want to struggle with everyday life.
I also feel that he thinks I affect our child negatively. He's mentioned things like him feeding off of my anxiety.
I think, "great now you're going to throw me being a bad mom on top of it all."
It only adds to the guilt.
I would love to go to the Dr. at this point, I feel I'm ready to make some real changes and progress. I'm just hesitant. If I commit to it, and things don't pan out or he doesn't see "results," will he resent me for wasting time and money on something that didn't help?
I guess it's time for a talk.
We will see.
I'm happy for you however, for committing to something and reaching out for help. You are very brave. Please let me know how it goes.

[Enduronman]

we have been disconnected and fighting for days because of my anxiety. I feel embarrassed about my anxiety. I am worried that he will think I'm a poor example. I still cannot open up to him enough over this. (Tonight I finally told him that I'm going to see a dr and I'm going to get a referral to see a therapist)

Everything that you just mentioned is a big reason why anxiety has such a hold on you. Fighting with him, for reasons that he has no real knowledge of. Your attacks seem unprovoked to him. He may wondering if it has something to do with him? Questioning himself. Doubting himself and his own abilities as a husband AND a Father too. The battlefield is filled with mines and you know where they are, he doesn't. You laid them. Feeling embarrassed by your anxiety, feeds the very anxiety that you so wish to rid yourself of. Thinking that you will be Judged by him, and your inability to open up to him, also feeds this fire within. If you truly love this man, you'll do exactly the opposite of what you have stated to level this playing field or in your case, the battlefield. You're husband and wife, with child. A family unit, as one.

Your choice to go see a doctor and therapist is the best news that I've seen thus far today. You've made my morning a good morning already because you're going to take charge and do something about this. A powerful gesture and a valiant effort! You must get this under your own control and the doctor and therapist are great tools and resources to allow you to do so. You can't go on like this, and he will understand.

You will soon find peace together friend.

Wishing you all the best this day has to offer.

E-Man :)

[Enduronman]

I'm constantly feeling upset because I think he's judging me. I'm also ashamed of my anxiety. I don't want to struggle with everyday life. I also feel that he thinks I affect our child negatively. (He's mentioned things like him feeding off of my anxiety.) It only adds to the guilt. I would love to go to the Dr. at this point, I feel I'm ready to make some real changes and progress. (I'm just hesitant.) I guess it's time for a talk. I'm happy for you however, (for committing to something and reaching out for help. You are very brave.)

There are strong similarities between you and Sweetday. People can sense, feel, others that are anxious even a child no matter the age. Of course, adding to your feelings of guilt and shame when there's nothing to feel guilty or ashamed of. It is the act of hiding and concealing this anxiety, that feeds this anxiety hidden within. That's what it wants you to do, to keep its hold upon you.

You should go see the doctor without anymore hesitation or avoidance. Work on creating that doctor patient relationship and reaching out for the help that you need to survive in this world filled with turmoil. It's time to have "the talk" as well. You will be brave as defeating anxiety is a battle in itself. It's time to take matters into your own hands Brittany. We all know you can do this anyway.

I'm not hoping that you'll find that peace that you so wish for and seek, you will find it. You just have to walk out the door and look for it. It's there.

Also wishing you the best! There are better days ahead.

E-Man :)

[brittany32888]

There are strong similarities between you and Sweetday. People can sense, feel, others that are anxious even a child no matter the age. Of course, adding to your feelings of guilt and shame when there's nothing to feel guilty or ashamed of. It is the act of hiding and concealing this anxiety, that feeds this anxiety hidden within. That's what it wants you to do, to keep its hold upon you.

You should go see the doctor without anymore hesitation or avoidance. Work on creating that doctor patient relationship and reaching out for the help that you need to survive in this world filled with turmoil. It's time to have "the talk" as well. You will be brave as defeating anxiety is a battle in itself. It's time to take matters into your own hands Brittany. We all know you can do this anyway.

I'm not hoping that you'll find that peace that you so wish for and seek, you will find it. You just have to walk out the door and look for it. It's there.

Also wishing you the best! There are better days ahead.

E-Man :)

I went to reply to this earlier this morning, but my poor son got sick mid-reply. Thankfully, he's better now.

I appreciate your sincerity. I feel you really read and understood what I was saying. I know that everyone tries to help, and in their own way, but sometimes I feel the responses are generic.

Reading what you wrote actually brought tears to my eyes. It was much needed and I am grateful you took the time to speak into my life.

Thank-you :)

[Enduronman]

I went to reply to this earlier this morning, but my poor son got sick mid-reply. Thankfully, he's better now. I appreciate your sincerity. I feel you really read and understood what I was saying. I know that everyone tries to help, and in their own way, but sometimes I feel the responses are generic. Reading what you wrote actually brought tears to my eyes. It was much needed and I am grateful you took the time to speak into my life. Thank-you :)

I do hope that your Son is feeling better today and also hope that You are feeling better as well.
I can fully empathize with what you were saying, I understand quite well.
This is one case in which tears are a good sign, your emotions were challenged, touched.
I have faith in you, believe in you, to act upon those suggestions, ideas, and thoughts as tough as they may be.
You're going to defeat this condition/disorder and reorganize your views of things within your mind.
It's time to clean house, clarify, define, and make the world as you see it, fit you.
Wishing you a blessed day Brittany!

E-Man :) :)

[Im-Suffering]

We will see.


Firstly, do not be afraid of me. I am you, speaking from your conscience, in words you have long forgotten, but as you hear them, you will remember who you are, as they resonate and empower you to feel again. Feel good.

The quote above is the only part of your message worth noting. So you, take note. Because of the shame and guilt, which is not natural, but distorted, you have rend e red yourself powerless. You are powerless because you feel less of a person, a whole complete person, and more of the pieces of what once was. You project these feelings onto the world at large and thus what you get back is what you believe, faithfully representing your thoughts. Don't expect to see anything materialized besides what you expect. Your thoughts are lethargic, even where your integrity is concerned. You cannot make a decision even if the outcome would benefit you, your child, and husband.

Your fear of criticism, disables your ability to make decisions, for if you are so despondent, and ashamed, then you suppose others should make them for you. Guilt destroys the self and confidence, resulting in quiet speech, lazy mind, tiredness, insecurity, self doubt, self hate, low self esteem, and strips any power and worth from your ability to act and make constructive decisions.

"We will see" is your answer, when it should be "you are dam right, I'm getting on the phone right now to make my appointment, and my husband can stiff it for now, this is all about me. I will heal, I will take steps to advance forward in my journey, for it is my own and no one else's. I will not be critiqued, put down, chastised, made to feel powerless, discounted, stepped on, trampled, set aside, stripped of dignity, or told what I am or what I should do, by anyone.....anyone.""thus I have made my decision and I will stick to it even as my whole body shakes and wobbles, even as my mind tells me I'm no good and nothing works out, even as my husband points to my faults, and how I'm potentially hurting my child, even as the world collapses around me in a black hole. I will make my appointments, I will honor them, I will go to them, I will work through them, I will make a plan and stick to it, and I will listen to no criticism"

You must know, your self talk and your words in your posts are misguided and self lies from conditioning, they are not the truth, period. And they feel badly not only to you when you say them, but to everyone reading them. If you have control of but one thing in your life, it is your mind, to use constructively.

Indecision is the weed that spreads self doubt leading to worry and fear, you must d.e.c.i.d.e........do you understand...a decision tells the psyche you are moving forward and is highly symbolic of your intent.

You simply have problems that you must learn to solve not only correctly, but constructively. And in your highest regard for self.

A flower, even among a rainstorm and drooping does not question it's Grace, integrity, vitality, beauty, nor does it lament and cry out that the sun will never shine on it again. It is simply being a flower, and it loves itself, being itself, you could take lessons from nature.

There is a natural cellular integrity within all creation, as it looks upon itself with wonder and joy. Guilt, shame are distortions, offshoots of conditioning, human only, as the self sees itself as less than it can be. But rather than strive to become more, it often builds around itself a framework of despair which one then cannot see beyond its boundaries to the freedom just steps ahead.

End, period, that is all.

This information was channeled for you I have not edited for grammar spelling, etc. And it was typed quickly. I may go back and check we will see.

Edit - I have gone back and corrected some.

[brittany32888]

Firstly, do not be afraid of me. I am you, speaking from your conscience, in words you have long forgotten, but as you hear them, you will remember who you are, as they resonate and empower you to feel again. Feel good.

The quote above is the only part of your message worth noting. So you, take note. Because of the shame and guilt, which is not natural, but distorted, you have rend e red yourself powerless. You are powerless because you feel less of a person, a whole complete person, and more of the pieces of what once was. You project these feelings onto the world at large and thus what you get back is what you believe, faithfully representing your thoughts. Don't expect to see anything materialized besides what you expect. Your thoughts are lethargic, even where your integrity is concerned. You cannot make a decision even if the outcome would benefit you, your child, and husband.

Your fear of criticism, disables your ability to make decisions, for if you are so despondent, and ashamed, then you suppose others should make them for you. Guilt destroys the self and confidence, resulting in quiet speech, lazy mind, tiredness, insecurity, self doubt, self hate, low self esteem, and strips any power and worth from your ability to act and make constructive decisions.

"We will see" is your answer, when it should be "you are dam right, I'm getting on the phone right now to make my appointment, and my husband can stiff it for now, this is all about me. I will heal, I will take steps to advance forward in my journey, for it is my own and no one else's. I will not be critiqued, put down, chastised, made to feel powerless, discounted, stepped on, trampled, set aside, stripped of dignity, or told what I am or what I should do, by anyone.....anyone.""thus I have made my decision and I will stick to it even as my whole body shakes and wobbles, even as my mind tells me I'm no good and nothing works out, even as my husband points to my faults, and how I'm potentially hurting my child, even as the world collapses around me in a black hole. I will make my appointments, I will honor them, I will go to them, I will work through them, I will make a plan and stick to it, and I will listen to no criticism"

You must know, your self talk and your words in your posts are misguided and self lies from conditioning, they are not the truth, period. And they feel badly not only to you when you say them, but to everyone reading them. If you have control of but one thing in your life, it is your mind, to use constructively.

I give you no generic words, I give you what you must do. Indecision is the weed that spreads self doubt leading to worry and fear, you must d.e.c.i.d.e........do you understand...a decision tells the psyche you are moving forward and is highly symbolic of your intent.

You simply have problems that you must learn to solve not only correctly, but constructively. And in your highest regard for self.

A flower, even among a rainstorm and drooping does not question it's Grace, integrity, vitality, beauty, nor does it lament and cry out that the sun will never shine on it again. It is simply being a flower, and it loves itself, being itself, you could take lessons from nature.

There is a natural cellular integrity within all creation, as it looks upon itself with wonder and joy. Guilt, shame are distortions, offshoots of conditioning, human only, as the self sees itself as less than it can be. But rather than strive to become more, it often builds around itself a framework of despair which one then cannot see beyond its boundaries to the freedom just steps ahead.

End, period, that is all.

This information was channeled for you I have not edited for grammar spelling, etc. And it was typed quickly. I may go back and check we will see.

Edit - I have gone back and corrected some.

I wasn't in any way, shape, or form referring to you, or anyone specifically when I said some responses are generic. Sometimes I just feel some things people say come from a place of sincerity, and some not so much. Maybe I should have explained that better...

[Im-Suffering]

I wasn't in any way, shape, or form referring to you, or anyone specifically when I said some responses are generic. Sometimes I just feel some things people say come from a place of sincerity, and some not so much. Maybe I should have explained that better...

That post was channeled and took well over an hour's time to get out. For you. I suggest you re-read it. Out of 1000 words I removed the 3 that mentioned 'generic'. So now you won't be distracted.

Instead of asking constructive questions, "what do you mean", "can I really?", "is this why?", "I do tend to...", "but what can I do?", "how do I begin to...?", more of the insecurities are expressed. Because your sense of self is so weakened, you sway easily with the opinions of others. In a basic sense, they define you. Whether verbal (spoken from others) or just a feeling (feeling others unspoken). Your feelings come from your beliefs, so if you react to your gut, you will be projecting what you believe to be guilt, shame, or whatever your thoughts are suggesting - it would be good for you to realize, that feelings or emotions are generated from thoughts and their beliefs behind them. So to some extent when you begin to change your beliefs you will find your emotions will follow. If you have conflicting emotions to new beliefs, then there are still old remnants to release. A genuine new belief that has taken hold will immediately and dramatically change the physical appearance of your experience.

Emotions follow beliefs and thought. Emotions do not dictate how you think. You think first, and then feel. This statement alone can change someone's life, once understood.

You, like so many here are transfixed in the illusion, and thus we have repeat offenders, over and over, year upon year, because they will not do an about face. When I say repeat offenders, I must clarify. Those that return year after year, with new symptoms or issues. You will begin your true journey only when you are sick and tired of the old one leading you to a decision you would not break, at any cost.

Now this message is for all readers here, and a good lesson. Your lives are worth more than a "we will see".

[sweetdaytx]

Thanks for the feedback. You're definitely correct in some respects. I am not as open as I could be with my husband. I usually have a difficult time expressing my feelings until I'm already at my limit and I just breakdown which I'm sure doesn't appear too stable to him. Much like Britt mentioned, I feel that it comes across as redundant. He is supporting my decision to seek out a counselor, which is wonderful of him so I'm going to work on better expressing myself to him when I'm down or struggling.

Thanks for the insight and kind words!

[sweetdaytx]

Thanks, so do I.
It seems with anxiety there's a constant magnified mirror in front of you. You're always seeing yourself and your imperfections in such an extreme way, sometimes it's all you may see. And in all of that, you're convinced everyone else sees you that way also.
That's a huge thing for me. I'm constantly feeling upset because I think he's judging me. But most of the time, it's just me judging myself.
I'm also ashamed of my anxiety. It's been obvious yet unspoken in my home until not too long ago really.
I don't want to struggle with everyday life.
I also feel that he thinks I affect our child negatively. He's mentioned things like him feeding off of my anxiety.
I think, "great now you're going to throw me being a bad mom on top of it all."
It only adds to the guilt.
I would love to go to the Dr. at this point, I feel I'm ready to make some real changes and progress. I'm just hesitant. If I commit to it, and things don't pan out or he doesn't see "results," will he resent me for wasting time and money on something that didn't help?
I guess it's time for a talk.
We will see.
I'm happy for you however, for committing to something and reaching out for help. You are very brave. Please let me know how it goes.

I read a description of symptoms of Generalized Anxiety one time, and GUILT was one of the terms that was used. I remembered that it struck me because i do struggle with feelings of guilt on a regular basis. The worst thing would be to feel guilty about not being a good enough mother to our daughter. I think that's the reason I couldn't bring myself to see a doctor. Part guilt, for needing any therapy or medication in the first place, and part embarrassment. I'm no stranger to self esteem issues and the stigma of antidepressants or anxiety just added to it a little bit.

I can say, that just talking to my doctor for that short visit helped to give me [some] peace of mind. Having a medical professional reassure me that anxiety is a physiological problem and that I should not feel guilty, helped a great deal. She started me on Zoloft, because its considered safe for nursing mothers...so we will see if it helps me with some of these depressing and worrysome thoughts.

I will let you know when I start therapy. I'm really nervous about that. Best of luck to you...I hope you get some peace of mind soon!

[brittany32888]

I read a description of symptoms of Generalized Anxiety one time, and GUILT was one of the terms that was used. I remembered that it struck me because i do struggle with feelings of guilt on a regular basis. The worst thing would be to feel guilty about not being a good enough mother to our daughter. I think that's the reason I couldn't bring myself to see a doctor. Part guilt, for needing any therapy or medication in the first place, and part embarrassment. I'm no stranger to self esteem issues and the stigma of antidepressants or anxiety just added to it a little bit.

I can say, that just talking to my doctor for that short visit helped to give me [some] peace of mind. Having a medical professional reassure me that anxiety is a physiological problem and that I should not feel guilty, helped a great deal. She started me on Zoloft, because its considered safe for nursing mothers...so we will see if it helps me with some of these depressing and worrysome thoughts.

I will let you know when I start therapy. I'm really nervous about that. Best of luck to you...I hope you get some peace of mind soon!

Thanks for the update.
It makes me feel better about seeing a dr.
I've had trouble finding a therapist. (small town) but there is a new gp in town that I'd like to see, so I'll probably start there.

I went to therapy a lot when I was younger, so that doesn't make me nervous. It's like the one place you are encouraged to be your crazy self. I bet you'll be fine, you may even enjoy it. :)