It feels like I'm going insane

[Charles Price]

Finding it difficult to cope with anxiety and depression. I can't stop worrying about my health, it feels like I look at the world in a different perspective.
my vision is weird sometimes like a trial of light following everything when it moves. I don't feel normal and everything brings me down I feel different from everyone else.
does this sound like general anixety disorder? especially the vision. I keep have panic attacks randomly and worrying about my heart although I have had several EKG's sometimes I'm afraid to sleep as I fear I wont wake up. I'm 20 years old and I lost both parents at 15 and my nan who I now live with has parkinsons diseases. I have abused MDMA in the past. I fear that I have messed with my brain chemistry, and all the trauma that has happened will make me end up in a looney bin. It feels like everything is moving too fast around me. I don't know what to do...no one seems to understand me. I worry about stupid things like ageing and i'm only 20. Even the darkness and when it rains makes me feel depressed. Sometimes I'm not sure if life is a blessing or a curse. How can I feel normal again? what's the best route to take? I don't want to take any medication. I need someone to talk to. I just want to be happy
and not life my life in fear.

[Enduronman]

I know the feeling! Insanity is mere moments away...then it's Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory for me!...
Go see a Psych friend..asap.

E-Man :)

[Kuma]

I agree with E-man. Find a psychiatrist or psychologist you can talk to. If you don't know where to find one, or need a recommendation, call your regular doctor and ask for a recommendation. This may seem a little awkward, but they get these questions all the time. Then call the psychiatrist or psychologist and ask for an appointment. When you get an appointment, tell him/her how you are feeling. They will take it from there..... It might not feel that way now, but you can feel better and "get back to normal." Life does not have to feel like a "curse" -- it can be a blessing. Just sometimes in takes some help from a professional to get there. You can do it....

[1Bluerose68]

Hello, I read your post or thread? And, I am sorry to hear about yoy losing your parents at such an early age in life? I also hear that you have a lot of time on your hands to ponder many things which cause you much anxiety. When I was your age I busied myself with a p/t job and the school news paper, and junior college. Then transferred later, after I had a chance to figure out what I felt capable of doing with my adult life. It took me 3 years of junior college to accomplish this task. However, in keeping busy , there were many childhood memories which I could not even recall. The drug rehab from MDMA was good of you, MDMA is a drug right? And the eye problem , gee I use restasis for chronic dry eyes and OTC of a "Cooling" type of eye drop and it really does help my eyes. I wish you the best of luck. I hope that you may be able very soon to,"Look outside of the box." Therefore you will go far in life young man. May God be with you in your journey in life. I will pray for you every time I think of you. Amen.

Oh so sorry, I forgot to recommend that you visit a clinic or in college they have the counseling center. They may help you immediately. There are also many crisis lines that even a cell phone will get you through to. Dont give up hope. We are all a bit on the crazy side. Some people just pretend they are perfect and one day they drop to their knees or something else, and all hell breaks loose. I hope this wont be your case. So yes please do see someone who you may talk to besides this written form of Venting with fellow human beings. I prefer to be humanistic and NOT just provide referrals. But, they are very helpful.

1Bluerose68

[Dragons]

I'm sorry about your parents, and that you're dealing with such bad anxiety and depression. I also have bad health anxiety; I worry about every small pain I experience. I also have some vision-related things that I think are related to anxiety––it's hard to explain, but kind of like a haziness at the edges of my vision that sometimes bothers me (but I also just have poor vision to begin with). I agree with what others have said that maybe you should talk to a psychologist, and hopefully that will help. (I'm a hypocrite because I haven't been to a psychologist in years, but I'm trying to work up the courage to go again.) Hope you're doing alright!

[Exactice]

Agreed with the Above, start with a therapist. You need to get it out some how. The next is definitely coming here and talking with those that understand you. You had it rough and it has affected you no doubt. But rest assured there are those here that understand and may have gone through some tough times and could share their experiences with you!


Hang in there, help is there, one step at a time, one day at a time!

[Joee]

I know exactly how you feel, I have vision disturbances because of my anxiety and I have been a mess for the past 6 months with anxiety and depersonalization. And I also obsess with aging and dieing, especially when I see people around me that I remember being young suddenly showing age. I think its pretty normal thoughts for the highly anxious mind. Hang in there and things will slowly get better. But yeah a psychologist would definitely help you out, also some meds may make your recovery faster.