Fear at night

[ShihTzu]

Okay, here's the first "real" post I've ever made, and the agonizing situation that has spawned me even seeking help in the first place...

We can't sleep. My girlfriend and I. It's been like this for quite some time now, but we haven't been able to get a full night's sleep since we moved out from our parent's place about 3 1/2 years ago! Every little creak, rustle, crack, click, scratch, bump...you name it. I keep a crowbar next to my bed, my girlfriend keeps a baseball bat, and at any sound we're up and walking through the house with our weapons drawn high looking for the cause. We installed a pricey security system but that's done little to help. We live in a safe neighborhood, and we both know this. During the day, it's peachy! We're not afraid at all when we're at home! But as soon as the sun sets...heck, we dread night. We're just so exhausted.

Now this is good for a good chuckle, but on my end of the spectrum, I've done some things to help me sleep: I've sworn off of scary movies, reading scary books and online accounts, viewing scary images, or listening to scary sounds. For me, this is a huge dent in my life. My favorite thing in the world was (and still is) scary movies. Among my family members, I am (or was) the scary movie authority: I am that girl who just knew if any horror film was worth watching. Most circle of friends has that person. I swore off of one of my very favorite passtimes in the hope it'd magically alleviate my fear at dark: nothing. nada. zip. It's done nothing. I'm still just as scared at night and it's been close to a year now. The only thing that's changed is that I don't get to enjoy something I really enjoyed in the past. I believe in the paranormal...to an extent. I do and I don't? I don't know how to explain that, but I feel as if it might be important in some way.

On my girlfriend's end of the spectrum, she's never been a horror movie buff. She hates them. She's never been subjected to them in fact - the gore is what gets her. She doesn't want to know the hollywood portrayal of scary things because then she'll be able to imagine it herself: as a kid, this stuff spawned nightmares easily for her. She doesn't believe in the paranormal, but again...she does in a way. Her fears manifest themselves in the form of real life boogymen: the serial killers, rapists, kidnappers, ect.

On a last note, the two of us have taken this fear and researched, researched, researched. We know who is the likely candidate for murder, and we avoid being a target at all costs. It's changed our lives, I think. We don't talk to people and we don't create lasting relationships with people (did you know most murders occur between people who know each other? What better way to avoid that other than to not know anyone, right?). We don't go anywhere after dark. We don't do school functions (that may be social anxiety, I may talk about that some day). We basically take every murder or kidnapping case we've ever heard of and do the opposite. We're kind of hermits, I guess.

Okay, so I guess I should wrap this up or else I'll end up writing a novel again...basically, we can't sleep. The only form of comfort we get these days is the fact that we can stay up together and talk until we're exhausted to the point of nausea and we have to lay down together or else we'll physically be ill. It gets us to sleep, at least. Neither of us know what we're really afraid of: the general list is just...fear for our lives. We literally fear as if we're going to die every night and I don't even know how to bounce back from that or explain it to someone without sounding stupid. We both know there's nothing to be afraid of, but knowing this logically has done nothing to help us. We're just so afraid, and knowing that there's no reason for it just compounds our misery because how stupid does that sound, right? Why can't we just realize there's nothing to be afraid of and turn over for a snooze? Why do we get afraid even when we know there's nothing to hurt us?

Has anyone else ever felt this way, how do you cope with it?

[Im-Suffering]

Okay, here's the first "real" post I've ever made, and the agonizing situation that has spawned me even seeking help in the first place...

We can't sleep. My girlfriend and I. It's been like this for quite some time now, but we haven't been able to get a full night's sleep since we moved out from our parent's place about 3 1/2 years ago! Every little creak, rustle, crack, click, scratch, bump...you name it. I keep a crowbar next to my bed, my girlfriend keeps a baseball bat, and at any sound we're up and walking through the house with our weapons drawn high looking for the cause. We installed a pricey security system but that's done little to help. We live in a safe neighborhood, and we both know this. During the day, it's peachy! We're not afraid at all when we're at home! But as soon as the sun sets...heck, we dread night. We're just so exhausted.

Now this is good for a good chuckle, but on my end of the spectrum, I've done some things to help me sleep: I've sworn off of scary movies, reading scary books and online accounts, viewing scary images, or listening to scary sounds. For me, this is a huge dent in my life. My favorite thing in the world was (and still is) scary movies. Among my family members, I am (or was) the scary movie authority: I am that girl who just knew if any horror film was worth watching. Most circle of friends has that person. I swore off of one of my very favorite passtimes in the hope it'd magically alleviate my fear at dark: nothing. nada. zip. It's done nothing. I'm still just as scared at night and it's been close to a year now. The only thing that's changed is that I don't get to enjoy something I really enjoyed in the past. I believe in the paranormal...to an extent. I do and I don't? I don't know how to explain that, but I feel as if it might be important in some way.

On my girlfriend's end of the spectrum, she's never been a horror movie buff. She hates them. She's never been subjected to them in fact - the gore is what gets her. She doesn't want to know the hollywood portrayal of scary things because then she'll be able to imagine it herself: as a kid, this stuff spawned nightmares easily for her. She doesn't believe in the paranormal, but again...she does in a way. Her fears manifest themselves in the form of real life boogymen: the serial killers, rapists, kidnappers, ect.

On a last note, the two of us have taken this fear and researched, researched, researched. We know who is the likely candidate for murder, and we avoid being a target at all costs. It's changed our lives, I think. We don't talk to people and we don't create lasting relationships with people (did you know most murders occur between people who know each other? What better way to avoid that other than to not know anyone, right?). We don't go anywhere after dark. We don't do school functions (that may be social anxiety, I may talk about that some day). We basically take every murder or kidnapping case we've ever heard of and do the opposite. We're kind of hermits, I guess.

Okay, so I guess I should wrap this up or else I'll end up writing a novel again...basically, we can't sleep. The only form of comfort we get these days is the fact that we can stay up together and talk until we're exhausted to the point of nausea and we have to lay down together or else we'll physically be ill. It gets us to sleep, at least. Neither of us know what we're really afraid of: the general list is just...fear for our lives. We literally fear as if we're going to die every night and I don't even know how to bounce back from that or explain it to someone without sounding stupid. We both know there's nothing to be afraid of, but knowing this logically has done nothing to help us. We're just so afraid, and knowing that there's no reason for it just compounds our misery because how stupid does that sound, right? Why can't we just realize there's nothing to be afraid of and turn over for a snooze? Why do we get afraid even when we know there's nothing to hurt us?

Has anyone else ever felt this way, how do you cope with it?

I will paste here what I posted in a similar situation. It is apropo. It is not the 'normal' advice you would expect, but then your expectations are distorted, and colored by your views, so thus far you were unable to find assistance from any peer.

As a side note before we begin, your name on this forum is highly symbolic of how vulnerable you see yourself, both individual and as a team. For even your attempts at a psychological guard dog would leave you unprotected, you see. Rather than imagining a large ferocious beast that would not permit harm and keep you secure, your choice presupposes doubt. And doubt is the fount from which your fear springs.

You may have to read this many times. Print it and both of you read it together. If you wish to know who I am read some of my other posts. With that said, your thoughts combined are rather dire, so let's get right to it:

You cannot escape your own attitudes, for they will form the nature of what you see. Quite literally you see what you want to see; and you see your own thoughts and emotional attitudes materialized in physical form. If changes are to occur, they must be mental and psychic changes. These will be reflected in your environment. Negative, distrustful, fearful, or degrading attitudes toward anyone work against the self.

Telepathy operates constantly. If you continually expect an individual to behave in a particular manner, then you are constantly sending him telepathic suggestions that he will do so. Each individual reacts to suggestion. According to the specific conditions existing at the time, such an individual will to some extent or another act according to the mass suggestions he receives.

These mass suggestions include not only those given to him by others, both verbally and telepathically, but also those he has given to himself, both in the waking and dream states. If an individual is in a state of despondency, this is because he has already become prey to negative suggestions of his own and others

What you see in others is the materialization-the projection of what you think you are-not necessarily, however, of what you are. For example, if others seem deceitful to you, it is because you deceive yourself, and then project this outward upon others.

...If an individual sees only evil and desolation in the physical world, it is because he is obsessed with evil and desolation and projects them outward, and closes his eyes to all else. If you want to know what you think of yourself, then ask yourself what you think of others, and you will find your answer.

...and all of this without his realizing his basic concept of himself, and without recognizing that he projects his feared weaknesses outward unto others

People react to negative suggestions only when their own frame of mind is negative. Then we close ourselves off from the constructive energies we need

[ShihTzu]

It's interesting that you'd bring up telepathy, either from my welcome post or this post you've picked up that my partner and I are synced mentally. For fun we write novels together in which she plays a role and I play a role, and together we write the sagas: so we spend a majority of each day synced and thinking about the same thing. We were 3 when we met, so each developmental milestone a toddler faces all the way up through adulthood were faced together. When we look at a new situation, no matter what it may be, we always come to the same conclusion at the same time. Saying that she could "finish my sentences" in the traditional form of knowing one another pales in comparison to what really goes on with us! I'm glad that someone understands. Are you saying that my power of suggestion is making her afraid? I don't want to do that!

Now, I'm not going to pretend that I'm nearly as knowledgeable as you about anxiety or projecting my own fears out onto the world: it's clear that you've spent a very long time getting to know this concept. It's not an exaggeration to say I had to read your post 7 times before I felt competent enough to write a reply. But, the gist if what you say means that it is our own insecurities is what is causing the fear?

I'm having a hard time understanding the concept of seeing in others as I am myself. I see others around me as intimidating and able to cause harm to me, does that mean this is how I portray myself?

Thank you for your thoughtful post, I am sorry that I am having a hard time wrapping my head around it. I've never sought help for this before and you're the first person to ever respond to my posts, so I'm not sure how to be receptive properly.

[Im-Suffering]

. Are you saying that my power of suggestion is making her afraid? I don't want to do that!

But, the gist if what you say means that it is our own insecurities is what is causing the fear?

I'm having a hard time understanding the concept of seeing in others as I am myself. I see others around me as intimidating and able to cause harm to me, does that mean this is how I portray myself?

Thank you for your thoughtful post, I am sorry that I am having a hard time wrapping my head around it. I've never sought help for this before and you're the first person to ever respond to my posts, so I'm not sure how to be receptive properly.

Replacing the word insecurities with conditioning, none of this is your fault. Insecure would presume some inner deficiency to cope whereas conditioning would describe a learned behavior. One triggers guilt the other compassion, you see.

1) Your own conditioning is creating your reality. Together you are co-creating.

2) Why do you see others harming you. That is the question. The answer is consciously available, the belief that you share, ask yourself questions, and do the exercise together, "why would someone harm me?" "Is it because I see myself as vulnerable, or powerless, was there a time in life I was actually powerless? As a child maybe, was I conditioned to mistrust, or was there some abuse, neglect, or distance" "what do I believe about people, or men especially?"

If you mistrust people, then you believe yourself to be un-trustworthy and you project that out onto others. As they act out your projections, this confirms your beliefs. You only need to project that the world is good and goodness will reflect back at you. As a matter of fact you are both good, the baseball bat and weapons are part of the drama, a children's game you play, for your inner beliefs you will find are generally sound And good natured.

Now you've been at the drama re-enactment for so long it has taken a grip on you, the more you practice the better the performance so to speak. it is as if you are both on a big stage in Hollywood and you are playing the parts in a movie, a thriller, for even at times it seems unreal to you. You enjoy writing with her because this creativity is a gift in both of you, each night you act out your own novel. So in a sense it is a game, a very real one where you could stub your toe. Because within the game even while playing it you are aware at some level how silly it is, but at the same time exciting, to feel on the edge, to feel your own power, vitality. In one sense your power is stripped from you as you run from the fear, or the projected assailant, and so your psyche compensates by the power over the situation, the weapons, the energy you feel in preparation, the alertness. A thunderstorm is at the same time violent and energizing as you feel at one or connected with your true nature, able to feel the intense power within, your own vitality.

Either way, if something doesn't feel good, it's attached to negative emotions, the emotion needs to be released or reattached to a belief that feels good. You are meant to feel good, that is the ultimate purpose, the recognition that one deserves a good life, and good feelings.

Read these posts a few times together, feel them let them touch you. Do not forget you are co creating your reality and your thoughts aware or not are projected out into space, and so you see what you want to see. In your case it's more of a thrill ride, however you will want to find peace, and you certainly don't want to be confronted with your projections which thus far you have avoided. It's been more of a game. But the more you play the better you get until you attract that person to use the bat on. The law of attraction comes into play here.

So work it out.