should i reach out for help?

[Sarah116]

Hi everyone. I'm Sarah (17) and I've decided to get help for the first time in my life. But I'm really scared, and it would help if I could get some support?

I've been having problems with anxiety for about three months now and last night I realized that I seriously need help. The anxiety has led to really negative thoughts and I've never felt so alone in my life. I feel like I'm losing myself and just thinking about this makes me feel like crying.

Just to let you know, I've never been diagnosed with any kind of mental disorders. I've never been to a doctor for those reasons even though there have been many times that I probably should have. I'm pretty sure I have generalized anxiety disorder, or I'm at least developing it. Maybe a mix of anxiety and depression? I'm not sure but all I know is that I'm suffering and I just really need to get help.

I've already posted my "story" here once but I'll tell it again.

Long story short, my problems with anxiety started when I had gotten sick back in July. Like someone had told me in my first post, I got myself worked up into a health anxiety by searching my symptoms on the internet. Eventually I got better after going to the hospital and went back to normal but ever since then, I've had anxiety about almost everything. I get worried over the smallest things and my thoughts are almost uncontrollable. Sometimes I can calm myself down but other times I get so stressed and just feel like crying until I go numb. It just really sucks, you know? If you had seen me a year ago, you would've seen a generally happy girl but now... I feel like I don't know who I am anymore... It hurts.

And I think I had an actual panic attack the other night. I've made a post about what I thought were panic attacks which some people here said they were probably just blood sugar problems, and I think they were too, but this time it was something I've never experienced before.

We went to see a movie at the theaters and I love seeing movies. I was perfectly fine when the movie began. But when the movie was almost over, I started getting really anxious and scared of the ending, because I had no idea how it would end. All of a sudden I was worried that something scary would happen and even that us and everyone in the theater would die, like the people who run the theater had something prepared for the movie watchers. That's really ridiculous, right? But the fear felt so real and I started feeling nauseous and then I got worried I would have to rush to the bathroom. It was all just too much and I closed my eyes, wishing I could fall asleep.

I ended up watching the movie to the end and it wasn't anything scary. Nothing bad happened and for a normal person, they would've said the movie was really cool or freaky or mind blowing but I just felt terrible. I still felt nauseous and when we got out of our seats, I realized I was shaky and my legs felt weak. Somehow I was able to smile at my sister and act like I was fine. On the way home all I could think about is wanting to just go to bed and sleep it away. The anxiety wouldn't go away so that night, I tossed and turned.

As I already said, last night I realized I need help. I was in this state where it felt like everything isn't real, like everything and everyone else is just some kind of fake projection and I'm all alone. Like I'm the only human being with feelings that's stuck in this world. Does that make sense? It's hard to explain but those thoughts scare me so bad because I never want to be alone. I'm scared of losing my dad and sister because they're all I have left, besides the rest of my family. I'm just so scared of being alone and the longer I live with this anxiety the more lonely I feel. It feels like my life is being taken away from me. It hurts so much.

And what also scares me just as much is suicide. What if my anxiety and all these feelings get so bad that I end up wanting to kill myself? What if I do commit suicide but like everyone says, I'll go to hell and won't find relief? And if I don't commit suicide, what if I end up living a life where there's only pain?

And I'm scared to reach out for help because I've heard stories of people still being unhappy when they get help. What if I end up like that? What if no types of treatment work? What if everything just gets worse? Of course, assuming if I do get diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, but I'm 100% sure I have one.

At one point, I thought that I could conquer this anxiety on my own. I told myself I would, but I'm an idiot for thinking that right? My strength is diminishing the longer I try to keep up. Someone on my first post told me that this sounds like an anxiety disorder and they told me to get help before it turns into something I can't handle. And now I really think I should.

Should I go get help? If so, is there any professionals you recommend? Should it be a psychiatrist or psychologist?

[Kuma]

Hi Sarah. Yes, you should certainly seek out some help. Millions of people (including me) have done so, and found it very useful. Don't worry about the possibility that it "won't work." If you are committed to it, and sincerely want to feel better, it WILL work.

Whether you start with a psychologist or a psychiatrist may not be all that important. The advantage of a psychiatrist is that he (or she) is a medical doctor and so has the ability to prescribe medication, if that is needed. But if you see a psychologist instead, and the psychologist thinks some medication might be useful, the psychologist can refer you to a psychiatrist for the purpose of prescribing medication. If you don't know where to find a good psychologist or psychiatrist, you could ask your regular doctor for a recommendation. When I say "regular doctor" I mean whatever doctor you usually see for routine medical matters. They can usually recommend someone. I realize asking for the recommendation may seem slightly awkward to you -- but I assure you it will not seem at all odd to the doctor; they get these requests all the time and they tend to respect people who ask for help rather than just suffering or pretending there is no problem. Another possible place to get a recommendation would be from your guidance counselor at school, if you are in school.

You say you may have generalized anxiety disorder, or depression, etc. I would not worry too much about what your "diagnosis" will be. It is really not all that important. Instead, I would just tell the therapist (psychologist, counselor, psychiatrist, etc.) what you are feeling. Be really honest about it. There is nothing you are feeling or thinking or worrying about that they have not heard 100 times before. The therapist may come up with some sort of "diagnosis: -- but to be honest, that is mostly important only for insurance purposes -- something to write on a form. The important part is not your diagnosis, but instead getting help to understand what you are feeling, and why you are feeling it, and to help you process your feelings and thoughts in a way that will make you less anxious and more happy and confident and fulfilled.

I will add a couple of additional points:

First, you are a really good writer. I can tell that from your post. That is not really relevant to anything in particular, but I thought I would mention it. Some people find keeping a "journal" of their feelings helpful. Writing it out on paper can be cathartic. Since you have some writing talent, you might want to do that -- if you think it would be helpful. It might be useful for therapy purposes too -- it would help you organize your thoughts and feelings.

Second, don't think you are condemned to a life of depression or anxiety. You are not. I realize it is very unpleasant to experience these feelings (I have been there, so I really do understand). But, fortunately, these things are treatable. There are MANY young people who have experienced serious bouts of depression and/or anxiety, and have gotten some therapy and gone on to live very happy and successful lives. For many of these people, the experience -- although quite difficult at the time -- has made them stronger and more empathetic. So there is certainly reason for hope and for optimism.

You have a lot to live for. I suspect you have a very bright future ahead of you. You just need to get through a rough patch. You can do it. And if you continue to post here, some of us will be at your side, offering you support and encouragement.

[Im-Suffering]

Hi Sarah. Yes, you should certainly seek out some help. Millions of people (including me) have done so, and found it very useful. Don't worry about the possibility that it "won't work." If you are committed to it, and sincerely want to feel better, it WILL work.

Whether you start with a psychologist or a psychiatrist may not be all that important. The advantage of a psychiatrist is that he (or she) is a medical doctor and so has the ability to prescribe medication, if that is needed. But if you see a psychologist instead, and the psychologist thinks some medication might be useful, the psychologist can refer you to a psychiatrist for the purpose of prescribing medication. If you don't know where to find a good psychologist or psychiatrist, you could ask your regular doctor for a recommendation. When I say "regular doctor" I mean whatever doctor you usually see for routine medical matters. They can usually recommend someone. I realize asking for the recommendation may seem slightly awkward to you -- but I assure you it will not seem at all odd to the doctor; they get these requests all the time and they tend to respect people who ask for help rather than just suffering or pretending there is no problem. Another possible place to get a recommendation would be from your guidance counselor at school, if you are in school.

You say you may have generalized anxiety disorder, or depression, etc. I would not worry too much about what your "diagnosis" will be. It is really not all that important. Instead, I would just tell the therapist (psychologist, counselor, psychiatrist, etc.) what you are feeling. Be really honest about it. There is nothing you are feeling or thinking or worrying about that they have not heard 100 times before. The therapist may come up with some sort of "diagnosis: -- but to be honest, that is mostly important only for insurance purposes -- something to write on a form. The important part is not your diagnosis, but instead getting help to understand what you are feeling, and why you are feeling it, and to help you process your feelings and thoughts in a way that will make you less anxious and more happy and confident and fulfilled.

I will add a couple of additional points:

First, you are a really good writer. I can tell that from your post. That is not really relevant to anything in particular, but I thought I would mention it. Some people find keeping a "journal" of their feelings helpful. Writing it out on paper can be cathartic. Since you have some writing talent, you might want to do that -- if you think it would be helpful. It might be useful for therapy purposes too -- it would help you organize your thoughts and feelings.

Second, don't think you are condemned to a life of depression or anxiety. You are not. I realize it is very unpleasant to experience these feelings (I have been there, so I really do understand). But, fortunately, these things are treatable. There are MANY young people who have experienced serious bouts of depression and/or anxiety, and have gotten some therapy and gone on to live very happy and successful lives. For many of these people, the experience -- although quite difficult at the time -- has made them stronger and more empathetic. So there is certainly reason for hope and for optimism.

You have a lot to live for. I suspect you have a very bright future ahead of you. You just need to get through a rough patch. You can do it. And if you continue to post here, some of us will be at your side, offering you support and encouragement.

Excellent post.

[Sarah116]

Thank you so much for responding. Your reply makes me feel much better and a lot more hopeful. I'm just still a bit scared of having to go through the process of telling my dad and sister because I don't know how they'll react to me saying that I've been hiding this terrible anxiety for the past three months. I don't know if they'll even believe me but I know that if they won't listen to me then other people will.

I don't really have a regular doctor to be honest because I rarely ever have to go see one. Is it a good idea to search online for one in my area? And they should be familiar with anxiety disorders right? So it'll be easier to treat me?

And I'm surprised. I actually am a writer and love writing. I didn't know someone could tell just from a post. Maybe I'll try out the journal technique.

I've read that exercise is a good way to fight anxiety so I'm planning on exercising on a regular basis. I hope it'll at least help some.

[Im-Suffering]

Thank you so much for responding. Your reply makes me feel much better and a lot more hopeful. I'm just still a bit scared of having to go through the process of telling my dad and sister because I don't know how they'll react to me saying that I've been hiding this terrible anxiety for the past three months. I don't know if they'll even believe me but I know that if they won't listen to me then other people will.

I don't really have a regular doctor to be honest because I rarely ever have to go see one. Is it a good idea to search online for one in my area? And they should be familiar with anxiety disorders right? So it'll be easier to treat me?

And I'm surprised. I actually am a writer and love writing. I didn't know someone could tell just from a post. Maybe I'll try out the journal technique.

I've read that exercise is a good way to fight anxiety so I'm planning on exercising on a regular basis. I hope it'll at least help some.

Keep us informed as to how it went for you. Call today:

"If you feel you are in a crisis, whether or not you are thinking about killing yourself, please call the Lifeline. People have called us for help with substance abuse, economic worries, relationship and family problems, sexual orientation, illness, getting over abuse, depression, mental and physical illness, and even loneliness."

"When you dial 1-800-273-TALK (8255), you are calling the crisis center in the Lifeline network closest to your location. After you call, you will hear a message saying you have reached the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. You will hear hold music while your call is being routed. You will be helped by a skilled, trained crisis worker who will listen to your problems and will tell you about mental health services in your area. Your call is confidential and free"

[Kuma]

Hi Sarah. Of course, I do not know your family so I cannot be sure how your dad and sister will react. But my guess is if you tell them that you have been feeling some anxiety and depression and you would like to talk with a psychologist or counselor to get some help and advice, they will probably be fine with that. Some people have strange ideas about getting psychological help, because of various antiquated stigmas and the like, but most people realize that counseling or therapy can be very useful and that it is much better to seek out some help than it is to suffer in silence. If my kids (who are around your age) told me they were feeling some anxiety or depression and wanted to speak with a counselor, I would respect their desire to get help with their problems and would encourage it. I hope your dad has the same response.

In terms of locating someone to talk with, even if you do not have a regular doctor, my guess is you have at some point seen some doctor -- either a pediatrician or an internal medicine (family medicine) doctor or an Ob/Gyn. You could call one of those doctors, even if you have not seen them in a while, and ask for a recommendation. Alternatively, as I said, you could ask your school guidance counselor (or school psychologist, if you have one) for a recommendation, if you are in school. If you have health insurance, you could also call your health insurer and ask for a recommendation of local psychiatrists or psychologists. They can usually provide a list and then you can call a couple of them and talk for a few minutes and see who you feel most comfortable with. A local hospital could probably also provide some recommendations. If your dad is supportive of your getting some help, he may also have some ideas for how to get a good recommendation. You are correct that the therapist (psychiatrist, psychologist, etc.) you talk with should have some background in treating anxiety -- but for better or worse anxiety is so common in our society that nearly everyone in this profession has a lot of experience with anxiety. We all wish it were more uncommon, but alas it is quite common. It would be good if the person has some experience helping people around your age. That is something you can ask when you talk with anyone that is recommended to you. That reminds me -- you do not need to go with the first recommendation you get. A personal rapport can be important. So you should feel free to talk with a couple of counselors and see who you "click" with. But don't delay. The sooner you start this process, the sooner you can begin to feel better. When you do begin to feel better, it is great. You will feel like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders. Of course, there is no magic overnight cure. But even beginning to feel better will be cause for optimism...

Sarah, your posts reflect a maturity and perspective that is relatively rare among people your age. I am sorry that you are having a hard time and dealing with some difficult issues. But it seems to me you are very likely to get past your present challenges, and emerge as a strong, healthy and happy person. And some day, you will be able to use your experiences to help others.

Let us know how it goes. And if we can help in any way -- or you just want to "talk" -- post on this thread. We will be looking out for you.

[Sarah116]

Thank you. I will try to find some help as soon as possible. If I do, I'll give an update!