Severe fear related to the passing of time

[Indrid Cold]

In May, my Uncle who I was closest to suddenly and unexpectedly passed away, and I think this is one of the things that has triggered this feeling. I have had anxiety for a long time and am on medication (Zoloft and Buspar). However, lately, everything has been much, much worse. My anxiety is the very worst when I first wake up. I think about how I am already 26 years old, how it's already 2014, and it just doesn't seem possible and it sickens me. It even makes me sick to my stomach just thinking about how fast time seems to have gone by.

Another thing that I think has made my anxiety worse and has made me start having severe anxiety about time is the fact that I just recently started school again after having taken time off. I had to take time off due to health issues and family issues, and am just now getting back into college. I have the normal stress and worry from having coursework to do again, but now I have the added thoughts of "gosh, I am already 26 years old (OVER HALF WAY TO 30!) and still not done yet. Then I have my pain and grief from my Uncle's passing, and the realization that life IS short and when it's over it is definitely over, and I am haunted by it. I have also noticed some changes that are really scaring me. I am becoming really obsessive about stuff that I used to never be obsessive about. There is a certain female celebrity that I have become severely obsessed with. I have been a fan for some time (since around 2011), but now I not only spend large amounts of time thinking about her, but I have been reading about her online and read in several interviews that she has a boyfriend, and I felt angry and physically sick when I read that. I have no idea why I feel this way. I am not psychotic or delusional in any way, nor do I believe I am in a relationship or even have a shot at a relationship with her, but it hurt me nonetheless as if I had been betrayed by someone who I am actually close to. Things are happening that I do not like and are not characteristic of me, and certainly not to this degree.

I feel like everywhere I turn I am haunted by time. When I watch her online in concert (she is an artist), I enjoy watching her perform and listening to her sing as I have for quite sometime, but I start to think about how long it's been since I first started listening to her and it bothers me. I also have listened to other music on YouTube (always in an attempt to calm and relax me) and I will notice things like that the video was uploaded "7 years ago" (and it seems to me that it SHOULD be a fairly recent video) and I am even more baffled by how that much time has already gone by and it makes me feel panicky and sick to my stomach.

Does anyone else have anxiety that manifests due to being conscious of how much time has gone by, or feeling like time is moving way faster than it should be? Without going into too much detail, the past several years have been pretty difficult for me, and sort of seems like a blur now, and I kind of still resent it now. I resent the circumstances that made that time so difficult, and I resent the fact that I could not have been more productive during that time with furthering my education due to the issues I was dealing with.

Has anyone else struggled with any of these sorts of things? Either with obsessiveness or with severe fear and anxiety over time? I have sort of been freaked out about time for awhile, but it seems like now that I am 26 and now that my Uncle is gone, the fear has gotten so much worse. I would love to be able to overcome this if there are any coping strategies that you all could share, and would certainly welcome any advice. It has gotten to where these thoughts are consuming a large amount of my time and it is really impacting me severely. I have trouble sleeping a lot of nights, and I wake up feeling horrible most days and it takes me quite awhile to even begin to shake that feeling...and it never fully goes away. It just dissipates after I am awake for awhile. It is also really difficult that my strategy of distraction does not seem to work as I mentioned before, because I am haunted by time even when I am trying to do something to relax myself or make me feel happy. I often listen to music late at night, not because it necessarily relaxes me to where I can sleep because most of the time it does not, but it does sometimes make me feel joyful and at least improves my mood.

Anyway, I keep trying to wrap up but then keep rambling...sorry about that. If anyone has any advice I would welcome it because I really feel like I need some help with this problem.

[Enduronman]

In May, my Uncle who I was closest to suddenly and unexpectedly (passed away), and I think this is one of the things that has (triggered) this feeling. Another thing that I think has made my anxiety worse and has made me start having severe anxiety about time is the fact that I just recently started (school) again after having taken time off. I am becoming really (obsessive) about stuff that I used to never be obsessive about. Things are happening that (I do not like) and are not characteristic of me, and certainly not to this degree.Does anyone else have anxiety that manifests due to being conscious of how much (time) has gone by, or feeling like time is moving way faster than it should be? I (resent the circumstances) that made that time so difficult. Obsessiveness or with Severe Fear and Anxiety over (time?)

Very sorry for your loss. Remember him for what and how he was, the great things about him, not because he is now gone. Search for closure. Move forward in your own life.
Being in school is a good thing, many people here can't even accomplish what you are able to accomplish. Be proud of yourself and for your strengths, not your weaknesses.
The passage of time is just life. Whether you are 26 or 46 like I am. Don't look back. Forget the past, live for today, have hope for the future.
This obsessiveness with this celebrity is obviously not healthy. Move on, move forward, focus on yourself, find another positive distraction, control this obsession. Because you can.
I hate to say this again but I must anyway as it helps me to live a better life..if you live by the suggestion.
Accept the things that you can not change, and work to change the things that you actually can. You can't change what has pasts, only learn from it.
Just some thoughts, maybe something useful in there some where.
Have a great day friend!

E-Man :)

[Indrid Cold]

Thank you for the response. It felt very good and therapeutic just to type out everything that has been going on with me lately, and I am glad that you responded and appreciate your advice. I think the obsessiveness that I mentioned that I am struggling with ties in with the whole time thing and panicking about my age, because it also makes me panic about "wasted time" or time not utilized to the fullest. For example, due to health issues I do not travel much, and I have not been to a concert since 2005, and I really miss it. I think if I was able to go to a concert and meet this person and get an autograph or a picture with her, I would feel better and this would go away. I think the obsession is a manifestation of the fact that I long to get out and "live" again and I feel like I have not done so in awhile. It also does not help that, in the midst of the difficult few years I had mentioned in the first post, I did drink heavily too during that time period. That adds to the feeling of wasted time and there is guilt there. I am trying to let it go and move on, but it still gets to me now and then. I will try to do what you said about forgetting the past though because that is definitely holding me back. I get in a bad rut with negative thinking and dwelling on stuff from the past a lot.

Thanks for all the advice. I will try to put it to use. :)

[JohnC]

Hi Indrid Cold,
I have similar issues with the passing of time and like you i lost an uncle when i was about your age. We worked together in landscaping most of my younger years and then cancer got him. I was in my twenties then and i am now 49!!!! I did not marry until i was in my 30's and with 50 staring at me and my youngest only 9 you bet old father time is a anxiety trigger for me. I know i can't stop it but it still bothers me. I must keep pushing on for my family though and i guess thats what keeps me going.
Good luck to you and very sorry to hear about your uncle.
Do not hesitate to ask questions there are a lot of good folks on here.