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View Full Version : Hypochondriac mother is affecting my relationships and life, need help!



maggstaa
09-26-2014, 01:14 AM
This is an INCREDIBLY long story I'm going to try to condense as much as possible.
Let me start off by saying my mom has always been a psycho. A very good person at heart, but a massive amount of undiagnosed mental disorders that no one else continuously turns a blind eye to. I have a neuro problem and was in the hospital a lot as a child, and she always talked about how much more difficult it was on her than it was for me. The most recent issue has been an atomic explosion.
I'm 24, I moved from the usa to Europe 2 years ago and have a bf here and my own life. Started off as a vacation until I met him. My mom had always claimed to be supportive, but now that I'm not coming back she's making me feel awful for it. She has diagnosed herself with some extremely rare neurological disorder and the more I ignore her the "worse" it gets. I'm 100% positive this is just massive hypochondria/extremist attention craving since she has been like this my entire life. I've been keeping distant and ignoring it for the most part, but the more I do she is guilt tripping me horribly and in turn wrecking my relationships with the rest of my family. She has been blowing up my phone and email about what a horrible person I am, and I have calmly and respectfully replied saying please stop doing this, it's not the correct way to handle it. Then she goes to my family and tells them I am saying nasty things about them and her and my boyfriend is the reason I've turned into such a cold-hearted person.
Now whenever I try to talk to my family...my sister won't give me the time of day anymore because she believes my mom about the things she claims I've said, and my sister was my best friend. My dad still talks to me normally but is playing into her problems. My grandma guilt trips me just as much as my mom. And now it's escalated to that she is "literally dying" and the only way she can recover is if I jump on board and come home.
This is just a short version of what has been going on, but it's affecting me more and more greatly. My anxiety and OCD have been out of control as a result. I'm getting depressed and avoid hanging out with people because I know my mood puts a damper on social situations and I don't want people to be annoyed. I want to see a therapist but it's too expensive. I've been wondering lately if I should just give in and bs and tell my fam that I've seen the error of my ways and give her the "there theres" and attention she craves and maybe that will get her to tone it down and hopefully stop making me feel horrible for living my life away from her. But my friends say that is a bad idea and will stress me out even more from having to constantly pretend to feel things that I don't. I've begun blocking my mom on social media because I can't get a break, but I know that is probably just adding fuel to the fire for her to spread more lies and rumors to other people I love over there. I've tried suggesting therapy but she refuses, and my dad does whatever she says so won't try to convince her to get mental help. It's also stressing him out so bad it worries me greatly about his health as a result.

I've tried being honest and calm and respectful with my fam and it just blew back up in my face. I feel like the only other option is to either give in and pretend I'm on board, or continue to brush it off; I can't decide which is the lesser of two evils.

Thanks for the read, sorry if I posted in the wrong section. I'm just at a loss and don't know where else to turn.

Enduronman
09-26-2014, 05:45 AM
Let me start off by saying my mom has always been a psycho. A very good person at heart, but a massive amount of undiagnosed mental disorders that no one else continuously turns a blind eye to. I have a neuro problem and was in the hospital a lot as a child, and she always talked about how much more difficult it was on her than it was for me. She has diagnosed herself with some extremely rare neurological disorder and the more I ignore her the "worse" it gets. My dad still talks to me normally but is playing into her problems. My grandma guilt trips me just as much as my mom. And now it's escalated to that she is "literally dying" and the only way she can recover is if I jump on board and come home. I'm getting depressed and avoid hanging out with people because I know my mood puts a damper on social situations and I don't want people to be annoyed. I've tried suggesting therapy but she refuses, and my dad does whatever she says so won't try to convince her to get mental help.

None of this is your problem.
If everyone else is turning a blind eye to the obvious, why would you go out of your way to recognize it?
This is your life, and if no one else is "on board" for you and your dreams, wishes, wants, desires, then why let them impact and affect you and your life?
We only get one shot at this, may has well make the best of it while we can, with or without the support of family..it is they that allow and permit this problem to continue.
Ignore the stupid guilt trips, and live your life. Don't allow them to also control you too...brush it off and go enjoy yourself.
Have a great day Maggsta!

E-Man :)

maggstaa
09-26-2014, 10:01 AM
Oops, I meant to write *everyone* instead of no one turns a blind eye to it. So I'm the only one who recognizes the actual problem instead of the superficial fabrications. I try to brush it off, I honestly don't care if she doesn't like me at this point, it just really upsets me that she is making other people dislike me as well. It's greatly affecting my life an ocean away, which I guess is what she wants, and I keep feeling guilty then trying to snap out of it. But I know what you said above is true and it's not my fault. I just can't sleep at night knowing my sister is beginning to hate me because she doesn't know the truth. And I wish the rest of my family could hold a conversation with me without constantly bringing it up.
Some of my friends are telling me that maybe if I just give in and play along she'll back off, but other friends tell me that doing that will just exacerbate the problem and I'll have to deal with it more and become even more stressed. I can't decide which would be the right way to go in that regard.

Neysa
09-29-2014, 07:20 PM
What about doing that, going back especially for her to show your care and then have a serious talk? Maybe she really is dealing with some fears and anxiety?
I think it would be valuable to show her that you do care and are there for her and then to discuss and set a plan for the future...
I also suffered for a long time because of my mother until I understood why she is who she is. At some point I started to love her for who she is and although sometimes it's difficult to stand her I always remember the pain she went through in her life, the way she was under appreciated and mentally tortured by someone powerful in her life...

Where do you live? I live in the UK and you can be referred for a therapy for free here. Maybe there are such possibilities where you live too.