Anxiety help for my 15 year old son?

[mystic]

Hello all, I am desperately seeking the right help for my son Mike and being torn in many directions and listening to many varied opinions is not helping much. Mike started developing what I am being told are depression and anxiety issues since early this year. He had been diagnosed with ADD and mild autism since he was a toddler but we never had much issues until recent months when the anxiety issues surfaced, prior to that he was always a happy-go-lucky child. The main problem mike has now is with school, during the summer he was back to his normal self but now 3 weeks into the new school year, he seems to be getting worse and I am at my wits end trying to figure out what or who will be the best help for him? Here in New York, it's all about "insurance" so what I have been doing is taking him to a Family Practice where he has been receiving counseling help from a Therapist. Some folks have been telling me what mike needs is professional Psychiatrist so I am confused at the differences between a therapist, psychologist and psychiatrist, can you guys tell me which of the 3 mentioned would be the best help for my son please?

[1Bluerose68]

You may want to talk with your general physician 1st, and he/she may be able to even get a referral rolling in the right direction.

The Psychiatrist is an MD with specialization in psych meds, various forms of therapy, and also has hospital privelages to visit their psychiatric patients in psych hospitals. They usually go through 2-4 years extra training as general MD's before specializing as Psychiatrists.

The Psychologist has 6-8 years of training in studying psychodynamics, and various methods of therapy with a clinical emphasis usually. There are school psychologists who also have extensive training in testing methods for IQ assessments and placement of pupils in GATE and Special Education .

The Social Worker is a therapist who specializes in studying people w/in society. They have med social workers who make placements from the hospital and back into the school and the living environment. They also are required to have an M.S in Soc with a specialized license in Clinical Social Work.

Then there are Family and Child Counselors who are required to have an M.S degree plus a license in Clinical Counseling. They too have had to train in many clinical or humanistic settings like group homes or institutions. They also are able to go into private practice and see both individuals as well as families. Many health plans use these for patient counseling in psych departments.

Those are the main therapy channels which I am able to think of .

Good luck, and I hope that your general MD may help steer you the right direction if you need a referral to a specialty doctor in your health plan.

[Enduronman]

You may want to talk with your general physician 1st, and he/she may be able to even get a referral rolling in the right direction.

The Psychiatrist is an MD with specialization in psych (MEDS), various forms of therapy, and also has hospital privelages to visit their psychiatric patients in psych hospitals. They usually go through 2-4 years extra training as general MD's before specializing as Psychiatrists.

Good luck, and I hope that your general MD may help steer you the right direction if you need a referral and specialty doctor in your health plan many require this route 1st.

I was also born with ADD and needed medications to stabilize me during the teen years although my parents didn't act upon anything and I ended up dropping from school all together.
I would also suggest speaking to the GP, and getting a referral to a Psychiatrist as they are the only ones that can prescribe medications.
It looks as if your Son may need something, that he doesn't already have especially with depression/anxiety/ADD, and mild autism.
Wishing you well!

E-Man :)

[mystic]

You may want to talk with your general physician 1st, and he/she may be able to even get a referral rolling in the right direction.

Thanks for the response and info guys. Forget about the GP in my son's case, for insurance purposes we are using a Clinic in Manhattan so Mike cannot get one MD to take care of his health needs which is why I have to seek alternate help. From what you've explained about the differences between the 3, this suggests to me that what mike needs is both a Psychologist and Psychiatrist, the latter to handle any prescription needs and the former to handle his depression/anxiety issues?

If so, it will be very difficult to find a psychologist who accepts insurance and especially Mike's insurance but at least this info should weed out the Therapist?

[Enduronman]

I would probably seek out the assistance of a Psychiatrist first, and then see where that takes you if further advice, medications, counseling, or programs are needed to get him "stabilized".
Just my thoughts as dealing with teenagers is and can be a complicated issue, especially if they don't wish to be cooperative (like both of my girls when they were teens)....
They would simply tell the therapist, what the therapist wanted to hear, to "get through" the 40 min sessions.
Go for the one with the most power, background, ability as here that would be the Psychiatrist. MD.
Hope this helps you friend!

E-Man :)

[mystic]

YES it does Eman, thank you very much, will let you guys know what happens. There is a psychologist I found on the net here in NY who offers these services listed below, I am thinking those services will be best for mike alongside the psychiatrist?

Anxiety: Panic attack • Social phobia • Specific phobia • Health anxiety • Generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) • Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD)
Depression: Bipolar disorder (manic-depression) • Emotional instability • Mood swings
Trauma: Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) • Early neglect, abandonment or abuse • Recent shock from an accident or assault • Stress from natural catastrophe (hurricane, earthquake, flood, etc.)
Stress management: Tensions with work, family, and personal needs • Overwhelming feelings of anger, fear, sadness, guilt, frustration
Relationships to others and oneself: Problems making healthy connections with others • Personal boundaries • Self-concept • Self-esteem • Cultural and immigration challenges • Spiritual and religious concerns

[Enduronman]

You're on the right track friend!
You're taking the steps to make your Son's life better and I admire that.
You don't know how many times I've read here that "My parents are ignoring me"....grrrrrr...
Yes, make the plans for affirmative action!

E-Man :)

[mystic]

Appreciate the vote of confidence! That's certainly news to me that any child will say "My parents are ignoring me". The challenge will be in finding a qualified Psychologist like the one mentioned above who will accept our Fidelis insurance since most of them don't accept any type of insurance.

[Im-Suffering]

Hello all, I am desperately seeking the right help for my son Mike and being torn in many directions and listening to many varied opinions is not helping much. Mike started developing what I am being told are depression and anxiety issues since early this year. He had been diagnosed with ADD and mild autism since he was a toddler but we never had much issues until recent months when the anxiety issues surfaced, prior to that he was always a happy-go-lucky child. The main problem mike has now is with school, during the summer he was back to his normal self but now 3 weeks into the new school year, he seems to be getting worse and I am at my wits end trying to figure out what or who will be the best help for him? Here in New York, it's all about "insurance" so what I have been doing is taking him to a Family Practice where he has been receiving counseling help from a Therapist. Some folks have been telling me what mike needs is professional Psychiatrist so I am confused at the differences between a therapist, psychologist and psychiatrist, can you guys tell me which of the 3 mentioned would be the best help for my son please?

A child is not born deficient, period. A child is born into a deficient environment where he could grapple at some point with challenges set forth by that personality. I am saying he chose you, and the conditions necessary, the physical framework, best suited for personal growth. This is a spiritual ideal, and matters not if you believe. That environment should support and uplift any physical issues say if he is born with one leg, or immobile, or severely handicapped so he feels naturally supported to use what he does have in a constructive manner and not see himself as lacking in any area.

Why would you turn away from the self ? For it is you and the conditioning he receives in the household, both telepathically and action/deed/speech - that has been received since birth, - set in motion the turn of physical events. What is 'outer' is a projection of the 'inner' and the inner was received as conditioning from his caretakers, period. No matter what you believe, no exceptions. The child learns from the emotional environment of his household, period. And receives his world view from his parents, for he is not sufficiently developed until 14 to determine his own. Now at 15, his nervous system is developed sufficiently to grapple/conflict with what he has learned.

Take yourself and/or your spouse to therapy, for the boy will improve only if you do. The boy sees his parents as good, and himself as bad, using terms you can understand, it is always the case and healthier for the emerging ego to blame itself rather than find fault with you, do you understand?

We are not dismissing a diagnosis of mild autism, but that does not set the benchmark for behavior. That is not the cause here of anxiety.

When you see him, look in the mirror and see self, and face that.

[mystic]

If I understand correctly what you are saying that every child and especially mine who has whatever mental issues are the faults of the parents then I don't mind telling you, you are very sadly mistaken because I can't speak for anyone else but I am sure there many parents worldwide who are the same as us, who shower their kids with absolute love and would do anything in their power to help their kids in every facet of their live. My son told me quite a few times in the past that "I care too much", maybe so, therefore if I am to be blamed for anything it can only be that, caring too much so you DARE point your snooty fingers at myself and my wife!

[mystic]

You are entitled to your opinion but NO loving parent of any child with emotional issues will heed a single word you've written here, matter of fact it's people like you who impose more stress on the parents who give their all for their children.

[mystic]

There is nothing more for me to say to you, I came here seeking proper help for my son, negativity I did not expect so I am done here, thanks to you others guys for the help, best wishes!

[jessed03]

There is nothing more for me to say to you, I came here seeking proper help for my son, negativity I did not expect so I am done here, thanks to you others guys for the help, best wishes!

There's a block feature, if you ever want to ignore anybody and not see their posts. However, if you do leave the forum, best of luck with your battle.

[Im-Suffering]

There's a block feature, if you ever want to ignore anybody and not see their posts. However, if you do leave the forum, best of luck with your battle.

To anyone else reading this thread, future readers, especially parents, you can learn much here. For much has been exposed. Things are not always as they seem, so you have a parent absolving himself of all responsibility in his child's emotional growth. "I loved him, and now he is emotionally disturbed, what is wrong with him?" "I do not know what to do"

A 15 year old blames himself for his problems, not his parents, for his parents are invincible. In fact according to psychiatry it is healthier to blame himself. This child is then convinced of his emotional lack, and thrust off into therapy reinforcing this self belief and symbolizing his deficiency. The psychiatrist will most likely corroborate the parents findings, and either medicate or placate, either damaging the possibility for healing, whatever the condition. The mere fact the child needs therapy builds around his/her already perceived inner instability. if the parent is not willing to grow and learn, the child regardless of the capability of the therapist, will harden his heart and close himself off. It is never the child's fault, read that again, never, the childs fault.

The parent is unable to look at themselves instead blaming some psychological deficit on the part of his child, this of course separation and detachment leads to a damaged adult, in mental terms. The parent appears to be loving, and he himself believes that, when in reality he forms a separation between healthy and sick in his household, as the child sees himself carted off and away from the 'good' people. Thus the mental division under the same roof and the feelings of abandonment. "I am not worthy of your care and love, father. It is my fault"

This post is not for the OP, but for you, reading this today, whatever the date may be. If things are not right under your roof, look in the mirror for your understanding, and help yourself, first. The underbelly of your psyche is exposed through the actions of your family, which is supposed to lead you back to self discovery, and any personal healing from your youth that needs attention.

None of you would be on this board today with the ailment you have, if the conditioning during childhood did not foster today's problems, period.

[Joe.]

I see your point 'Mr. Suffering', even though elements of it could be irrational to me, I do still see through that the amazingly useful and profound ideas.
For my anxiety, I blame nobody, not my parents, not myself, blaming is a devise which is always the wrong way to approach anxiety. Accept it, deal with it. Don't ruminate any further.
The OP should read the above line a few times.

My mum would seem easy to blame, being diagnosed insane in the past and with severe bi-polar, but that is an idea I do not entertain.
To anyone else reading this thread, future readers, especially parents, you can learn much here. For much has been exposed. Things are not always as they seem, so you have a parent absolving himself of all responsibility in his child's emotional growth. "I loved him, and now he is emotionally disturbed, what is wrong with him?"

A 15 year old blames himself for his problems, not his parents, for his parents are invincible. In fact according to psychiatry it is healthier to blame himself. This child is then convinced of his emotional lack, and thrust off into therapy reinforcing this self belief and symbolizing his deficiency. The psychiatrist will most likely corroborate the parents findings, and either medicate or placate, either damaging the possibility for healing, whatever the condition. The mere fact the child needs therapy builds around the already perceived instability.

The parent is unable to look at themselves instead blaming some psychological deficit on the part of his child, this of course separation and detachment leads to a damaged adult, in mental terms. The parent appears to be loving, and he himself believes that, when in reality he forms a separation between healthy and sick in his household, as the child sees himself carted off and away from the 'good' people. Thus the mental division under the same roof and the feelings of abandonment. "I am not worthy of your care and love, father. It is my fault"

This post is not for the OP, but for you, reading this today, whatever the date may be. If things are not right under your roof, look in the mirror for your understanding, and help yourself, first.

[needtogetwell]

Hello mystic,

I am in Exactly the same situation as you. I have a 15yr old boy, with mild to moderate autism. Through the summer break I had few issues with him, but since school started he has been a nervous and anxious wreck.

I really don't have any answers for you, I just wanted you to know there is someone out there who really does understand what you are dealing with. The mixture of anxiety, autistic tendencies and hormones is a very volatile combination, not only for him but for you too.

All I can suggest is that you go back to basics with him, lots of encouragement, and take very small steps to get him back into the routine of school. If your son is anything like mine, even the smallest disruption of his routine can spell disaster. Slow small steps, praise for making it through a difficult task or situation, and above all else work at things at his pace, slow as it may be. He will get there and as things become more routine I'm certain you will see some of the anxiety abate.

Good luck, I truly believe that only the strongest of us get these precious children. They are a challenge but also a true wonder!

Pam

[needtogetwell]

One other thing I would suggest if you are looking for some psychiatric help for him is to contact autism speaks or another group for parents of kids on the spectrum for guidance on finding a professional in your area. Not many psychiatrists have expertise with people with autism, whether mild or severe. This is a very different situaltion that needs specific expertise.

[mystic]

Hi Pam, thank you very much for the kind words of encouragement and advice, yes, "slow" is how we have to proceed when he starts school again on Monday. He has a good bunch of people around him in school so I am pretty confident I will get any help they can offer. Yes you know very well what a basketcase we the concerned parents become when our kids have these issues, I never let my son see what I am feeling because I need to be strong for him and also because I never will want him to think he's causing me any stress so I try to be look and be calm even though I am going out of my mind. I already have an appointment for him to see a Psychiatrist on Oct 7 so now got to find a qualified Psychologist who accepts our insurance, since I am new here I don't have options to either send pm's or post links but as far as a Psychologist goes, I found one in NY who performs these services:

Anxiety: Panic attack • Social phobia • Specific phobia • Health anxiety • Generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) • Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD)
Depression: Bipolar disorder (manic-depression) • Emotional instability • Mood swings
Trauma: Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) • Early neglect, abandonment or abuse • Recent shock from an accident or assault • Stress from natural catastrophe (hurricane, earthquake, flood, etc.)
Stress management: Tensions with work, family, and personal needs • Overwhelming feelings of anger, fear, sadness, guilt, frustration
Relationships to others and oneself: Problems making healthy connections with others • Personal boundaries • Self-concept • Self-esteem • Cultural and immigration challenges • Spiritual and religious concerns

This type of Doctor seems to be my best option, just wanted to share with you if it may help in any way, unfortunately this doctor does not accept insurance and from my research seems most very qualified Psychologists don't accept insurance so it will be a very big task for me to find a doctor like this for my son but I will certainly give it everything I have to get someone like that for him.

[needtogetwell]

Hi mystic,

I think you may be on the right path with your chosen doctor.

Are you at all familiar with IBI or ABA therapy? These are two keystone therapies for working with kids / teenagers on the spectrum. When you see the doctor you may wish to ask them if they have experience with it, these types of approaches are fantastic for helping kids through their anxieties and learning new behaviours.

I am in Canada, so my challenges aren't quite as difficult finding a doctor or psychologist that takes insurance

[needtogetwell]

I'm often around so if you just need someone who understands please don't hesitate to touch base with me. It is a tough road we travel, and so few truly understand, but although the struggles are often great, the wins are proportionately bigger!

Cheers!

[mystic]

Never heard of those therapies Pam but I will definitely look into them [thanks]. So beautiful Canada huh? That brings back some very fond memories when I was there in the early 80s, spent one year in Toronto, some of my very best memories as a young lad.

[needtogetwell]

Mystic,

I'm thinking that some of the strategies for dealing and coping with someone with autism may be very useful for you at this point. You may not have needed these resources as you say that your son has "mild" autism, and obviously can function quite well. But with the flux of hormones added to the equation at age 15, things become a bit more complicated. I have found that as my son goes through puberty, his anxiety levels have increased but so have some of his autistic tendencies increased. I think that with all of the changes going on in their bodies they are more susceptible to sensory overload, which may be part of what you are seeing in your son.

I'm-suffering.....
All I can say is until you are the parent of an autistic child you have no idea what you are talking about. So keep your comments on this issue to yourself. You are not qualified in any way shape or form.

[needtogetwell]

Never heard of those therapies Pam but I will definitely look into them [thanks]. So beautiful Canada huh? That brings back some very fond memories when I was there in the early 80s, spent one year in Toronto, some of my very best memories as a young lad.

Yes, I'm about 1hour North of Toronto. Beautiful country. Toronto in the 80's was a really neat place. I moved there at age 15 in 1980. The city has changed immensely, not nearly as great as you may remember. Now, pushing 50 yrs old, it is all I can do to stay away from the place! Go figure!

[mystic]

Yeah, I remember going to one of my friend's "summer house" in the fall to rake leaves which was if I remember correctly north of Toronto, probably the most beautiful place I have ever seen. I'm closing in on 52 so looks like were were in Toronto around the same time. I was on UFT campus. Anyway, back to our issue at hand, does your son have problems expressing himself? That seems to be a major issue for mine, he has always had that but since these issues arose it's worse now.

[needtogetwell]

Yes, my son has huge issues expressing himself. Sometimes I find when he is really struggling his frustration levels go through the roof. Often he will just storm off and not want to talk at all.

I was dealing with some fairly extreme behaviours when school started and through much investigation I realized that he was afraid of all the people and the noise levels that a large high school of 1600 students brings. Once I asked him if he was afraid of school, he broke down and admitted that that was what was stressing him out. I have made some adjustments to his schedule and things are going much more smoothly. He arrives in the morning 5 minutes after class starts to avoid the commotion in the hallways. This sets him up for a better start to his day, and has helped a great deal.

You may find that some small adjustments to your sons schedule may help smooth out some of his issues with school.

[mystic]

Everything single thing you have written so far Pam, is exactly what's going on with mine. Can you elaborate more on "scheduling adjustments" please? Also, does your son get upset when you argue with people? I have had to learn how to not do this in his presence, I had only done this a couple of times over the phone with the insurance people and once with a therapist who kept bouncing him from one therapist to another in the clinic. His mom is more calm so he has no problem with her, just with me whenever I come across nonsense.

[needtogetwell]

By scheduling adjustments I am referring to him arriving a few minutes late, and arranged for him to move from class to class just after the bell rings. He arrives in each class a couple of minutes late but has much less stress dealing with the noise levels in the hallways.

I have also arranged for there to be a "quiet " place where he can go to gather himself for a bit of time when he feels frustrated. This was all coordinated with the special education people in the school. If you haven't already spoken with the special Ed department of your sons school, it may be worth a conversation with them. Your son may not need all the supports they offer but they are a fantastic resource for helping kids deal with the high school environment.

You mention that your son doesn't react well to arguments. Mine doesn't either. His father and I had some doozies before we split up, and every time it would freak my son out. I came to realize that he can't process the sounds of elevated voices, for that matter there are certain sounds that he simply can not tolerate, the fire alarm being one. I think this processing issue of elevated noise is a good part of his anxiety in school. Let's face it, a high school is naturally a loud place. Once you give him the tools to tune out the noise and chaos, you might have some luck. The trick is to identify the things that trigger him. You probably know what those issues are, so take a walk through your sons school, between classes or at lunch time and see if you can see anything which may trigger him. Things you and I take for granted may just be what makes him anxious. Try looking at the environment through his eyes. Once you see things, ask him if they bother him. He may just open up to the issues.

[mystic]

So far I have had great support from the school, just starting on Monday, I will have to ask them to make sure they go very slowly as you put it and not put any sort of pressure on him at least not until after he sees the Psychiatrist and depending on what he/she tells me. Same deal with my son, doesn't like noise around him and whenever myself and his mom disagrees on something, I have to be extra careful not to raise my voice to her. Yes, when both parents don't see eye to eye on anything concerning the child, this puts pressure on each parent and sparks heated arguments especially I notice when one parent wants to do more for the child than the other or feels that the other is not doing enough or the right thing.

[needtogetwell]

One of the other things I think are of issue for my son is that he has trouble reconciling the fact that he is a teenager now and it's not cool for him to like many of the things that interrest him. My son loves movies and videos, he's a bit of a computer geek. If I monitor what he is looking at, I find that when he is stressed he will strongly gravitate to things that are more suitable for an 8-10 year old, rather than a 15 year old. Case in point, when he is stressed he will put on the Lion King and play the same parts over and over. When he is not stressed, he gravitates to music, if he's listening to Nickleback and its full blast life is good.

It's just with a lot of time and effort I have come to these realizations. I am hoping maybe some of my insights to my own boy will spark some ideas for you. Any way I can help.

[mystic]

Your son and mine could be twins, the only thing that's different between yours and mine would be the "movies" thing, mine does not watch much TV or movies but yes, computer geek since a toddler and does never wanted to grow up. Does yours have a hard time letting go of things? Mine will not want to throw out anything at all and doesn't like new things too much, for example, he doesn't want a new backpack for school and still uses the old worn out one.

[needtogetwell]

Oh my gosh, I so understand the not throwing out things. With my son it is sneakers. His feet are literally poking out the sides before I can convince him to wear another pair of shoes. He also collects the strangest things. Right now he is collecting every season of the Simpsons, he has up to season 13, he has requested season 14 for Christmas and 15 for New Years (yup, his own holiday!lol) the strange thing is he has never watched a single episode, he says he has to collect them all before he starts to watch them. At this rate he will be well into his 20's before he watches them. Another odd collection is the wrappers from yogurt tubes he likes to eat. God help me if I try to clean them up or throw out any, they are in a specific order and I don't dare move them.

I find it quite remarkable with my son that he has such difficulty with things that are abstract in nature, but has an incredibly logical mind when it comes to working out things like jigsaw puzzles. This kid will sit for hours working on a 750 piece puzzle that would send most adults running for the hills! After he finishes one I must glue it all together for him, yes, another collection.

I'm curious, do you have any issues with food preferences? It seems that my son will eat only 6 or 7 different things. He will occasionally try something new, but if he does and likes it something will fall off the list of things he will eat. It is quite a challenge to get really good nutrition into him, thank goodness he will accept vitamins, as long as they are chewable.

Mystic, I'm really glad I met you here, it's so nice to have someone out there who really understands the challenges we face on a daily basis.

[drumex]

This can't be the case in every family situation. Your textbook explanation needs further analysis of the son in every enviroment.

[mystic]

Drumex

Absolutely, there will be differences. There is another child in the UK whose story I am familiar with who also has basically the same issues and character traits as mine but Pam's son is the closest to mine.

Pam

Yes, I have always had problems with mine letting go of anything whether it's toys, especially clothing, he would prefer to wear clothes with holes in them than the new clothes. Only new things he seems to accept are electronics like wii and PS3 e.t.c but he still refuses to let go of the much older PS2. If I want to get rid of something of his, I would have to do it without him knowing and he will ask for it.

Yes, Mike seldom likes to try anything new, he's been eating the same things since toddler days, whenever we do groceries, he always chooses his own foods which is very expensive but what can we do :). I have been after him for a very long time to include more nutritious foods in his daily diet but he doesn't go for it, something I will need his future Psych people to foucs on. Also, he never wants to participate in any sort of sports or clubs.