Family major part in my depression?

[zoiden]

Hi all,

I just wanted to open up a bit. I don't know what I expect back..I'm just here to vent. I live with my parents and am 23 years old. My parents have a broken marriage and things at home aren't too good. My brother recently got an apartment and for the past month he has not invited me even ONCE but he invites his gf and friends over. My brother only offered me over (i don't even consider it an invite honestly) when I asked him 3 weeks after he got his place "How's the apartment?" and then he said "oh, come over" and that was that. I wasn't able to go over anyways that day. My brother stresses me a lot, because I feel so betrayed by him. I feel what bothers me the most is that I feel I am the only one concerned with cultivating a brotherly relationship , and he could care less. He is fine inviting his gf and friends to his apartment while leaving me out. He is older than me btw, 30.

There is a family business being started that it is strategically very good for me to be involved in for financial security but my brother will be involved. Idk why but when I'm around him I just get annoyed because he's almost like a stranger how he acts. I feel strong dislike towards him at times even though i love him deep down. I have major depression and can't focus on anything. For years I've been trying to dig myself out of a hole but I feel crushed by the weight of my own failures, wasting time, lack of focus, and feeling like I have a shit family. I feel even worse working in this business with my brother involved because he does NOTHING. He expects a business to be made for him and to live off of it. I have a lot of negative feelings towards my family and it brings me down. I hate this lack of focus and negative feelings that causing my to just spiral down to the ground...

[Enduronman]

Hi Zoiden.

I'm here too, live with a parent (health reasons), am a 46 yr old father of three with three grandkids and my parents were divorced when I was 10.
I have an indifferent 57 yr old sister that too has her own apartment, that I don't communicate with. I don't let her stress me out because the relationship is of her choosing.
The age gap alone can create some issues all its own of course as I don't really know her all that well anyway. I do know that she thinks that everyone else is the problem, not herself.
Quit being so concerned with cultivating a relationship with him, if he isn't willing to work on it with you. He has his own agenda. Ignore him as he ignores you, he'll come around in time.
Focus on yourself for awhile, dig yourself out of this hole, and get in to see a doctor and a therapist to assist you with this.
Do something positive, for YOU!

E-Man :)

[zoiden]

It is easy to say that when to not be concerned with cultivating a relationship with your brother. But, when your 1 and only brother really just doesn't give a shit, it hurts and makes me very upset. I do focus too much on it tho..it kind of eats me up, all the while he is perfectly fine.

[Kuma]

Maybe it is time to break out on your own. Get a job, if you don't have one, get your own place to live, get some psychological help, if you need it, to deal with the depression, and become your own man. Then you can have a relationship with your brother -- if he is interested in having a relationship -- of equals. If he is not interested in having a relationship, then really there's not much you can do about that.

I sense a lot of negativity in your post -- depression, resentment to your brother, references to a "shit family," the downward spiral, etc. As you know, none of that is good for you.

But at age 23, neither your brother nor your family are responsible for your economic success or your happiness and security. That is your responsibility. You are an adult.

So take charge of your life, man. Figure out what you need in order to be independent, happy, confident and successful. And make it happen.