How to help my partner

[dreamdreamdream]

My partner and I have been together for a year now and we're deeply in love, things are great in almost every single way.

We're both diagnosed with anxiety, mine is generalised and her's is social. Aside from anxiety attacks every few months I've been able to successful manage my anxiety through regular therapy, fluxotine, and meditation.

But in the last few months her anxiety seems to be worsening and I'm extremely worried about her and the healthiness of our relationship. As we have become more serious she has become increasingly possessive, which started out as needing reassurance about her looks and how much I love her several times a day (which I happily oblige). More recently, this has turned into spying on me, asking me increasingly leading questions. I woke up to four frantic texts from her asking me to tell her that she's not like my exes (I had an abusive relationship a few years ago). She looks up my exes on Facebook to tell me how fat and ugly (which is particularly upsetting because I'm fat and I worry that she hates this about me) they are and how ashamed I should be for dating them. As I write this I know it makes her sound terrible, but she's really amazing in almost every other way.

I've tried talking to her to calm her down because she says it helps but she just seems to get more agitated when I do. I've told her that she should seek counseling since I've found it so useful, but she refuses to talk to anyone about it.

This is the most incredible relationship of my life but I'm worried about it and I'm worried about her.

Any advice?

Thanks

[Im-Suffering]

My partner and I have been together for a year now and we're deeply in love, things are great in almost every single way.

We're both diagnosed with anxiety, mine is generalised and her's is social. Aside from anxiety attacks every few months I've been able to successful manage my anxiety through regular therapy, fluxotine, and meditation.

But in the last few months her anxiety seems to be worsening and I'm extremely worried about her and the healthiness of our relationship. As we have become more serious she has become increasingly possessive, which started out as needing reassurance about her looks and how much I love her several times a day (which I happily oblige). More recently, this has turned into spying on me, asking me increasingly leading questions. I woke up to four frantic texts from her asking me to tell her that she's not like my exes (I had an abusive relationship a few years ago). She looks up my exes on Facebook to tell me how fat and ugly (which is particularly upsetting because I'm fat and I worry that she hates this about me) they are and how ashamed I should be for dating them. As I write this I know it makes her sound terrible, but she's really amazing in almost every other way.

I've tried talking to her to calm her down because she says it helps but she just seems to get more agitated when I do. I've told her that she should seek counseling since I've found it so useful, but she refuses to talk to anyone about it.

This is the most incredible relationship of my life but I'm worried about it and I'm worried about her.

Any advice?

Thanks

It's all about you, life is not about them. It's about you, your picture of the world, and the immediate feedback experience provides, as a learning tool. Relationships are invaluable in pointing out areas that need work.

Previous conditioning then, from childhood, and self suggestions given to her, by her, in answer to that conditioning by her caregivers, parents, friends, is what molded the personality you have today. So the individual first needs to be aware of this and make a decision to work on it.

You, are facing this because it is part of your learning too, and your views, beliefs. This is not the first go round with you two, in greater terms. You have been at this for eons, it would seem.

Can you get it right this time, free will says you have all the time in the world.

Now your question can be answered in much more detail, but I haven't the time, maybe later, but this will get you thinking in the meantime, it is a different view for you to look at.

She is your mirror, you see. So if you'd stop projecting back at her for a moment and take a good look at the self, I'm sure you'd intuitively know where the work needs to be done. Stop each of you going at the other, and turn to the self, for inside you are the answers, and that includes the anxiety issues as well.

The reasons for the anxiety are within the gifts you give each other, in the form of problems that need to be resolved. Digging into the problems while only looking at the self will show you the way. In the mutual relationship as it expresses outward will expose the individual issues you must face inward. As the self begins to change, the relations will follow suit.

Maybe more later, it's enough that you get this so far and understand it.