Jlk77
09-19-2014, 12:08 AM
This is very long but somebody please read and help.I'm a new member and need help asap.Ok so I am in the middle of a horrible anxiety attack and am getting really worried. I've had anxiety since I was 18. I am 38 now. When I was 18 I watched my best friend slowly die of brain cancer and soon after my grandmother (I was extremely close to her) died a horrible death due to stomach cancer. Both times I sat at there bedside during there final moments. Ever since then something triggered off and I literally diagnose myself with some kind of terminal cancer on a weekly basis. The bad part is I am completely terrified of doctors. I won't even get random blood test because I fear that will turn into a terminal cancer diagnosis. I know common sense tells me to get checked out to either ease my mind or to have a better chance at survival by catching it early but I absolutely can not. I was in a bad car wreck in 2010 and crushed 3 vertabraes. The first night in the hospital they were telling me I may not walk again and all I was worried about was if they were going to find cancer on all the MRI and cat scans they were doing. I was eventually transferred to another higher care hospital and was told I would walk again (long story). I actually refused surgery and started lying at my follow ups saying I was not in horrible pain just to avoid anymore x-rays and MRI. So now I live in pain because I can't bring myself to go to the doctor to get treatment or even pain meds. I lost my job because of pain and won't even apply for dissability because that would require a doctor appt. I took all my money in savings and am trying to run my own small business which seems like it's going to work out if I can figure out how to stay focused.anyways this new anxiety attack is the worse and is caused by something different. For some reason when I get a bout of insomnia where I stay up with no sleep at all I feel like something triggers off in my head and I get real panicky and . I start worrying about what will happen if I don't sleep the next night. I start worrying I will go completely crazy or die from no sleep. Luckily this has never made it past the 24 hours of no sleep mark. After a few hours of sleep I'm back to normal and calm. The problem is this time I am now past 48 hours of 0 sleep. So now I am in the worst panic anxiety attack of my life worried about what's going to happen if I don't sleep soon. I have tried everything that usually knocks me out (nyquil,Tylenol pm,Benadryl,melatonin etc) my heart is racing like crazy I'm short of breath. How much longer can I survive with no sleep until I die or go completely insane? Somebody help. For the most part most my friends and family have no idea of my anxiety. They all think I'm as normal as can be. My wife knows a little but the more I try to talk to her she just gets really upset with me because she don't understand. She will just tell me to lay down and sleep but I can't even try in the middle of this horrible anxiety attack. I'll probably lose her next due to all this. Please help.