Labelling myself as mentally ill isn't doing my self esteem any good :/

[X64]

Hello

I really am looking for some inspiration/advice I suppose, or maybe someone can relate to how I feel and how they overcame it. I apologise if I come across as terribly whiny and I'm fully aware there are people out there in much worse situations than me regarding mental health. But I can't seem to shift this negative thinking pattern right now and I guess it was nice to let off some steam and write. I wrote more than I intended so a big thank you in advance if you do read it all :).

I've just finished Uni and will be venturing out into the real world soon....or so I hope.

However, I seem to have gotten myself into a very negative thinking pattern recently, regarding myself as a failure, or a faulty human so to speak because of the history I had with OCD and some general anxiety issues I have now. It's like I've put a mental barrier up stopping myself from moving forward.

Luckily my anxiety issues are nothing too major, a panic attack here and there, some sleep loss before something important, the odd day feeling like rubbish because I'm anxious......having said that, it did recently screw up a travelling trip and I had to come back :(. I'm working on it though. Anyways, back the subject...

I've labelled myself...
It hit me the other day like a revelation, the part of having a mental illness which cripples me the most is the complete lack of faith I have in myself because I have labelled myself as mentally ill. If I get a wave of anxiety in a given situation, it will instantly makes me feel crap and so much less of a person than everyone around me because of the shear fact that I get these problems in the first place. I just think "what's the point of trying when someone without the illness can do a much better job than me since they don't have the burden of anxiety; my brain has faulty wiring". With all this, I've lost so much motivation before I've even started.

One of the best ways I can describe my feeling right now is to think back to my teens when my ocd hit me hard at times. My ocd was worse than what I have now, but I was actually much happier and led a much richer life because I simply knew less about the illness and in some cases didn't even realise my behaviour was abnormal. I suppose it's the whole "ignorance is bliss" thing in a way.

Of course we have to understand our issues to fight them, but sometimes that can be a double edged sword. Spending hours reading up on the internet, or seeing a psychologist, then labelling yourself as having an ailment.

The annoying stigma
I think one of the main reasons for my negative attitude is the stigma behind mental illnesses and the fact that you can't see the crutches. It would be nice to know others respect and value our efforts in fighting whatever mental illness it is we have without us having to even tell them or explain it. And let's face it, some people are so narrow minded they think they know how to cure you by giving you their advice, "just relax or stop thinking about it". Only if it were that simple.

My mum's a hoarder, My brother has anxiety...I guess my future kids will get something
Because anxiety disorders run in my family, I just feel hopeless. I'm scared to have children, I don't want them to go through some of the stuff I went through. My brother is basically debilitated from life, dropped out of uni and does nothing because of ocd/gad.

I like to believe mental illness can produce great people, but maybe that's just a myth
Lastly, I used to cherish the idea that mental illnesses' went hand in hand with creative talent and it made me feel a lot better, because for all the stuff I went through I could say it caused a positive. But I've lost faith in that idea and assume it to just be a myth now. No matter how good I am at something, there will always be someone else better who has never had a mental illness.


I feel like I'm on the brink of a feeling a whole lot better and ready to move on with my life, only I could just shift this mental barrier I've put up around myself. I know it's in me somewhere. My friend said to me "what seems to be the problem, you're a talented guy" and I keep trying to tell myself that too. I used to be so much more confident when I didn't label myself.


Thanks again for reading and any form of reply is greatly appreciated :)

[1Bluerose68]

At least you try and travel. And how so do you label yourself. I suppose I am not too bright about what you mean by the fact that you are labeled. Did a Dr give you a label? I know I suffer from mild Anxiety and that really is depressing to me. I can't go to many places alone and I hate feeling ,"Dependent" on others in order to do things. But it sounds like you try to overcome your anxiety and travel. That's very good. You deserve to give yourself a pat on the back and keep trying. And forget about any label, even one a Dr placed on you. No one see's this category of diagnosis , which is used for Insurance purposes usually and primarily.

[X64]

Thanks for your reply and kind words 1Bluerose :).

I did go on holiday after the travelling incident because I knew I had to face it this time, anxiety did strike and I just stuck it out and I guess that was good for me. I don't really mind facing the anxiety because it can't kill me, but I would be furious if for some reason my anxiety was misconceived as me being lazy or weird in an important position (e.g. a job) and therefore people looked down on me or in the worse case I lost my job. It's probably pointless me even thinking about such stations when they haven't actually happened but I guess its a grudge I hold inside which I need to let go.

In terms I labelling, I guess I just think of my self as having a mental disorder from everything, seeing psychologists/psychiatrists, the obvious genetic factor in my family and generally just feeling different


I know I suffer from mild Anxiety and that really is depressing to me. I can't go to many places alone and I hate feeling ,"Dependent" on others in order to do things

I'm sorry to hear that, I can relate in a way that mental illness just strips my dignity, but only when I realised it was a mental illness :/. Are you working on trying to go the places where you previously couldn't?

[glacierman]

I have almost the exact same thing when It comes to "labelling yourself" as mentally ill. I try not to think about it as much, but I completely understand, it makes you feel so much less then a person. I just keep thinking to myself that there is a way to change the way you think, it may be hard and very from person to person, but there is a way to feel better. Just remember that there are people out there that have had severe anxiety (social, general, etc) and have come out/ snapped out of it. The best thing to have is a bit of hope and educating yourself. Id encourage you to look up books on amazon or the book store and check reviews of books online. Books can really change who you are, as long as you have hope that they can. There are days where I feel like complete shit and other days where it went by normal. The the more you tell your anxiety **ck you! the bettter it will get.

Also try getting into a hobby. I find bodybuilding and running extremely helpful. When you see impovement on whatever your hobby is you feel incredible. I hope I helped.

[X64]

Thanks for reply glacierman, it sounds like we are on similar wave lengths :). Yep gym does help, it maybe temporary but it's a good break from my computer. I love making electronic music too, I think it must release chemicals in the head because sometimes It's like having a fit of mania when I'm composing something, then after it wares off I can feel shitty sometimes lol. Huge walks are good as well.

I don't read much actually and maybe I should because I've spoken to people who end up seeing life in a completely different way after reading various books. Do you have any recommendations regarding anxiety etc?

I always feel better when I hear about famous people who suffered with anxiety issues, even tho the stories may be glamorized a bit. But I can definitely see how someone like Charles Darwin suffered with anxiety problems, maybe his anxiety caused him to be uncertain about everything, thus leading to his questioning of everything around us and how it became.

Although sometimes I wonder whether the people who do not question much in life and believe anything they hear lead happier lives. My mind is just a wreck sometimes because I find my self questioning everything, when in reality I cannot know everything lol. But anxiety disorders can be the disease of doubt.

[jessed03]

I can understand your concerns. Attaching such a socially stigmatic label to yourself can make you feel 'different' - even more than the symptoms alone make you feel.

But anxiety and depression are referred to as mental DISORDERS, not illnesses. The illness idea just fits into the medical spectrum we recognize. Disorder meaning a dis-order. Your mind and body are disorganized. Imbalanced. Out of sync. Think of this 'mental illness' business as like solving a puzzle. Putting right some wrongs. Learning as you go. Ordering your mind, body and spirit.

I think labelling yourself as 'ill' is pretty unhealthy. No wonder it affects you, my friend.

[Im-Suffering]

Disorder meaning a dis-order. Your mind and body are disorganized. Imbalanced. Out of sync.

Very good, but why? -

What the body cannot stand today is the stress thrown upon it by the imagined stress or problems that it might be asked to face tomorrow, or next week, or 20 years from now. Then, you are not allowing it to act in the present. You are seeking from future probabilities unpleasant – or perhaps the most unpleasant – circumstances, and actually demanding that the body handle the stimuli now.

Again, significances are important. If one unpleasant event today automatically causes you to think of 20 more that might happen in the future and you dwell upon those, then you hopelessly confuse your body. It finds in the present no justification in fact for such interpretations, while your thoughts act as if those situations were presently before you, to be confronted. Stress results when the body does not know how to react, and therefore cannot react smoothly

[X64]

Disorder meaning a dis-order. Your mind and body are disorganized. Imbalanced. Out of sync

That's an interesting way to look at It, but I guess to me it still implies a fault with the brain, one which occurs from parts being unaligned so to speak. But I guess that's why in CBT they use the term 'rewire the brain' :).

I sometimes like to think anxiety disorders are simply the result of evolutionary mutations, that way it feel's like I don't have an illness or a disorder......but that's just a theory :/




What the body cannot stand today is the stress thrown upon it by the imagined stress or problems that it might be asked to face tomorrow, or next week, or 20 years from now. Then, you are not allowing it to act in the present. You are seeking from future probabilities unpleasant – or perhaps the most unpleasant – circumstances, and actually demanding that the body handle the stimuli now.

I think this is definitely something I do. It can be hard not to worry about the future and it makes it worse I agree.



Thank you both for your input, it certainly helps just talking about stuff on here to people who understand mental health. They say a problem shared is a problem halved, but trying to talk to a non-sufferer about anxiety problems just results in me banging my head off a wall. I really wish they should educated kids in school about mental health.

[Xerosnake90]

I do not view myself as a stand out from the world. Instead I realize that everyone has their struggles, big and tall. You are not mentally Ill more so than being human. It's just another struggle. I've faced it since I was young and never had a label for it. Labeling it for me only did one thing, give me clearer focus on what to resolve. Just keep moving forward and enjoy life. What is life if not something to be enjoyed?

[Imperius]

Hey there, I do not suffer from anxiety. However, I suffer from schizophrenia and depression. I am sure you are well aware that my illness is far more stigmatizing than anxiety, with the name of my illness associated with insanity. However, I have never concerned myself with people labeling me. In fact, I openly embrace and accept it. It is part of who I am, and I am proud of the fact that I have a severe mental illness and can still function like I do. While I do not have a career right now, I am studying at college. It is my intention to become a lawyer one day and openly tell everyone around me about my illness in hopes of lowering the stigma.

I feel that part of the problem of people with mental illnesses is that even we ourselves look down on ourselves. Instead we should all openly discuss it with our friends and family. If even we look down on ourselves, no one will look up to us.

[Xerosnake90]

Hey there, I do not suffer from anxiety. However, I suffer from schizophrenia and depression. I am sure you are well aware that my illness is far more stigmatizing than anxiety, with the name of my illness associated with insanity. However, I have never concerned myself with people labeling me. In fact, I openly embrace and accept it. It is part of who I am, and I am proud of the fact that I have a severe mental illness and can still function like I do. While I do not have a career right now, I am studying at college. It is my intention to become a lawyer one day and openly tell everyone around me about my illness in hopes of lowering the stigma.

I feel that part of the problem of people with mental illnesses is that even we ourselves look down on ourselves. Instead we should all openly discuss it with our friends and family. If even we look down on ourselves, no one will look up to us.

Beautiful approach. How does your diagnosis affect you if you don't mind me asking?

[Imperius]

I function pretty well most of the time. I was lucky after several changes, this medication work really well on me and I am perhaps not the most severe case of schizophrenia. Technically my diagnosis is schizoaffective disorder, which has the symptoms of schizophrenia and bipolar disorder. I no longer have much hallucinations and delusions and have developed the skills to differentiate them and reality. One of my most annoying symptom that I have right now is changing my goals pretty frequently but I am trying to stick through one commitment at a time, like school for example. It took me almost 3 years, but I think I am ready to tackle new challenges again.

[X64]

I do not view myself as a stand out from the world. Instead I realize that everyone has their struggles, big and tall. You are not mentally Ill more so than being human. It's just another struggle. I've faced it since I was young and never had a label for it. Labeling it for me only did one thing, give me clearer focus on what to resolve. Just keep moving forward and enjoy life. What is life if not something to be enjoyed?

:)


Hey there, I do not suffer from anxiety. However, I suffer from schizophrenia and depression. I am sure you are well aware that my illness is far more stigmatizing than anxiety, with the name of my illness associated with insanity. However, I have never concerned myself with people labeling me. In fact, I openly embrace and accept it. It is part of who I am, and I am proud of the fact that I have a severe mental illness and can still function like I do. While I do not have a career right now, I am studying at college. It is my intention to become a lawyer one day and openly tell everyone around me about my illness in hopes of lowering the stigma.

I feel that part of the problem of people with mental illnesses is that even we ourselves look down on ourselves. Instead we should all openly discuss it with our friends and family. If even we look down on ourselves, no one will look up to us.

That is a fantastic approach, I always used get annoyed that other members of family did not know what was going on with my brother (because he doesn't leave the house due to anxiety) and told my mum she should just tell everyone because I'm sick of hiding these things from people and they need to be informed to make mental illnesses more aware. It can feel quite liberating to tell people what you have I agree, but I tend to keep quiet if I feel it would jeopardize me in anyway....but then again maybe I shouldn't have this attitude, because if any is narrow minded enough to not even attempt to try and understand it, then I don't really want to be any part of them.

About your schizophrenia, I came across this on the net, maybe you've seen it already, it's about a law professor at the University of Southern California who suffers from schizophrenia. I didn't read it all, but it looks good and talks about how it didn't stop her etc :)

I cant post links yet, but she was called Elyn Saks, she does a TED talk about it.....I'm sure you must have seen it :)

[Enduronman]

I openly embrace and accept it. It is part of who I am. Instead we should all openly discuss it with our friends and family.

Powerful words there Imperius!
Great advice..

E-Man :)

[1Bluerose68]

I believe, that to a certain extent, how anxiety is dealt with is in many ways Cultural. In some countries the women who are anxious are seen as Trouble Makers. In other cultures Anxiety is felt Everyday and women must Learn to Cope by appearing Thick Skinned and internalizing their fears and anxiety with disassociation, and must keep on going. They must be The head of the Family. No one must know of their Weakness or they may be De-Throned, and seen as a Shame to the family. But Anxiety is one of those grey areas where 1 may feel anxious and never talk to anyone about it, and no one ever finds out therefore. Anxiety is subjective. Its objectified by a paper and pencil test. Sure they use drugs on it , and it helps some people. But the root of many cases of Anxiety runs deep. It will remain until the skeleton is removed from the closet and some spiritual house cleaning is performed. Labeling it mental is only a label, Not a Mental Illness. PTSD takes time to recover from. Some of our nation's finest soldiers suffer from this problem. I won't call it a mental illness though. It's a form of severe anxiety that must be worked through Intensly. However our system of med care does not treat PTSD at that required level. They give anti anxiety meds and label and perhaps an invitation to a 1x per week tribe like support group, which for many just re-opens a can of mealy worms. People suffering from anxiety are good people who are in need of some Really Good Therapy. Our nation doesn't do that yet. Our system controls how many times a patient may see a Good Therapist. It's not that often as they are Not Alone, and everyone wants to see A Good Therapist too. But I don't agree that ALL anxiety, and suffers of anxiety are Mentally Ill. They need an Ear to intensely be Listened to on a regular basis, not 1x per month, a label, and 90 days worth of sleeping pills,OK! And labels REALLY are for health care insurance purposes. Otherwise who's gonna pay the therapist? Well, certainly NOT the unemployed gal on workman's comp due to PTSD from workplace stress. So they must find a diagnosis that fits so that the Big Corporation will have an Objective Statistic to enter into their books before justifying a Disability Payment....But, she's NOT necessarily Mentally Ill. Some people are, others Never choose to see a therapist, live on the sidewalks, and swear that they ought to be running for President too. Whose to judge." K-Ce-Rah-Sa-Rah...."