Sick of being single! Will things ever feel different?:(

[Dan5678910]

Hi all. I haven't posted on here for a while.

Well I need some advice. I don't know where to start.

The title says it all really. I've been single for over a year and I hate it. I've got so much to offer but no one ever gives me the chance :(

I feel like I'm just loosing my mind. I don't know how to feel anymore, I don't know what to say to people or what to think.

It's funny, because over the past year I've almost programmed into my head "What goes around comes around"

This just doesn't seem true in my case. I've tried to do things to help people, and everyone is moving on. They've had their "Good luck" But where is mine?

I pray every night, I never used to. I do believe there is something good out there - something has kept me going when all I've wanted to do is collapse and lay on the floor.

I pray to god I will get mine, one day, just ONE DAY things might feel different.

I feel like I wanna reach out and touch something which just isn't there :( and no matter how much I try I can't say or feel what I WANT to say :(

I'm drifting in and out of tears - with my mood swinging up and down. Will I ever feel myself :(

I don't know who I am anymore - I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I feel empty - almost like I've got no soul.

I feel that people don't see me - they know I'm here, but they just drift past me.

I'm empty - I've got no emotions left.

I don't know what I expect anyone to say - there is nothing.

I'm not making any sense - I don't understand myself, so how can I say how I feel when I don't know what I'm supposed to feel..

Thanks for reading, a very empty, depressed, stressed, anxious Dan

[Dan5678910]

Made no sense I know. Maybe I'm in the wrong place here for help. I don't think anyone can help me.

[cineman74]

Dan,
I hear what you're saying. I don't think what you're feeling is unnatural or unrelatable. I've certainly gone through this myself. It can be disheartening to think that sometimes our better, more elevated qualities won't be enough to attract people. I think a lot of people are rightfully looking for a clear cause and effect with regards to meeting men and women. When A doesn't lead to B, but rather to W and back to J, it gets confusing. "If nice or interesting doesn't cut it, then what does it take to impress that someone special?" We're left with a mixed message about what people want in a mate.

Sometimes I wonder if maybe we've simply moved into an age where all dating is really like speed dating. I think we all just want someone to look deeper, to have the patience to see who we are and not just make a quick decision about what constitutes "desirable." It is very tough for a person to put him or herself out there emotionally. It's draining if you feel as though no one will meet you halfway in the effort.

It's true, unfortunately, that not enough people take the time to think about helping friends or colleagues or relatives find that someone special. It can be hard when one has to go it alone. Finding love is a terrifying process, whether or not everyone will admit that, and sometimes it does seem like the people we know are moving on without us, like one is just a placeholder to them until their someone special comes along and we are left alone.

If you've had love before this year of singledom, try to tell yourself you will have it again. Someone in your past obviously saw in you what you wished for them to see. What you feel now is not a permanent state of being, it just feels like it will stay that way. Someone is going to see you for who you really are and love you, and take the time to find more ways to love you as the years roll on.

You're certainly not alone.

best,
~Ben

[Robbed]

A couple more things. First of all, try not to make your happiness and well-being contingent on not being single. It is impossible to know how long you will be single. But why should you be miserable for however long it takes? Furthermore, letting your 'singleness' get you down will only make it less likely that you will find someone. Realize that being single DOES have its advantages, and take advantage of them.

Secondly, remember that seeing others in relationships is not necessarily an enviable thing. While you may feel like these folks have something that you don't, that 'something' is not necessarily something that you want. SO many people rush into relationships, only to be sorry. And being desparate only increases the chances of this happening. So don't be one of these people. Even if you are single for a LONG, LONG, LONG time, this is MUCH, MUCH, MUCH better than what SO many people out there find themselves trapped in.