please hear me out

[headupchinup]

hey guys,

this is kind of a cry for help. to be honest, i just feel really hopeless about the way my life is currently. i suffer from anxiety (ocd) and depression. mainly anxiety though. the reason why i feel so hopeless is because my health has been really bad lately. i have this tilted vision and loss of balance problem along with random pains in the left side of my head. there are so many things wrong with only the left side of my body. i believe the vision and balance problems was triggered or possibly caused by drug use. the first time i noticed the tilted vision was when i was high off of weed. consequently, i have been really scared of weed. right now, my roommate in college smokes weed everyday and i'm scared that even breathing in a tiny tiny bit of the smoke will make my problems worse. a part of me wants to move out but i also think if i move out, i would be feeding my ocd. this indecision has left me very anxious lately. on top of that, seeing everyone around me live a happy and normal life makes me even more hopeless. i know everyone has their own problems but mines just seem worse compared to theres. i'd love to worry about whether or not that girl likes me or what should i major in or any other normal worries. but i'm so caught up with my anxiety and what not that i can't even think about those things. my anxiety makes it really hard for me to focus. i know that i am a smart person because i always test well (for example, 2240 on sats) but i get so much anxiety when i do tasks because i always think i am making a mistake. i know you might be thinking, how can i be making mistakes when i got a 2240 on the sats? well, when i am doing something for myself, i don't really worry but if it is for other people, i worry a lot. this makes me scared to get an internship and just work in the real world. im also constantly tired from all of my anxiety. there's other problems too. the list goes on and on.. i really don't know sometimes... i seem totally fine on the outside because i dont want to seem different and weak but inside i am dying. any words would be appreciated.. maybe a success story?

thanks guys

[Anne1221]

I felt that way in college too! It was like I was dealing with so much more than anyone else. Is there a counseling center there where you can go and talk to a therapist or counselor? Things can get better! In the long run, being smart is going to serve you well, so you just hang in there for now and I hope you can get some good professional to help you.

[Steven Miller]

I agree that being smart will be helpful. I hope you don't settle and that you use your intellect to keep motivating you to get to that place where you know you want to be. It definitely is possible.

My success story is that I decided that I was going to do whatever it took to beat my anxiety by figuring out how to become a more confident person. I have made a lot of progress and my anxiety is much better. I found that confidence comes from knowing what you want and not being afraid to go after it.

It makes perfect sense that you worry when it is for other people. May I suggest it might be because you don't actually want to be doing that thing for them? It is very easy to feel anxious when we are doing something for someone else that we don't want to be doing. Could you give an example of a time that you did something for someone else?

[Xerosnake90]

Head up, chin up. Excellent user name, you'll do great when it comes to beating anxiety.

You started noticing symptoms when high on weed. Guess you know now that weed drives anxiety crazy. I was a pot head for a good 2-3 years before I got sick and anxiety introduced itself full force. Now I stay away from the stuff. I'm not complaining!

The thing to understand here is not your worries or why you feel this way or that way. You need to take some time to come to grips with anxiety and how it works. Understand your fears and how they've manifested your body to take hold. All those symptoms are a result of a haywire nervous system. Some of the symptoms are strange, the thing to understand is that regardless of how odd they ARE anxiety symptoms. One sure fire way to confirm this is when you notice these symptoms. If you find yourself noticing them and then you worry as they stick around. Sure enough it is anxiety. Sometimes you don't feel anxious and still have symptoms, that's your brain being wired to be in self defense mode. Thought patterns dictate our lives and subconcious feelings take root as our make up. Want to quit feeling so anxious? Quit having such anxious thoughts.

I always advise people read my thread in my signature. It'll tell you everything I will tell you. Just with much more detail. Take it easy, and beat this thing of yours. Anything is achievable ;)