Just introducing myself

[AugustRain]

I guess I should start with my name. I'm Miranda, just turned 22, and suffered from anxiety since I was 12 where my doctor diagnosed panic attacks. I've always live with it relatively easily, albeit the occasional spikes which happen out of nowhere. Most nights I'm lucky to get four hours sleep, but up until now the anxiety wasn't controlling my life.

Just recently I've been plagued by crippling anxiety and self doubt. A couple of weeks ago I came across something on Twitter that triggered a slew of horrific thoughts that try as I might I just could NOT control. I tried every thing from shouting STOP in my head repeatedly to snapping elastic bands to repeating the mantra, it's just anxiety, it's not real over and over again in my head. In typical me fashion I trawled the net, desperate to find a name for what is happening to me, but that just fuels my anxiety when it seems that I'll have this horrible thing forever. I'm constantly on edge, waiting for another thought to surface and when it does it's almost always followed by a constant mantra of reassurance in my head. And it does seem like EVERYTHING triggers a thought in my head, no matter how small or distantly related to my source of anxiety. This obviously makes me feel worse because I shouldn't keep attributing every little thing to a thought: things I once enjoyed. I can't avoid going out because of work and such, but I could easily lock myself away and wait to disappear. Has anyone ever experience similar?

[darkavenger]

Greetings AugustRain and welcome to the forums!

As for the beginning, You're quite a veteran [just like myself] suffering a decade from anxiety, treated, or untreated. I'd like to ask a few if I may. Do You live with Your parents? Do You attend any kind of job? Can You go among the people?

These thought cycles tend to appear and form themselves to people, who's mind is a heavy caliber [synchronous iQ/EQ, fast neurokinetics/psychotachics] and when not occupied enough, these thought constructs may appear.

Take care for now,

Bryan

[AugustRain]

Greetings AugustRain and welcome to the forums! As for the beginning, You're quite a veteran [just like myself] suffering a decade from anxiety, treated, or untreated. I'd like to ask a few if I may. Do You live with Your parents? Do You attend any kind of job? Can You go among the people? These thought cycles tend to appear and form themselves to people, who's mind is a heavy caliber [synchronous iQ/EQ, fast neurokinetics/psychotachics] and when not occupied enough, these thought constructs may appear. Take care for now, Bryan

Thank you for replying! And yes, I have a job and still live at home due to several reasons. I tend to get more anxious when going out and about because of the nature of my thoughts, and because there are triggers EVERYWHERE in public, I feel like I could just easily avoid going about and people in general. But these thoughts, they feel so real, like I'm controlling them, and it terrifies me that I could be a psychopath or even worse, because that's even worse. And I've started having dreams, and they upset me because I can't really run away from them. Like even when I think about other things, I have to jerk myself away from the thought because it will develop into something sinister. Or even the idea of a thought.

[darkavenger]

AugustRain - by the nature of Your sentences, You seem like a good guy, with close to synchronous iQ and EQ, the ability to receive and process of available information around You. It's a double edged sword, it's for both, Your benefit, and Your damnation at the same time. And don't worry, You're not a psychopath, at least not a full blown one. That's the first rule of being a psychopath, You think You are normal, and everyone else is crazy, and You have the patent for the truth and life, and everything. I use to think that all the time [:D] but I know that every single person deserves it's own reality and it's own life.

And yes, outdoors is full of triggers, tell me about it. Shopping malls, places with many people, going way too much distance out of Your house, and many more. Hope You somehow manage to get better. Btw. have You tried alternative medicine? E.g. traditional chinese medicine? Or meditation, or something?