piebear
06-17-2008, 08:37 AM
Ok, this is going to be a long one I think.
Well, for as long as I can remember I have had a fear of being sick. It is absolutely crippling. Although the last time I was sick must have been about 14 years ago when I was 6 years old (I'm 20 now). I would get panic attacks if I thought I was going to be sick. It would start off with something small, maybe like twinge in the stomach; a wierd breath intake, anything, and I would start worrying about it, then feel more sick. It would get to a point where I am almost sure I am going to be sick, and I would have to 'get out', In that I would have to leave the room, yawn, find a television and turn it on (at this point my head will be racing, not thinking straight at all, just trying to find something to take my mind off of it) and then it would pass, and I wouldn't be sick. It would lead me to not eat breakfast in the morning from about the age of 8 to 16 I must have had hundreds of panic attacks through my childhood, but not in one of them have I been sick. They wouldn't be that frequent, maybe once every few months. Even less in secondary school years. Maybe only 3 times a year or something.
Then throughout college it was fine. Can't remember having 1 panic attack. At one point at a friends house after drinking a lot for a number of days (I rarely drink) I was sort of sick, in that I had stomach contractions or whatever but nothing came out. It was just as terrafying as a normal panic attack, but I know it was the ridiculous amount of alcohol in my system that brought that on. Anyway, it was sort of ok until a month ago. I had been at a friends in nottingham for about 8 days, and had drunk a lot of alcohol over that time, then had an 11 hour coach journey back down during which I had numerous panic attacks and spent most of the time in the WC or desperately trying to force myself to sleep. It was genuinly terrafying. Wasn't sick. During then and now I have had numerous panic attacks. But I hesitate to call them panic attacks, because I won't just be sitting there thinking "oh no, what if I'm sick, what if I'm sick, that would be so bad" I literally just start feeling sick. Sometimes they can last an hour. What used to happen with them is I would feel sick, then fall asleep, or stop thinking about it, and it would go away for months or years. But last thursday (about 5 days ago) I had one in the night. Basically I've been feeling constantly nauseous since then. I went to sleep on thursday panicing because I was feeling reall sick (lasted a number of hours) then woke up still feeling sick. Lasted all day, was bad at night, and it's basically been the same for every day up until I type this (I am feeling it now). As always, I've not been sick, no matter how positive I am I am going to be. It will be like this - whenever I am not in a panic attack, I am feeling like I am fighting it off, do you understand? Like, you know when you are sick with a bug or something, and your stomach feels like it's in your throat, and you are just trying to breathe slowly, thinking "I hope im not sick", it's been like that the whole time. I've had about 3 panic attacks in this five days (I define a panic attack by me literally having to leave the room, or change the tv channel or something like that to escape from being positive I am going to be sick) but the whole of the rest of the time I'm feeling nauseous because I feel like I'm fighting off 'feeling sick' if you know what I mean. It's so hard to explain. What's really really really scary is, I don't even know if I'm feeling sick, weather I'm just worried about feeling sick comming on. I'm actually sitting here and I feel like smacking the wall or wrecking something it's making me so mad. I mean, I feel nauseous, but it's been like this for five straight days AND (this is important) goes away when i stop thinking about it. Simple answer? Stop thinking about it. That's hard. Something I aparently can't do. Because I think "I must remember not to thinka bout....oh god" It feels like my life is basically ruined. I can't enjoy ANYTHING anymore, I'm constantly feeling nauseous. I can't just lie down in bed because that leaves me alone with my own thoughts, and I'll notice a twitch in my stomach, and Ill start to feel sick. God I'm so sorry, this is so huge and rambling, but I can't express what it's like, to not actually know weather I am actually feeling nauseous or weather that is just my worry that I might start feeling nauseous. I don't know what to do, I feel like this is going to ruin the rest of my life. The only moments I've had of happiness in the last five days have been when I've been able to not think about it (or actually a few moments where im sitting there thinking, wow, I realise I might start feeling nauseous, but actually right now I feel alright. This is great. But then I'll imagine the feeling of being unable to escape from the nausea, and it will be ruined. The worry/nausea will come on again.)
I had a pretty wild childhood, but I pretty much took it on the chin. Moved about quite a lot, parents divorced when I was 11, but I remember panic attacks happening way before that. My mother thinks that I might be depressed, and that it is anxiety being an expression of my depression. The last month has been REALLY bad for me, financially it's just been absolute hell, one of the scariest times financially for me ever. Also been without a pc for this month (where to be honest I spent 90% of my time) but I can remember the panic attacks actually starting to become a problem since that coach trip back, and the financial problems didn't start until a week and a half after that.
Please, anyone with any help, please offer it. I don't know what to do, I feel like this is going to take over my life, that I'm never going to feel well again. I tried booking the doctors today but rang just too late so I am going in tommorow. All sorts of horrible thoughts are running through my head, like maybe I have a brain tumor or something that is causing my brain to constantly fire off nauseous feelings or something like that. I sometimes really wish I would be sick, because it would mean I actually have an illness, as opposed to it just being my brain torturing me, which I really do not know if it is fixable. Thanks for reading.
Just to note, I do not know if it is a panic attack I am having. What happens is I just start to feel really sick. I don't feel suffocated, but my breathing does become irregular as I try to calm myself down and assure myself I am not going to be sick. My mind tends to race and I feel like i have to escape from the situation, either by turning on a television, going into a different room, just changing something. When I know it's really bad is when i suddenly get this really horrible looming feeling that I am not going to be able to escape from the nausea without being sick. That's usually transition between just slight sickness/worry to a serious panic attack. As soon as I get that feeling I start trying to escape. Also, I KNOW being sick is nothing to be afraid of, I know it is a natural occurence and that everyone is scared of it, but that does not stop the feeling of sickness randomly comming on.
Will
Well, for as long as I can remember I have had a fear of being sick. It is absolutely crippling. Although the last time I was sick must have been about 14 years ago when I was 6 years old (I'm 20 now). I would get panic attacks if I thought I was going to be sick. It would start off with something small, maybe like twinge in the stomach; a wierd breath intake, anything, and I would start worrying about it, then feel more sick. It would get to a point where I am almost sure I am going to be sick, and I would have to 'get out', In that I would have to leave the room, yawn, find a television and turn it on (at this point my head will be racing, not thinking straight at all, just trying to find something to take my mind off of it) and then it would pass, and I wouldn't be sick. It would lead me to not eat breakfast in the morning from about the age of 8 to 16 I must have had hundreds of panic attacks through my childhood, but not in one of them have I been sick. They wouldn't be that frequent, maybe once every few months. Even less in secondary school years. Maybe only 3 times a year or something.
Then throughout college it was fine. Can't remember having 1 panic attack. At one point at a friends house after drinking a lot for a number of days (I rarely drink) I was sort of sick, in that I had stomach contractions or whatever but nothing came out. It was just as terrafying as a normal panic attack, but I know it was the ridiculous amount of alcohol in my system that brought that on. Anyway, it was sort of ok until a month ago. I had been at a friends in nottingham for about 8 days, and had drunk a lot of alcohol over that time, then had an 11 hour coach journey back down during which I had numerous panic attacks and spent most of the time in the WC or desperately trying to force myself to sleep. It was genuinly terrafying. Wasn't sick. During then and now I have had numerous panic attacks. But I hesitate to call them panic attacks, because I won't just be sitting there thinking "oh no, what if I'm sick, what if I'm sick, that would be so bad" I literally just start feeling sick. Sometimes they can last an hour. What used to happen with them is I would feel sick, then fall asleep, or stop thinking about it, and it would go away for months or years. But last thursday (about 5 days ago) I had one in the night. Basically I've been feeling constantly nauseous since then. I went to sleep on thursday panicing because I was feeling reall sick (lasted a number of hours) then woke up still feeling sick. Lasted all day, was bad at night, and it's basically been the same for every day up until I type this (I am feeling it now). As always, I've not been sick, no matter how positive I am I am going to be. It will be like this - whenever I am not in a panic attack, I am feeling like I am fighting it off, do you understand? Like, you know when you are sick with a bug or something, and your stomach feels like it's in your throat, and you are just trying to breathe slowly, thinking "I hope im not sick", it's been like that the whole time. I've had about 3 panic attacks in this five days (I define a panic attack by me literally having to leave the room, or change the tv channel or something like that to escape from being positive I am going to be sick) but the whole of the rest of the time I'm feeling nauseous because I feel like I'm fighting off 'feeling sick' if you know what I mean. It's so hard to explain. What's really really really scary is, I don't even know if I'm feeling sick, weather I'm just worried about feeling sick comming on. I'm actually sitting here and I feel like smacking the wall or wrecking something it's making me so mad. I mean, I feel nauseous, but it's been like this for five straight days AND (this is important) goes away when i stop thinking about it. Simple answer? Stop thinking about it. That's hard. Something I aparently can't do. Because I think "I must remember not to thinka bout....oh god" It feels like my life is basically ruined. I can't enjoy ANYTHING anymore, I'm constantly feeling nauseous. I can't just lie down in bed because that leaves me alone with my own thoughts, and I'll notice a twitch in my stomach, and Ill start to feel sick. God I'm so sorry, this is so huge and rambling, but I can't express what it's like, to not actually know weather I am actually feeling nauseous or weather that is just my worry that I might start feeling nauseous. I don't know what to do, I feel like this is going to ruin the rest of my life. The only moments I've had of happiness in the last five days have been when I've been able to not think about it (or actually a few moments where im sitting there thinking, wow, I realise I might start feeling nauseous, but actually right now I feel alright. This is great. But then I'll imagine the feeling of being unable to escape from the nausea, and it will be ruined. The worry/nausea will come on again.)
I had a pretty wild childhood, but I pretty much took it on the chin. Moved about quite a lot, parents divorced when I was 11, but I remember panic attacks happening way before that. My mother thinks that I might be depressed, and that it is anxiety being an expression of my depression. The last month has been REALLY bad for me, financially it's just been absolute hell, one of the scariest times financially for me ever. Also been without a pc for this month (where to be honest I spent 90% of my time) but I can remember the panic attacks actually starting to become a problem since that coach trip back, and the financial problems didn't start until a week and a half after that.
Please, anyone with any help, please offer it. I don't know what to do, I feel like this is going to take over my life, that I'm never going to feel well again. I tried booking the doctors today but rang just too late so I am going in tommorow. All sorts of horrible thoughts are running through my head, like maybe I have a brain tumor or something that is causing my brain to constantly fire off nauseous feelings or something like that. I sometimes really wish I would be sick, because it would mean I actually have an illness, as opposed to it just being my brain torturing me, which I really do not know if it is fixable. Thanks for reading.
Just to note, I do not know if it is a panic attack I am having. What happens is I just start to feel really sick. I don't feel suffocated, but my breathing does become irregular as I try to calm myself down and assure myself I am not going to be sick. My mind tends to race and I feel like i have to escape from the situation, either by turning on a television, going into a different room, just changing something. When I know it's really bad is when i suddenly get this really horrible looming feeling that I am not going to be able to escape from the nausea without being sick. That's usually transition between just slight sickness/worry to a serious panic attack. As soon as I get that feeling I start trying to escape. Also, I KNOW being sick is nothing to be afraid of, I know it is a natural occurence and that everyone is scared of it, but that does not stop the feeling of sickness randomly comming on.
Will