Anxiety over New Pet

[homebird]

So, my husband and I have thought about / discussed getting a cat for awhile now. I had one years ago (before my anxiety got really bad) and never had any problems. We had to re-home him when we moved, but now we have a daughter who has been begging for a cat. We sat down and thought about everything, planned, figured out finances etc.

My point is, this wasn't a spur-of-the-moment decision. I was 100% on board, in fact I'm the one that went to the shelter, paid for the kitty and brought her home.

But now .. my anxiety is at an all time high. It's like, all the things I considered before and thought I was okay with ... suddenly aren't ok? I'm nervous about the cat clawing my furniture or my kids. I worried my house stinks. I'm constantly like "OMG, where is the cat?" like anxious that it's going to jump out at me or something.

I don't GET it. I don't feel this way around other people's pets. The anxious/panicky of me wants to run screaming back to the animal shelter to return the kitty, but I know I can't do that. My daughter would be heartbroken, and we've already invested a good bit of money into the cat (vet bills, shots, getting it fixed, etc).

So ... now my question is, how the hell do I deal with this anxiety? I really am at a loss, and I feel stupid because this all started out as my idea. It's not been a week yet, so my husband thinks I just need to give it some time.

Thoughts?

[Kuma]

Maybe your husband is right that, with some time, the pet-related-anxiety will subside. But, if it does not, returning the cat to the shelter, or giving it to someone else who wants a cat, might be a reasonable option. The money should not be a driving factor; that is a sunk cost. Of course, your daughter's happiness is an important factor, but, depending on her age, you might be able to explain this to her candidly.

You should not have to live in misery because of a cat.

[homebird]

While I wouldn't say I'm living in misery, I am definitely feeling uncomfortable.

My daughter is 4, so I could probably try to explain it to her, but I don't know if she'd really understand.

My anxiety is usually triggered by change in my life, especially if I feel like I can't "control" the situation. It's happened with the birth of each of my children, change in jobs, moving, etc. Sometimes just knowing I have an "out" or a way to revert my circumstances is sometimes helpful, because I don't feel trapped. kwim?

Perhaps I will just give it some time knowing that I'm not really "stuck", and see how it goes.

And maybe I should call my therapist, haha. I feel like a neurotic freak over this whole thing, honestly. :)

[Steven Miller]

This is going to come off rude. Sorry. I've done battle against anxiety for a long time and I rather dislike it. I'm speaking here to your anxiety.

You say that you "thought about everything" but now you say that you are afraid the cat will claw the furniture and make the house stink. Did you think about those things? Did you come up with a plan for how to deal with them? Did you consider getting the cat declawed, or buying scratching posts or furniture coverings? Did you consider where you would put the kitty litter?

Why would you be afraid of the cat jumping out at you? Do you have a relationship with your new pet? Are you building one? Do you feed the cat, do you play with the cat? Does it have a fitting name?

What would happen if the cat scratched your kid? Would you explain that these things happen and a scratch is no big deal and put a band-aid on it and assure her that the cat was just doing what cats do? Or would you be frustrated and beat yourself up for getting one and tell yourself it wasn't worth it?

Can you envision how the cat will bring joy to your daughter? Can you remember how your cat brought joy to you? Will it sleep on your kids bed, keep her company and give her attention? You need to encourage these good things and deal with the practical matters in the best way you know how (the internet can help just google "how to take care of a cat")

[Im-Suffering]

While I wouldn't say I'm living in misery, I am definitely feeling uncomfortable.

My daughter is 4, so I could probably try to explain it to her, but I don't know if she'd really understand.

My anxiety is usually triggered by change in my life, especially if I feel like I can't "control" the situation. It's happened with the birth of each of my children, change in jobs, moving, etc. Sometimes just knowing I have an "out" or a way to revert my circumstances is sometimes helpful, because I don't feel trapped. kwim?

Perhaps I will just give it some time knowing that I'm not really "stuck", and see how it goes.

And maybe I should call my therapist, haha. I feel like a neurotic freak over this whole thing, honestly. :)

Children stockpile trauma. They also self talk even more than you. Their self talk is very important, because it is the beginnings of a belief system. Take the cat away, she may show you raw emotion, but internally it would go much differently. "My family doesn't love me", "I'm not deserving", "I'm not capable" "I'm unlovable" "it's my fault" "I am bad". And so on.

Be very aware of your child's beliefs, for they are fledgling at this point, through repeated internal suggestions, and telepathy from her mother, she will develop her views about herself and the world.

Your current issues are a direct result of your beliefs, and internal suggestions beginning as incipient self suggestions as a child. Now you want the same for her?

If she is treating the animal with love, respect, honor and friendship, then the problem is with you, do not pass down your false beliefs, fears and doubts.

Better to rope yourself up in a corner, lock the door and throw the key, than to destroy a child's chance at life. See the therapist. And know, telepathically she is in tune with her mom, so speak to yourself constructively, lovingly, and make a firm decision to resolve your anxiety.

Watch the pictures you paint in your mind, the expectations, the doubts, the indecision, you create your reality.

End of post. Given with love.

[homebird]

Steven - not rude at all! I'm not easily offended. :)

I did think about those things ahead of time. Which is why I am frustrated that I am second-guessing myself after the fact.

Cat clawing things - we were originally going to declaw the cat. But after speaking to the vet and reading some articles, I'm wondering if that's a bad idea. Apparently it's pretty controversial, and I had no idea until now. If we don't de-claw, we will be using Soft Claws (which are a little rubber nail cover that goes over their nail). Those are temporary though and will obviously cost extra money to replace every few weeks. We can afford it though, so I don't know why that bothers me.

The cat jumping out at me - I have no idea why I'm worried about that now. I feel like it may just be a side effect of the anxiety? When my baby was born and I was having panic attacks, I remember looking at my daughter and feeling ... afraid of her. It was irrational, and once I had dealt with my anxiety (medication/therapy) that thought went away. Does that make sense?

As far as the kids - we are teaching our kids how to be gentle with the cat, but the youngest is 1 and I know there will probably be times where he might get a little scrape or something. I know it will be fine. I had cats growing up and got scratched sometimes and it was no big deal. I'm not traumatized or anything. :) But again, there are the things I KNOW in my head, and then there are these irrational feelings that I would not normally be thinking.

My daughter absolutely loves the cat. She cuddles it and carries it around. It sits with her in bed sometimes and plays with her. She named it Pearl. My son loves her too, and my husband. Everyone seems extremely happy except for me.

I feel like if I can just get past this initial anxiety everything will be fine. You are probably right, that I need to remind myself of the good things in these moments of anxiety and try to work past it.

[homebird]

Children stockpile trauma. They also self talk even more than you. Their self talk is very important, because it is the beginnings of a belief system. Take the cat away, she may show you raw emotion, but internally it would go much differently. "My family doesn't love me", "I'm not deserving", "I'm not capable" "I'm unlovable" "it's my fault" "I am bad". And so on.

Be very aware of your child's beliefs, for they are fledgling at this point, through repeated internal suggestions, and telepathy from her mother, she will develop her views about herself and the world.

Your current issues are a direct result of your beliefs, and internal suggestions beginning as incipient self suggestions as a child. Now you want the same for her?

If she is treating the animal with love, respect, honor and friendship, then the problem is with you, do not pass down your false beliefs, fears and doubts.

Better to rope yourself up in a corner, lock the door and throw the key, than to destroy a child's chance at life. See the therapist. And know, telepathically she is in tune with her mom, so speak to yourself constructively, lovingly, and make a firm decision to resolve your anxiety.

You are very right. I know without a doubt that she would think it was her fault, and I don't want to do that to her.

[Im-Suffering]

This is going to come off rude. Sorry. I've done battle against anxiety for a long time and I rather dislike it. I'm speaking here to your anxiety.

You say that you "thought about everything" but now you say that you are afraid the cat will claw the furniture and make the house stink. Did you think about those things? Did you come up with a plan for how to deal with them? Did you consider getting the cat declawed, or buying scratching posts or furniture coverings? Did you consider where you would put the kitty litter?

Why would you be afraid of the cat jumping out at you? Do you have a relationship with your new pet? Are you building one? Do you feed the cat, do you play with the cat? Does it have a fitting name?

What would happen if the cat scratched your kid? Would you explain that these things happen and a scratch is no big deal and put a band-aid on it and assure her that the cat was just doing what cats do? Or would you be frustrated and beat yourself up for getting one and tell yourself it wasn't worth it?

Can you envision how the cat will bring joy to your daughter? Can you remember how your cat brought joy to you? Will it sleep on your kids bed, keep her company and give her attention? You need to encourage these good things and deal with the practical matters in the best way you know how (the internet can help just google "how to take care of a cat")

Very good Steven

[Im-Suffering]

You are very right. I know without a doubt that she would think it was her fault, and I don't want to do that to her.

Put yourself first, in a sense that you will come to grips with your anxiety. For what you do lovingly for self, you do for others. Not to say putting self first would get rid of everything in your home that makes you uncomfortable, but to heal and find peace, love, and reclaim joy, expression, life. Now the cat can teach you that, by watching it, not where it would pee, but how it lives, and it's marvelous sense of self. The cat in that context is good for you. In a larger context, the cat was for you, spiritually, it's selfless love will help you along, you see. Rather than worry over it, love it, period, let the creature teach you, as you watch it's interactions with your family.

I wish you the best on your journey, it wasn't meant to be easy, but it was meant to be emotionally fulfilling, and a learning experience.

You can click on my posts, we have done many readings here (medium) in regards to anxiety and healing, you may find it interesting.

[Steven Miller]

Cat clawing things - we were originally going to declaw the cat. But after speaking to the vet and reading some articles, I'm wondering if that's a bad idea. Apparently it's pretty controversial, and I had no idea until now. If we don't de-claw, we will be using Soft Claws (which are a little rubber nail cover that goes over their nail). Those are temporary though and will obviously cost extra money to replace every few weeks.

Your cat would not like being de-clawed. It would be physically painful. But your cat would enjoy being cared for and looked after. Just as an example, I am sure that some people feel very controversial about having "indoor" cats and all. Perhaps it does the cats great psychological damage to never be outside. I don't know. Anyway, we used soft claws with our cats and I don't think it was every few weeks, maybe every 2 months.


The cat jumping out at me - I have no idea why I'm worried about that now. I feel like it may just be a side effect of the anxiety? When my baby was born and I was having panic attacks, I remember looking at my daughter and feeling ... afraid of her. It was irrational, and once I had dealt with my anxiety (medication/therapy) that thought went away. Does that make sense?


That sounds circular. Your child no longer makes you anxious, so why would your cat? Perhaps because you now know your child and she is somewhat predicatable, while you have no idea about this new cat. Like you said, we hate feeling out of control. And right now you just don't know what your new cat is like. But discovering it should be fun, not terrifying. The irrationale belief is that your cat will never become more predictable. Your husband is right to give it time. But in the meanwhile, you need not suffer anxiety over it. Instead, play a game and start imagining all the places the cat could jump out at you. Seriously. There must be dozens. Which one is it going to be? Come up with some good reasons for one place instead of another, and see if you're right. For example, does your cat spend more time upstairs or downstairs? In the kitchen or the bedroom? By playing this guessing game you will speed up the process of becoming accustomed to your cats behavior, and hopefully you will enjoy it as well! If you don't feel like playing the game because you've got better things to think about than where your cat will be next, just trust that with some (short) time you will become familiar and comfortable with your cat. (hopefully not too predictable, that would take all the fun away. I believe its the little surprises that make it all worth it. For example, that night you will be feeling confused and frustrated by life and come in to say goodnight to your sleeping daughter and be surprised to discover the light left on and the cat sleeping soundly next to her and remember that all is right with the world, at least for this one night. So poetic steven.)


You are probably right, that I need to remind myself of the good things in these moments of anxiety and try to work past it.

:D

[Im-Suffering]

YI believe its the little surprises that make it all worth it. For example, that night you will be feeling confused and frustrated by life and come in to say goodnight to your sleeping daughter and see the light left on and the cat sleeping next to her and remember that all is right with this world, at least for that one night.
:D

There are many special moments, when you live in the now. Living in the past or future superimposes expectations and colors the now unjustly, distorting the picture you see, if you draw from the negative experiences. It's a wonderful lesson today, in staying current and experiencing the raw beauty of the moment as it continually unfolds. Anxiety in part is the fear of tomorrow's, where indecision has led to doubt, worry. And apropo here, because the personal beliefs conjure the appropriate emotions, you see. One needs to make the connection between emotions and self talk. Only then can that internal dialogue be changed. You are not at the mercy of your emotions, you have emotions that follow your beliefs, automatically.

Knowing this will help the OP.

[NixonRulz]

Maybe you just really don't want a cat?

Thy are kinda boring

[homebird]

Maybe you just really don't want a cat?

Thy are kinda boring

Thanks for that … uh … insightful response.

[Kuma]

I thought someone might suggest that perhaps the cat puts you on edge because you are a [home] bird. Cats do tend to make birds a bit nervous.... Another brilliant insight.

[Anne1221]

It WILL get better...you're just not used to having a cat around. Great time to teach your child some of the responsibilities of owning a pet.

[NixonRulz]

I have a cat. My wife brought it home in a snowstorm as a kitten

She just stares at me making me think I'm a bigger idiot than I believe I am

I sense she resents me because I have thumbs and she doesn't.

I probably mess with her too much because she can't open a bottle of water

[jessed03]

I think you're over thinking things way too much, which, is extremely normal when you have anxiety. But this habit won't serve you well.

You sat down, you made a rational decision to get a pet. Stick with that. For better or for worse, stay with it. Anxiety turns you into that annoying kid that sits at the edge of the pool, dipping their toe in, wondering whether the water is too hot, too cold, too deep, too BLUE! All the while the other kids are swimming away happily.

You have the condition of doubt. If you want it to go, stop making it stronger by encouraging the doubt. Sure, a cat made you feel this way, but other situations would have too. You're just in an unfavourable state right now.

Start to encourage faith, start to encourage assurance. You made a decision to get a cat, so keep the cat. End of mental discussion. If you make a decision to get milkshake tomorrow, get milkshake. Don't sit thinking, 'but I could get fat, it's a long drive, etc.' That won't serve you. At all.

Less mind. More peace.

[homebird]

I have a cat. My wife brought it home in a snowstorm as a kitten

She just stares at me making me think I'm a bigger idiot than I believe I am

I sense she resents me because I have thumbs and she doesn't.

I probably mess with her too much because she can't open a bottle of water

Ha! Bummer. ;)

[homebird]

I think you're over thinking things way too much, which, is extremely normal when you have anxiety. But this habit won't serve you well.



Ding, ding, ding! You hit the nail on the head. :) My hubby always tells me to stop thinking so much.

[homebird]

BTW - the past two days have been much better. The kitty's health issues seem to be leveling out, and she is much friendlier. I spend the evenings after my kids go to bed with her in my lap purring and head-butting me. She's very sweet.

[Im-Suffering]

BTW - the past two days have been magical.

Quote fixed. Your experience is a lesson in decisions. For anxiety stops when a decision is made and the problems do not lead to doubt, worry and so forth. Making a firm decision you change probable events in the universe to those physically experienced.

You get what you expect. You have settled (made a decision)thus the animal has responded favorably. We said in the original post, you can reread it, that the cat was for you. What a special creature you have attracted. She will be therapeutic, and become a consistant reminder of the natural love and grace in yourself, you see. That is the purpose. Each family member will receive a different gift as far as personal experience with her, and that's the way it goes, magical.

By being utterly herself, she changes the world. Let that be a lesson in unique gifts you have to offer, should you return to yourself.



Peace (continue) to be with you.

End of messages to you, we see it will all work out.

[Steven Miller]

I think you're over thinking things way too much, which, is extremely normal when you have anxiety. But this habit won't serve you well.
Ding, ding, ding! You hit the nail on the head. My hubby always tells me to stop thinking so much.

The "I need to think less" is not a solution. You didn't think less about your cat, you thought smarter. You asked people for advice and you really thought about the issue. You thought about the challenges and you focused on the benefits. Don't forget what worked. Thinking too much is a symptom, it is not the cause of anxiety. After you put practice into thinking clearly about issues regarding anxiety, you will have to think less and less, because you will be better at it. But it is not the quantity of thinking that is the problem, it is the quality. People with anxiety need better thinking, not less.

[brittney3255]

I totally get this scenario! I always wanted a pet when I moved out on my own. knowing a cat or dog wasn't possible in my rental, I decided I wanted a pet rat. I know its not the most normal pet. I did research for a year before getting them!! I knew all one could know and was completely prepared. Going to pick them up I was sooo excited. The second I got them home and put them into the cage I regretted getting them. All of a sudden I was worried about hypothetical situations that they could complicate. Things change, schedules are altered as we try to fit them into our worlds. I think it's in our nature as anxious folks to feel unsettled bringing new things into our lives. But the plus side is it gets better. Once you figure a new routine then it gets so much better. After a few weeks I was in love with my little boys and enjoyed having them soo much! Even knowing my experience with this, I still had a hard time bringing a new pet into my home but at least now I know that it WILL get better with time.

[homebird]

Wanted to update again. It's been almost three weeks since we brought the kitty (my daughter has named Pearl) home and things are going so well. Since we got her the appropriate medical attention she has really perked up. Even her fur is fluffier! She is so sweet and loving, and the family is in love with her. She loves to sit in your lap and "knead" and purr.

I appreciate the words of encouragement. I needed that push to keep trying and not give up (and give in to the anxiety). It has been a big boost for me to know that I can work through my anxiety, and that it doesn't have to control my life. I'm hoping now that I have worked through this "little" situation, it will help me when I have to face "bigger" anxiety-inducing situations.

And for fun, I leave you with some photos. :)

1452145314541455

[Im-Suffering]

Wanted to update again. It's been almost three weeks since we brought the kitty (my daughter has named Pearl) home and things are going so well. Since we got her the appropriate medical attention she has really perked up. Even her fur is fluffier! She is so sweet and loving, and the family is in love with her. She loves to sit in your lap and "knead" and purr.

I appreciate the words of encouragement. I needed that push to keep trying and not give up (and give in to the anxiety). It has been a big boost for me to know that I can work through my anxiety, and that it doesn't have to control my life. I'm hoping now that I have worked through this "little" situation, it will help me when I have to face "bigger" anxiety-inducing situations.

And for fun, I leave you with some photos. :)

1452145314541455

Take special note of the way you constructively solved these problems. Whenever anxiety creeps up, it is a mental or psychological problem you have not faced. Instead of then giving energies over to symptoms, tackle the problem that generated the symptoms, and the symptoms will go away. Do you understand?

To all readers: that is why anxiety is so illusive, it would seem you are fighting the air, until you find and resolve the problems you have been hiding from.

That's all I have for you, remember that. Wonderful pics, congrats.