Suffering with anxiety in silence??

[lizzy]

i feel uncomfortable talking about my feelings to my friends/family, so i've come to this forum for support/advice/help.

I'm 14 yrs old and i think i've developed anxiety in the past 3/4 years? I've written what's happened in that time space down below and if anyone could read it all and give me some advice or help i would be very greatful!

I started feeling an overwhelming feeling of despair and dread when i was about to go to high school. The prospect of going to a new bigger school was scary for everyone, but i seemed to be more worried than my peers so i felt weird. i've never liked being out of my comfort zone and i don't know if that adds to my 'anxiety'. The first morning before high school i experienced immense feelings of dread, so bad that i felt dizzy to the point of fainting and vomited at least 5 times in the space of an hour!? I'd never felt this way before, it was honestly the worst thing i'd ever experienced, which only added to my worry.

This became a kind of 'routine' for the next 3 weeks i would vomit in the mornings purely because i was worried about how the day would go. when the holidays were ending this horrible feeling would creep up on me and continue to make me feel stressed. Before any kind of special event or day out with school it would constantly be on my mind.If anyone invited me round to sleep over or go out for the day even my closest friends, i would worry that i would worry (does that make sense) and ruin the day.

Before flying i worry terribly and vomit in the airports and the stress of going through security and carrying my luggage etc is too much for me, aswell as knowing i was going to land somewhere unknown. if i'm invited somewhere without my family/close friends i worry about what is going to happen during the day as i'm around people i don't know well and think about worst case scenarios like 'i could get excluded'?

I feel pathetic that the slightest annoying/upsetting/uncomfortable thing makes me vomit. I feel like it's stopping me from enjoying myself. sometimes at night these thoughts replay in my head and i worry about my future. Once i've stressed for no reason i get into a cycle, i take precautions not to go anywhere unknown etc to stop myself from being uncomfortable. I sometimes think about my friends and wonder if they like me or if i have enough, i always think worst case scenario.

When i say 'vomit' i also mean horrible feelings of despair, shortness of breath dizziness etc, it always ends in vomiting, is this classed as a panic attack? Whenever i try to speak to my parents about it they say i'm being silly?

my gcse exams are coming up soon and i don't know how i'm going to control this feeling, as these exams are so important, and after that i'm moving to college. So two big steps at once, which i have no idea how i'm going to get through with my mental health being as f**ked up as it is. When I'm in my room i sometimes feel so alone that thinking about my life makes me feel this 'dread'.

I feel isolated with this problem as a girl in my school is diagnosed with anxiety and everyone respects it while i suffer in silence? Do i have anxiety? What is wrong with me? Do i go to a doctor? How do i stop feeling like this?

I hope someone takes the time to read this and reach out to me, thankyou. :))))

[Kixxi]

Hi Lizzy,

It's quite normal that you feel that way. A lot of people with anxiety feel ashamed of their condition, especially when they live in an environment where nobody suffers the same. But you will find understanding here and you will get better one step at a time. A few things from your post I recognize. Like when you said that you feel pathetic because the slightest thing sets it off. It is not pathetic though, you're just having a stress reaction. Everybody deals with it differently. And worrying about it or trying to fight it usually makes it a lot worse to.

I also recognized some avoidance behaviour. I should clarify that I'm an agoraphobic, currently getting treatment and slowly getting better. But I started to avoid places that I didn't know, then I started to get attacks in familiar places and in the end I even got them at home. The problem for most people with anxiety is their own thinking. Once you have a negative thinking cycle, there is no stopping a panic attack or anxiety. A good thing to remember is that those feeling can be so uncomfortable and annoying, but they will pass eventually. And trust me, I know sometimes it is really hard. When I get an attack in, let's say a supermarket, all I can think is "get out now" or "I'm going to faint". Sadly it is these thoughts that feed our anxiety and make it worse. Avoiding situations will also feed that fear.

I seen in your post that you are under quite a bit of stress. This could be causing these feelings. I would consult a doctor just to discuss your options. He or she could point out a good CBT therapist and give you a general check-up. I do have to warn you, don't stop trying to go out and live your life. I did this to often and made it a lot worse in the process. Also, I notice that you're so hard on yourself. You are really brave and shouldn't talk to yourself like that. Be proud that you made the first step and come into this forum. Negative thoughts can really mess with you and give you horrible symptoms.

ImSuffering has posted some really good things on negative thinking, so it might be worth looking at some of his posts, even if we don't always agree on things ;) But he does make some really good points. With anxiety it is your mind that limits you unfortunately. But you can beat it. You don't have to suffer in silence and you'll always find someone listening here.

[lizzy]

thankyou! I'll definitely make sure to go to the doctor, and I will check out Imsuffering's posts. I'll try not to be so hard on myself, especially when I'm stressed! :-) Thanks for taking the time to read and give a detailed anwser, and knowing there are people here to listen means a hell of alot x

[gypsylee]

I can relate to all of this. I don't have anything to add because I'm having a bad day myself, just wanted to let you know you aren't alone in feeling this way.

Gypsy x