NewDad1985
08-23-2014, 10:31 AM
Hi gang, my name's Nick and I'm an anxious mess.
My anxiety REALLY began last year. My Grandmother passed away the night before my brother's wedding. The mix of emotions that weekend wore me out, and I believe that is what triggered the first of MANY panic attacks.
After doctor visits, two ER stops, a heart monitor and regular appointments with a therapist, I was put on Lexapro.
The next few months were pretty good. General anxiety, but NO panic attacks.
In February, we found out my wife was pregnant. We had been trying for more than a year and were starting to lose hope. In the midst of that excitement, I lost my job that very week.
Highs and lows.
This began a winding and confusing spiral for me. In retrospect, losing that job was the best thing that could have happened to me. I was overworked, underpaid and it was a major source of my depression and anxiety. I spent my time off remodeling a baby room. Things were good, considering the circumstances.
But being home made it easy for me to drink. Beer after lunch? Sure. A six pack mid-afternoon? Why not! Another ten cans that evening? I don't have anywhere to be!
This was lazy, careless and selfish. But it killed my anxiety. I couldn't feel my heartbeat! I could sleep at night!
In July, I lost a relative to suicide. He was depressed, anxious and a drinker. His medicine wasn't working for him. He was overworked. He left behind a family.
I stopped taking my medicine. And I drank more. Every day. And my panic attacks came back. I was afraid of how I felt. I was afraid of my wife's pregnancy. I was terrified tragedy was going to knock me on my ass again. I could't handle any more. So I drank.
This came to a head last week. I was having freak outs every day. I felt horrible. I'd had enough. I started my medicine again. I quit drinking. I changed my entire mindset about how I should go about my life on a daily basis. It's just the beginning for me. But I'm ready.
Thanks for reading my little story. Any comments or complaints are welcome.
-N
My anxiety REALLY began last year. My Grandmother passed away the night before my brother's wedding. The mix of emotions that weekend wore me out, and I believe that is what triggered the first of MANY panic attacks.
After doctor visits, two ER stops, a heart monitor and regular appointments with a therapist, I was put on Lexapro.
The next few months were pretty good. General anxiety, but NO panic attacks.
In February, we found out my wife was pregnant. We had been trying for more than a year and were starting to lose hope. In the midst of that excitement, I lost my job that very week.
Highs and lows.
This began a winding and confusing spiral for me. In retrospect, losing that job was the best thing that could have happened to me. I was overworked, underpaid and it was a major source of my depression and anxiety. I spent my time off remodeling a baby room. Things were good, considering the circumstances.
But being home made it easy for me to drink. Beer after lunch? Sure. A six pack mid-afternoon? Why not! Another ten cans that evening? I don't have anywhere to be!
This was lazy, careless and selfish. But it killed my anxiety. I couldn't feel my heartbeat! I could sleep at night!
In July, I lost a relative to suicide. He was depressed, anxious and a drinker. His medicine wasn't working for him. He was overworked. He left behind a family.
I stopped taking my medicine. And I drank more. Every day. And my panic attacks came back. I was afraid of how I felt. I was afraid of my wife's pregnancy. I was terrified tragedy was going to knock me on my ass again. I could't handle any more. So I drank.
This came to a head last week. I was having freak outs every day. I felt horrible. I'd had enough. I started my medicine again. I quit drinking. I changed my entire mindset about how I should go about my life on a daily basis. It's just the beginning for me. But I'm ready.
Thanks for reading my little story. Any comments or complaints are welcome.
-N