From happy and pretty relaxed to broken

[Jrp]

Hello, new member here. I guess I'm just looking for some answers. I'm 31, have always been a happy and fairly relaxed guy although i do have a history of fearing for my health (perhaps irrationally so), and very slight ocd tendancies (nothign crazy but i am slightly ocd in many ways). I am also very addicted to caffeine.

I started a stupid 10 day detox program about 2 weeks ago and followed it to the T. I lost some weight and it really wasnt all too hard but i was happy when it ended, ate a small meal and probably didnt get enough food that first non-detox day (Monday). I started feeling weak and ..from here all went to hell.

I just freaked out about the weakness, started feeling dizzy and immediately hobbled downstairs and sat in the shower telling my gf that i think im going to die. It was probably the worst or one of the worst experiences ive ever had (so bad i cant even really remember WHY it was so bad). I have no idea why i freaked out so damn bad. Ive felt strange before and just ignored it, or laid down. This time i went apes***. My symptoms seem to fit what ive been reading about panic attacks: thinking im having a heart attack, hyperventilating, and strangely and incredibly unnerving: the sensation of losing control over my body. Not being able to swallow or control my hands for instance. This lasted for a long time (2 hours or so), and continued to a lesser extent throughout the rest of the day.

Since then I have been locked in a constant state of fear and.. i dont even know how to explain it? I feel almost like the episode caused some form of PTSD mixed with constant (perceived?) symptoms of real physiological illness which is feeding back into the fear, creating some horrible positive feedback loop. Ive had 2 minor panic attacks since then (not nearly as bad as the first), but i feel like CRAP all day, and keep finding reasons to think i have a damn brain tumor. My concentration is shot and I find myself drifting off and losing focus of what im looking at. Every now and then i find myself close to being back in that state of panic (but usually fight it off). I have stopped drinking caffeine as it seems, from the limited time ive been dealing with this, to make everything worse and cause actual attacks. However, the withdrawal symptoms (which can be worse then some think), arent exactly helping my fear of there being something wrong with me lol

I guess i dont know what im even asking here. I just feel worse then i think i ever have in my life and am looking whether or not this fits the anxiety disorder bill. Im pretty sure that first episode was some unexplained panic attack (maybe brought on by the stupid detox diet thing). I'm just wondering if the aftereffects of panic attacks often lead to what im experiencing now? Going to a doctor isnt really an option, but I'd at least like to know if what im experiencing is common after a panic attack.

Thanks for reading in any case.

edit: sorry if this reads like crap, im not exactly in a very good writing frame of mind heh. If you have any questions please ask

edit again: im also experiencing slight separation anxiety when my gf leaves for work.. this is something ive never had with any person before. My guess is that im just scared something is going to happen and ill be alone when it does. Makes sense i guess but again, its new to me. All of this is within the course of a few days. very strange. meh

[NixonRulz]

Wow. I'm not detoxing after adding this

But that's probably not what happened

You just have an anxiety disorder.

What you are explaining sounds pretty typical

And you are feeling anxious/panicky about feeling anxious/panicky

Your mind associates your gf leaving or detoxing with fear.

You've made the association so your mind reacts in fear when those thoughts come up

It just sucks

Lots of good advice and insight here

This can be overcome

[Ahlstrom]

I think Nixon hit it on the head, I'm going to say that the detox didn't do anything.

Is this your first time having a panic attack or anxiety that can be considered out of the ordinary? I had a similar experience when my anxiety disorder first developed. Your mind is still shocked from what happened and it will need time to cool off. After my similar episode it took me maybe 2 or 3 months for things to go back to normal, but rest assured that you will feel better after a while since time heals it greatly, it's completely possible that you were genetically predisposed and born with an anxiety disorder and it's only now surfacing. Try and find a way to get yourself out of the emotional state you're in. For me I was panicking every night and depressed during the day, but I moved out onto my grandfather's ranch and worked 12 hours a day for a year in the Sun, this greatly helped me. Find whatever will break the chain of your thoughts and worry, whether it be excercise, video games, drugs, God, etc.

Just stick it out until it either resolves itself or you resolve it. I know it sucks, I'm in a similar boat after moving back to the city and having no job, after a year of a normal anxiety free life it's come to bite me in the ass again.