Hving a hard time accepting anxiety symptoms as what they are...

[jeager79]

HI,
My name is Jesse. I have been dealing with nervous illness or (Generalized anxiety disorder) and depression for over 10 years. However when it first hit me I was scared and in and out of the ER several times. After a couple months of having medication thrown at me and experiencing some of the worst medication side effects I said #uck it and tossed them all and after a couple months I was back to my old self. Now for the next several years to follow I was enjoying life every day and probably had only a hand full of anxiety/panic attacks that never really got to me because some how it just didn't trigger the whole (omg.. when/what if it happens again) feeling of worry. now fast forward to late 2012 and one day after a great night out with friends I found my self the next morning with a slight hangover but nothing bad that I haven't shook off before. But something happened.. I started feeling hot, tingly, my heart rate went up, breathing became harder and after a few minutes I realized I was having a panic attack. I couldn't shake it. I knew I needed something and I was taken to the ER and given Ativan. Of course after a few minutes I was fine. Something I knew from my past, that these only last a short while. But the strange thing is, that I started the worry! for the next few months I struggled daily with up to 5 or more panic attacks a day. I was loosing control. Work became impossible and I was up to 3-4mg of Ativan a day. So eventually I took FMLA and took a few months off thinking that would help. FALSE I then became agoraphobic and couldn't leave the house or be alone. Worst decision I ever made. I was started on anti-depressants and continued Ativan during that time and when FMLA was up I went to try and return to work only to be laid off. SO now I was jobless drugged up and never leaving my house. I finally with help from family/friends I got how medication for the most part and switched my Ativan to Klonopin and got my dose down to .5 mg a day and after a few months I found a new job and struggled for awhile but pushed through it.

Now.. a year later I am still working however the daily anxiety has slowly been getting worse. I have been on this benzo for almost 2 years and ant-depressants are a no go for me. tried them all and the docs agree I need to stay clear from them. I barely make it through the day and when I get home im pale light headed from being so on edge and fighting anxiety I just lay in my chair and don't move.

What I feel everday:

insomnia 4-5 hrs a night
constantly on edge ( high sense of alertness)
feel like a cant get a full deep breath
muscle twitches
brain fog
light headed
wobbly legs
feel like I slurr sometime
cold hands feet
vision gets instance sometimes blurry
tension
neck upper back soreness
tight chest
frequent urination ( I do drink a lot of water though)
ibs
more to list but I don't wanna keep running on and on


So my doctors yes I say doctors have run so many test and I have run up an incredible amount of medical bills but they say im fine and everything looks good and im told it Generalized anxiety disorder with depression.

Im sitting hear righting this beause im alone and that's the hardest part for me.

IM JUST HAVING A HARD TIME ACCEPTING THIS FOR WHAT IT IS!

And I believe the long term use of Ativan and klonopin may be contributing to my symptoms.

ugh.. idk

[snowberry]

I totally feel you. For the last few nights I'm had pins and needles running down the outside of my left hand, as well as a weird sort of electrical twitching between my toes. It's hard to accept it as anxiety...so many of the things I've had to accept over the last year are unreal...and the symptoms keep changing, which is the worst part. As soon as you get used to one symptoms and accept it, another comes along that throws you for a loop.

Judging from your list, I can say that everything sounds exactly like anxiety. I've had wobbly legs, weak muscles, twitches, light-headedness, unable to breathe in properly...you name it, I've had it. It's the worst, but harmless. It can be difficult to accept it but if the doctors have run the tests and everything has come back as normal, there's nothing to worry about. Our bodies react like this because we are on high alert - our nerves are more sensitive because we're constantly expecting a 'threat' to materialise. We are also more aware of our bodies and 'sensations' than most other people.

I find yoga, meditation and a touch of CBT help me out a lot, but whatever happens, never doubt the resilience of the human spirit. I created a thread on here a few months ago when I was writing my final paper for my degree. My muscles had gone so stiff with anxiety I could barely type! I was almost in tears. Thankfully, with some encouragement, I got through it, and I go to my graduation ceremony next month.

So please accept the diagnosis and carry on with your life! Don't let anxiety rob you of the good things in life. Check out the anxiety symptoms list at the top of this forum. Good luck!

[gypsylee]

Hey there,

I was on Benzodiazepines on and off for about 20 years. They definitely make anxiety worse in the long-term.

I try to just stick to SSRIs now (Lexapro at the moment). Benzos are awesome for anxiety short-term but they become a nightmare pretty quickly.

Hang in there..
Gypsy

[Lilac]

Dear jaeger,

I know very well how you feel - I have GAD and health anixety, and all sorts of symptoms. And like snowberry says here; they keep changing, that is the weird thing. But what you describe looks very much like anxiety, and I have had all of them myself. But talk to me about twitches; I have them 24/7. Muscle twitches in my legs and feet are most prominent, but they can jump from my calves, to my thighs, feet, arms, hands, forehead, eyelid, eyebrow, lips, cheek, jaw, neck, abdomen, stomach, near my shoulder blades.... Pretty much in every muscle on my body. My health anxiety started BECAUSE of the twitches, and long story short, I have been to the doctors 16 times in three months, two of whom were specialized neurologists. I did basic tests and EMG/NCV and apparently I am in perfect health seen from a neruological point of view. All the doctors have the same conclusion: severe anxiety which maintains the twitching. The twitching itself came after I ran a relay race and overdid it - apparently I shocked my body (I don't usually exercise, and have been struggling with an eating disrorder). It is believed that if I can finally start to relax and stop caring so much about my twitches, they will sooner or later disappear. But it's hard. I too have insomnia and other symptoms now, because of this anxiety. I'm so tired of this, and just want the twitches to go away. The more I think about them, the worse they get.

Other symptoms include:
Light headed
Depersonalization
Wobbly and heavy legs
Pins and needles in my body, especially down my spine (for some odd reason) and my calves when I go to bed
Tingling sensations, most frequently around bedtime
Rapid heartbeat
Tension
Shivers
Stiff back and neck
Muscle pain
Sometimes headache, but rarely
Blurry vision
Globus sensation in my throat, and the feeling of not being able to breathe properly
Small tremors
Myoclonus, especially when I go to bed. This is normal with most people, but they get worse and won't go away if I've had a long and very, very stressful day. Hence most of my insomnia

There are more symptoms, but these are the most frequent ones. Also during my attacks, I think of death and suicide, because I feel so horrified I just want to end everything (do not have suicidal thoughts in general). My anxiety is also worse during the evening.

I hope this was a little bit comforting. I think everyone in here can relate to your feelings and symptoms, and we all have one or two symptoms that are more prominent than others. But like you, I have a hard time accepting these are just psychosomatic and not pure somatic conditions, especially since my health anxiety was caused by the twitches and not the other way around. But I guess it's true what snowberry says: we have sensitive nerves because we are always in the "fight or flight" mode, and our bodies produce and release an enormous amount of the stress hormone cortisol all day long. So even if we do manage to relax, it takes time for the body to adjust. I think the answers are more simple than we think, or want to believe?

[Xerosnake90]

You've ran multiple tests over the years. There is no clearer indication towards your physical health other than that. Fear is your problem and that is what has taken hold. You simply fear the negative associated with your condition so much that it makes you believe anxiety can't be the answer. Or you want more " concrete" proof. I'm writing quite a post right now in regards to moving forward. The point to understand here is that you have all the proof you need to accept you're an anxious person . Accepting this info in itself will help you greatly. You can do it!

[snowberry]

Lilac and Xerosnake make good points. Also I think what doesn't help is that many people think of it as 'just' anxiety - a feeling of apprehension or worry, fear of a future event. When anxiety is taken by that definition, it seems so trivial. How could something as trivial as feeling apprehensive cause all these things? It seems mind-boggling.

But clinical anxiety is an entirely different beast. 'Anxiety' is really too poor a name for what we have, which is a disorder of the nerves (although not a permanently harmful one).

Right now I'm getting numb patches around my mouth on-and-off, cramp and numbness in feet, terrible heat in my chest right by my heart, searing heat on the back of my neck. There is no such thing as 'just' anxiety! The symptoms, while ultimately harmless, can really take their toll.

[Xerosnake90]

We must NOT empower anxiety by building up to be bigger than what it is. That's how it became the way it is. Anxiety is a constant worry of fear, doubt, so much to the point that the mind is unable to get a break from it. By constantly focusing on our symptoms we only allow them to thrive.

We all have a mission and a journey when it comes to beating anxiety. I've felt the symptoms, they've ruled my life. We need not accredit and validate an idea to understand the severity and the result. I know it's tough to understand but part of the path is not to understand you're not the only one going through this. No one has had a tougher journey, and all we can do is stand together not attempt to see who can "lift more".

[snowberry]

I wasn't trying to empower anxiety - only ruminate as to why it's often so hard for people to believe that their symptoms are caused by anxiety. The word itself suggests only a brief emotional period of apprehension, when clearly it is more than that. The physical symptoms are harmless, of course, but they CAN cause a lot of frustration and worry. It's important for the OP to know that because they feel that their symptoms are too severe to be 'just' anxiety.

[Aloneandhandsome]

I wasn't trying to empower anxiety - only ruminate as to why it's often so hard for people to believe that their symptoms are caused by anxiety. The word itself suggests only a brief emotional period of apprehension, when clearly it is more than that. The physical symptoms are harmless, of course, but they CAN cause a lot of frustration and worry. It's important for the OP to know that because they feel that their symptoms are too severe to be 'just' anxiety.

Yeah the brain controls everything. If you screw with the engine of the car it effects everything in the body.

Naturally the best and only way to beat anxiety is to accept it. The day you accept it is the day it becomes powerless.

Courage > acceptance > disappearance