Darien Pourmehr
08-21-2014, 02:24 PM
Hey everyone. I'm 21 years old and have been with my girlfriend for 5 months.
When myself and her first started dating, it was great. As in the first month of our relationship was pretty easy to not get worried about anything. I also warned her a bit that I can get pretty emotional, which at the time I didn't exactly have a name for the emotions and the mentality of my mind. Month 2 I started getting extremely stressed out, worried, paranoid, and emotional. I've learned about her preferences of guy friends rather than girl friends, with her reason being that guys are less dramatic. I accepted that, and really promised her to relax my mind on it all, and figure something out. Sometime during month 2 to 3 I visited a psychiatrist for the first time. She diagnosed me with anxiety, and gave me some tips here and there. Months 3, 4, and 5 included many down moments of extreme anxiety about getting worried with her and guys. Her best friend is a guy, who works with her now, and who she likes to hang out with from time to time, and is okay hanging out with him in private, when I'm not there. She says the way they hang out is at his house where he plays video games, and she sits on the couch and watches tv/anime or something. They might go shopping together or to a movie once in a while. I've met him, and have become a bit better of friends with him, yet there is still a bit of anxiety that plays around in me (a bit meaning my stomach sinks, and my heart beats a bit faster), everytime I hear his name, or hear that she was hanging out with him.
She recently started this job, and at this work there is a guy there who is single, who she didn't know before, who is also flirty to a fault, and as she says, "a charmer". I've visited her work on occasions, and even while I'm there, he is flirting with her, and I think she flirts with him back. She openly admitted that she flirts with him too...which really killed me inside, but she said it in a way that explained t ome that her character is very out-going and she doesn't necessarily know if she is flirting with someone. The past few weeks have been kinda farsh for me, mentally, as I haven't been able to shake any thoughts of paranoia concerning him, (her leaving me for him, not wanting to be with me incase he is better than me, and thoughts, well more like scenes, of pictures in my head of him and her that really aren't appropriate, and are pictures I don't want to create).
Throughout the past 5 months, I've gotten worried about several guys. maybe 7 to 10 of them. Some were kind of my friends, some her friends. But it really doesn't matter if we name each guy...it's always the same. She mentions a guy, my stomach sinks and my heart races, my mind races with pictures, bad thoughts, really bad thoughts, I attempt to confront her about it, and when I say confront I mean just try to talk it out of my mind with her, but I'm extremely emotional. My mind gets the best of me a lot, so I break down, intensely, too intensely, she get's sad, we both find a way to calm down, then we just act like we love eachother a lot and it's all better! Mind you this takes place in the middle of the night usually.
I always wake up feeling great. Get dressed, get ready for work, and call her in the morning to say good morning, and it's awesome. Maybe that is where anxiety triggers start making sense in this stuff...like I said, it's only when she mention's a guy...which in this case, since she has more guys friends than not, and she works primarily with guys, it happens a lot.
When there isn't any anxiety, or when nothing triggers my anxiety, I can think very logically and straight. I don't worry at all. When something triggers it, I go crazy internally, and it just ends up horrible for me.
She does a lot to reassure me. She always sits there on skype and listens to everything I have to say, even if it is the hardest thing to listen to. I see her body language, and her reactions to what I say, and I know it really kills her too. There have been many times where I could not fathom how she hadn't left me, as I know people with anxiety, or at least extreme cases of it, really struggle with keeping a relationship.
One thing to add here is that when we are together, it is very hard for my anxiety to be triggered. We really like being next to each other, and it is hard to worry when all those feelings are there, right next to me.
I have talked to many different people about this. My parents always remind me that my priorities should be school. My sister tells me she relates to her, and when she was in college, her boyfriend (now her husband) let her figure it out on her own, and I guess she did (but they broke up, and her now-husband followed her into another state to get her back). A lot of my friends tell me straight up not to worry, but they don't really explain certain things like I feel like I need. Anyone can say "don't worry", but it never really helps. I've talked to a few of her friends too. Some say it's cute and it means I love her, which I kind of agree with. I don't think these feelings would be so strong if I didn't feel so strongly about her, but I also don't think that love is an excuse to let anxiety ring. Some of her friends just do more of the whole "don't worry" thing. I've talked to her best friend a few times too, and he kind of reassures me more, but still nothing detailed, and talking to him really doesn't unnerve my paranoia sometimes, as it sometimes just triggers everything again. My psychiatrist has told me a few things, but she wasn't really a counselor, so I don't think it was very helpful.
I've tried to schedule a counseling appointment a few times, 3 times actually...but for some reason they always got cancelled, sometimes because of something I did, or she had to reschedule.
I am fully aware of the fact that I have this problem. I hate it very much, and wish it was easy to solve. I know there are other people with anxiety, and that there are different kinds of classifications of it...I really don't know as much as I'd like to...I do a lot of research on it everyday to find something to click my head out of this emotional turmoil.
I really love her.
I could really use help.
When myself and her first started dating, it was great. As in the first month of our relationship was pretty easy to not get worried about anything. I also warned her a bit that I can get pretty emotional, which at the time I didn't exactly have a name for the emotions and the mentality of my mind. Month 2 I started getting extremely stressed out, worried, paranoid, and emotional. I've learned about her preferences of guy friends rather than girl friends, with her reason being that guys are less dramatic. I accepted that, and really promised her to relax my mind on it all, and figure something out. Sometime during month 2 to 3 I visited a psychiatrist for the first time. She diagnosed me with anxiety, and gave me some tips here and there. Months 3, 4, and 5 included many down moments of extreme anxiety about getting worried with her and guys. Her best friend is a guy, who works with her now, and who she likes to hang out with from time to time, and is okay hanging out with him in private, when I'm not there. She says the way they hang out is at his house where he plays video games, and she sits on the couch and watches tv/anime or something. They might go shopping together or to a movie once in a while. I've met him, and have become a bit better of friends with him, yet there is still a bit of anxiety that plays around in me (a bit meaning my stomach sinks, and my heart beats a bit faster), everytime I hear his name, or hear that she was hanging out with him.
She recently started this job, and at this work there is a guy there who is single, who she didn't know before, who is also flirty to a fault, and as she says, "a charmer". I've visited her work on occasions, and even while I'm there, he is flirting with her, and I think she flirts with him back. She openly admitted that she flirts with him too...which really killed me inside, but she said it in a way that explained t ome that her character is very out-going and she doesn't necessarily know if she is flirting with someone. The past few weeks have been kinda farsh for me, mentally, as I haven't been able to shake any thoughts of paranoia concerning him, (her leaving me for him, not wanting to be with me incase he is better than me, and thoughts, well more like scenes, of pictures in my head of him and her that really aren't appropriate, and are pictures I don't want to create).
Throughout the past 5 months, I've gotten worried about several guys. maybe 7 to 10 of them. Some were kind of my friends, some her friends. But it really doesn't matter if we name each guy...it's always the same. She mentions a guy, my stomach sinks and my heart races, my mind races with pictures, bad thoughts, really bad thoughts, I attempt to confront her about it, and when I say confront I mean just try to talk it out of my mind with her, but I'm extremely emotional. My mind gets the best of me a lot, so I break down, intensely, too intensely, she get's sad, we both find a way to calm down, then we just act like we love eachother a lot and it's all better! Mind you this takes place in the middle of the night usually.
I always wake up feeling great. Get dressed, get ready for work, and call her in the morning to say good morning, and it's awesome. Maybe that is where anxiety triggers start making sense in this stuff...like I said, it's only when she mention's a guy...which in this case, since she has more guys friends than not, and she works primarily with guys, it happens a lot.
When there isn't any anxiety, or when nothing triggers my anxiety, I can think very logically and straight. I don't worry at all. When something triggers it, I go crazy internally, and it just ends up horrible for me.
She does a lot to reassure me. She always sits there on skype and listens to everything I have to say, even if it is the hardest thing to listen to. I see her body language, and her reactions to what I say, and I know it really kills her too. There have been many times where I could not fathom how she hadn't left me, as I know people with anxiety, or at least extreme cases of it, really struggle with keeping a relationship.
One thing to add here is that when we are together, it is very hard for my anxiety to be triggered. We really like being next to each other, and it is hard to worry when all those feelings are there, right next to me.
I have talked to many different people about this. My parents always remind me that my priorities should be school. My sister tells me she relates to her, and when she was in college, her boyfriend (now her husband) let her figure it out on her own, and I guess she did (but they broke up, and her now-husband followed her into another state to get her back). A lot of my friends tell me straight up not to worry, but they don't really explain certain things like I feel like I need. Anyone can say "don't worry", but it never really helps. I've talked to a few of her friends too. Some say it's cute and it means I love her, which I kind of agree with. I don't think these feelings would be so strong if I didn't feel so strongly about her, but I also don't think that love is an excuse to let anxiety ring. Some of her friends just do more of the whole "don't worry" thing. I've talked to her best friend a few times too, and he kind of reassures me more, but still nothing detailed, and talking to him really doesn't unnerve my paranoia sometimes, as it sometimes just triggers everything again. My psychiatrist has told me a few things, but she wasn't really a counselor, so I don't think it was very helpful.
I've tried to schedule a counseling appointment a few times, 3 times actually...but for some reason they always got cancelled, sometimes because of something I did, or she had to reschedule.
I am fully aware of the fact that I have this problem. I hate it very much, and wish it was easy to solve. I know there are other people with anxiety, and that there are different kinds of classifications of it...I really don't know as much as I'd like to...I do a lot of research on it everyday to find something to click my head out of this emotional turmoil.
I really love her.
I could really use help.