It's a damn CURSE!

[Lilac]

Apologies for the headline.

I had finally become able to distance myself from my severe ALS-anxiety. It is still there, mostly because my muscle twitches still won't go away. They are there all the time. Still, I have had them for three months on and off, and no other symptoms like severe weakness or muscle atrophy (I think my non-dominant left arm is way smaller than my right, but I understand it has always been like that and try to accept it).

I suddenly noticed something going on online, on Facebook and in Norwegian news papers: Ice bucket challenge. "What is this", I thought. I read about it, and the horror hit me like the biggest, hardest slap in my face ever: ALS. People are doing this challenge to raise awareness around ALS, and it all started with a 27-YEAR-OLD man who was diagnosed with ALS two years ago. 27 years old. According to statistics it should be impossible. I am 25.

I know this sounds crazy, but this disease is following me. I am getting extremely paranoid. ALS is a rare disease, few know much about it. Now that I have been walking around for three months worrying about ALS, everyone is suddenly speaking of it like it was something you can catch like a cold! Like it is there just around the corner waiting for you (me).

I feel awful for thinking this way, instead of actually be one of those who work to raise awareness, do charity, so that we could one day find a cure for this horrifying disease. Here I am, most likely in perfectly good health, spending all my time and energy worrying about it, instead of living my life like ALS patients can't do!! Trust me, I feel so bad for this, I have nothing to complain about. In reality, I know that.

But I can't help it. I see ALS everywhere. I analyze people around me, both healthy and those who are not. I try... God knows I'm trying my hardest to sort my thoughts and my anxiety, but then I get reminded of ALS by the whole (social) media, and my fear is now bigger than ever. I ask WHY?! No one knows about it, and all of a sudden everyone speaks of it, just when I am about to step out of my three month ALS anxiety.

I don't want to read about it. Don't want to hear about it. Don't want to see it. I don't want to know about ALS.

That is how scared I am. But why, why am I so scared of this (rare) disease?

[Im-Suffering]

I had finally become able to distance myself from my severe ALS-anxiety. It is still there, mostly because my muscle twitches still won't go away. They are there all the time. Still, I have had them for three months on and off, and no other symptoms like severe weakness or muscle atrophy (I think my non-dominant left arm is way smaller than my right, but I understand it has always been like that and try to accept it).

I suddenly noticed something going on online, on Facebook and in Norwegian news papers: Ice bucket challenge. "What is this", I thought. I read about it, and the horror hit me like the biggest, hardest slap in my face ever: ALS. People are doing this challenge to raise awareness around ALS, and it all started with a 27-YEAR-OLD man who was diagnosed with ALS two years ago. 27 years old. According to statistics it should be impossible. I am 25.

I know this sounds crazy, but this disease is following me. I am getting extremely paranoid. ALS is a rare disease, few know much about it. Now that I have been walking around for three months worrying about ALS, everyone is suddenly speaking of it like it was something you can catch like a cold! Like it is there just around the corner waiting for you (me).

I feel awful for thinking this way, instead of actually be one of those who work to raise awareness, do charity, so that we could one day find a cure for this horrifying disease. Here I am, most likely in perfectly good health, spending all my time and energy worrying about it, instead of living my life like ALS patients can't do!! Trust me, I feel so bad for this, I have nothing to complain about. In reality, I know that.

But I can't help it. I see ALS everywhere. I analyze people around me, both healthy and those who are not. I try... God knows I'm trying my hardest to sort my thoughts and my anxiety, but then I get reminded of ALS by the whole (social) media, and my fear is now bigger than ever. I ask WHY?! No one knows about it, and all of a sudden everyone speaks of it, just when I am about to step out of my three month ALS anxiety.

I don't want to read about it. Don't want to hear about it. Don't want to see it. I don't want to know about ALS. Keep it away from me!

That is who scared I am. But why, why am I so scared of this disease? Why not cancer? My heart. Brain tumors. Stroke.

Like attracts like. As has been explained to you in great care and detail. You cannot escape your expectations. You get what you expect, you create your reality. You attract similar thoughts.

With me, do not doubt the effectiveness of a message board on the internet to transmit healing personal advice.

Also do not question why it is one disease over the other, or you might end up with a fear equally as strong of each. You chose what you chose because it matches your nervous system worries more closely, and your google searches have corroborated others in those circumstances.

When will you get it? Really? Go back and reread all of our posts, have firmness of character and decide no matter what, that you will change.

[Lilac]

I understand your reasoning, and I know that like attracts like. But I can't control other people and what they post on Facebook? It came up on my news feed randomly, I did not search for it. When I search in Google specifically for ALS, I understand that every symptom I google might be related to ALS. Because that is what I TRY to find. But this was random. How can this be explained? And I don't ask to be critical: I ask because I want to be educated, and understand even better.

I can't seem to make this decision. I am, as you have explained earlier, indecisive. And I doubt that I can ever change. I need strength, motivation, passion.

[NixonRulz]

Like attracts like. As has been explained to you in great care and detail. You cannot escape your expectations. You get what you expect, you create your reality. You attract similar thoughts.

With me, do not doubt the effectiveness of a message board on the internet to transmit healing personal advice.

Also do not question why it is one disease over the other, or you might end up with a fear equally as strong of each. You chose what you chose because it matches your nervous system worries more closely, and your google searches have corroborated others in those circumstances.

When will you get it? Really? Go back and reread all of our posts, have firmness of character and decide no matter what, that you will change.

I.S. - the more you have posted, the more you have made your posts understandable and not like reading from a philosophy book.

I think people get a much better grasp of what you are saying.

You get it. When your thoughts and reactions to those thoughts change, there is little that anxiety can do to control you.

[Anne1221]

Lilac...your anxiety is controlling you instead of the other way around. What steps have you taken to keep it under control? Do you see a therapist/counselor/doctor? They could help you with this. It's not your fault, but I think if you got some help you might feel better.

[Lilac]

Hi Anne, yes I am seeing a therapist, and we are working on it. He wants me to accept the thoughts and let them come. Not fighting them, not fighting ALS either. He wants me to "observe" myself, and not take my negative thoughts for granted. By observing the thoughts like "Okay, so here I go again. I have ALS again. My brain tells me my arm is atrophied and weak. Very well then". Not argue, not panicking. Just observing. Only then I can let go of the anxiety, he says. I am trapped in my head, aand I need to stop believing everything my brain tells me, because my brain has an explanation for everything. My therapist wants me to step out of my brain, because I spend way too much time in there. And he too, does not want me to push myself by asking "why ALS? Why won't it go away?" because it makes it even harder. It is just about accept. Accepting that these thoughts might come, and observe them when they are there. But don't "buy" them, don't believe in them.

It's just so very, very, very difficult...

Other steps I have taken is just try as hard as I can to shift focus: to do the things that make me happy. Like writing on my Master thesis - I have a great passion for it, because it gives me a sense of accomplishment. It is something good and productive.

I am also focusing on the fact that I really AM healthy, other than my twitching.

But I still manage to trip and fall back in the ALS pond.

[Im-Suffering]

I understand your reasoning, and I know that like attracts like. But I can't control other people and what they post on Facebook? It came up on my news feed randomly, I did not search for it. When I search in Google specifically for ALS, I understand that every symptom I google might be related to ALS. Because that is what I TRY to find. But this was random. How can this be explained? And I don't ask to be critical: I ask because I want to be educated, and understand even better.

I can't seem to make this decision. I am, as you have explained earlier, indecisive. And I doubt that I can ever change. I need strength, motivation, passion.

No my dearest lilac, nothing is random, thoughts are telepathic. Understand that, since they seem to come from nowhere, and you can't find a starting point. At least accept that could be reality, and thus we can make the following statement:

You attracted your Facebook experience.

Every single idea related to your belief will be attracted to you. In this case a person with similar energies by attraction met with you on Facebook. Understand that, please try, and you understand life.

Serendipity. Like magic.

I wish for you to have more love in your life, for love would motivate you to decide and act accordingly. I am hoping for a real love interest to come to you. I see your heart and it could hold so much more.......

Pray for love.

[Im-Suffering]

I.S. - the more you have posted, the more you have made your posts understandable and not like reading from a philosophy book.

I think people get a much better grasp of what you are saying.

You get it. When your thoughts and reactions to those thoughts change, there is little that anxiety can do to control you.

I'm pleased, thanks.

[Lilac]

Thank you, Im-Suffering.