I need to shake this shyness/social anxiety. Any help?

[Luby7193]

Hey there :)
I've always been shy, I used to hide behind my gran's chair at her house so I didn't have to talk to other family members. It's gotten a tiiiiny bit better, but barely anything, I mean I'm still super shy around uncles and aunties and people I shouldn't be shy around. I'm 21 now and people are constantly pointing out how shy and quiet I am and write it in references/reports and things. So anyway, I got onto a PGCE primary teacher training course which starts in two weeks and I just need to shake this shyness. Whenever I'm with new people, or people my age and older, I freeze up, I feel like my words get stuck in my throat and all I can do is smile and I often can't say what I want to, plus I often blush and my heart races and I get all sweaty. I, in general, probably look like a complete freak, I just get really panicky and want to be alone. Obviously as a teacher I have to work with other people and be somewhat confident and I have lots of confident friends who can get jobs at the drop of a hat and talk to guys and make new friends so easily, whereas I find it all so hard to do.

Does anyone have any advice on how to be less shy and more confident, or maybe how you overcame social anxiety or something. It'd be so helpful, I just can;t be so horribly shy and anxious any more, I want to make new friends and do well on my course. Thank you :)

[starsky100]

I had a friend who used to be really shy, what help her was introducing herself first as confidently as she could from the off. it kind of set the tone and also made her realise it was completely normal. She also would try to ask questions.. where id you study, how long have you worked at.. etc and try to identify. At first she found it hard and a real effort but similar questions would always come back and before you know it a conversation had started :)

[MaloryR.]

Hi there, Luby7193 :) I understand that feeling of being uncomfortable around people, whether they be family or strangers. I'm sorry you're struggling with it now. I can tell you what has helped me the most in my own efforts to overcome shyness since I faced much the same thing, but I have to warn you: you're not going to want to hear it. What's helped me more than anything is "practicing." This is when you actively seek out the situations that make you uncomfortable and face them head-on. For instance, I used to get horrible stomach aches before calling my grandparents in North Carolina because I always worried I would have nothing to say or that I'd say something stupid. So, I started calling once a week. Now, I'm far more comfortable speaking with them because I've realized the following:
1) they're my grandparents and they're cool about it when I say stupid nonsense and
2) I'm not as bad a conversationalist as I thought.

Many times, we make these scary social situations seem far worse in our heads than they really are in life. This is called "catastrophizing." It's one of several cognitive distortions that plague those with anxiety disorders. (I recommend reading up on cognitive distortions if you've never heard the term before. It's a lot easier to combat them when you can recognize how and when they work). Facing frightening situations is the only way to become comfortable in them, not only because you gain experience, but because the threat of the 'unknown' will no longer exist.

I know it sucks. Just know that you're not alone in this feeling. A lot of people face shyness and social anxiety. Try to pretend you're talking to someone who's far more nervous than yourself. That might help, too. It'll help you feel you're more in control... Eh. Truly, I wish you all the luck in the world!