My health anxiety and hypochondria are killing me with worry :(

[Angela23]

I don't even know where to start...
I'm 24 years old and it all started after my grandfather's death, I was almost 18 at the time.
He died after a week in the hospital ( he had a massive stroke ) and even though I felt really sad and scared I pretended I was okay, I thought I would be able to get over his death soon if I just ignored it, what a big mistake, I ended up in the ER 24 hours later after my first panic attack ever, there's no need to say I haven't had a day of peace ever since.
Shortly after the first panic attack I developed a lot of symptoms, first I had a terrible headache that lasted for a month, I convinced myself that I had brain cancer, not even the clear CT scan convinced me I was healthy, after the headache other symptoms followed and I started going to the doctor 3 times a week, sometimes more, if I didn't went to the doctor to get my symptoms checked I would have a panic attack, just being in the doctor's office would make me feel better. This went on for years until I eventually had real health issues, mostly stomach complaints, I think my anxiety had a lot to do with this... Anxiety really had an impact on my life and on the life of those who love me, my mother had a heart attack two years ago and I really blame myself for it, I wish I could change the way I am and be the person she wants me to be :(
Right now I'm going through a really hard time, my stomach/ bowel symtoms got worse, I've had them ever since 2010 but was too scared to get the so needed tests done, how weird, someone like me should love all types of medical tests. Right now I'm so obsessed with my symptoms, it's driving me crazy, I'm obsessed with my bowel movements, if I don't go it's either because I have an obstruction of some sort, possible cancer, if I go it's also cancer, it's making me severly depressed. I have checked all the possible causes for all my symptoms online, I always did that and it's the worst thing someone can do, I wish I hadn't read what I did :( I'm finally getting the dreaded tests done, a upper endoscopy and a colonoscopy next week, I swear I've read all the possible complications that could happen during the preparation and during the tests, I also convinced myself that's I have terminal cancer thanks to all I've read online... This is seriously awful, all this excessive worry is driving me crazy, I've been having not so happy thoughts and I really wonder, do I want to keep living like this?? I decided to post this here hoping that sharing this with someone that understand might help me a little, I'm tired of everyone around me telling me to get over it, sometimes I honestly feel like beating them, just because anxiety can't be seen it doesn't make it less serious than any other condition. I wanted to write a better post, explain things better but I can't even think straight.

[Xerosnake90]

Hello there

Your frustrations come to fruition by your desire to attempt and control your mind. We must understand that anxiety is a mental symptom arisen through a lack of action and avoidance. You mentioned yourself through the death of your grandfather and that avoidance you experience your first panic attack. You couldn't have explained anxiety and it's onset any better than you did. By avoiding your pain you've began a vicious cycle that your body wants to tell you about. This through feelings of dread and doom we create these physical manifestations that make a mental problem a physical one. And thus farther elevating your issue is your focus is now spent on these symptoms and all that could possibly be wrong.

The question is what do we do for ourselves to beat this anxiety? We begin thought alteration. We change our minds to live in the current world, not the symptom driven mental idea of that. You look at yourself from the outside and ask.. Does that person do anything to enjoy their life? Are they doing something that helps then learn as a person? And ultimately does that person truly have the drive to be a better them.

Your symptoms and state of mind will improve, but you must take charge. And by that I mean you take charge in living a normal life where you fulfill your desires. Get that new job you want, practice meditation, learn a new craft. Your distractions will become your reality and anxiety will melt away. Believe in those ideas and believe in yourself. You will rid yourselves of of the symptoms from a focal standpoint, and once you begin to ignore them the ones that come and go through feeling anxious will be lesser and lesser until finally you've forgotten about them.

If you have any questions please ask. I'm falling asleep as I write this , hope the ideas still come across.

[Pumpkin]

It kills me to read how much you're suffering. I've been through the same thing... I can't even count all the times i've diagnosed myself with cancer and other health problems. I was going to my doctor really often and I even went to the ER twice in the same week for chest pains. They told me I was fine but i'm still not completely content with their answers so i'm going to an internal medicine doctor on Wednesday morning.

I think the next conversation you should be having with your doctor is about a referral to a counsellor or some other mental health doctor if your worries persist or get worse.

It's extremely annoying when people tell you to get over your worries when they have no idea what anxiety really feels like. Getting better and worrying less is easier said than done. It's a long process and you need to have a strong support system that understands what you're going through.

I really think you should be talking to someone who understands you and keeping yourself busy throughout the day. Stay away from the internet if you're going to end up on google researching all of your symptoms. Find a good TV show... read some books... exercise... hang out with friends... anything to get out of the house!!!

I hope you can find peace eventually... good luck :D

[Luby7193]

Oh gosh, I am going through the same thing. It's horrific. Mine all started too after my Grandpa died when I was ten, I'm 21 now and honestly go to the doctors at least once a week thinking I have cancer of some type. I have a cough and convince myself it's lung cancer...most recently I had a lot of bruises on my leg and pretty much made the doctor refer me for a blood test for Leukaemia. I also do the same and self diagnose from looking at my symptoms online and have to go to a doctor once or twice just for them to reassure me. The amount of times I have thought I am going to die or end up having to stay in hospital or lose my hair because of chemo or something, it's ridiculous and so horrifically stressful. My mum especially gets angry at me because I make her worry.

I have found that accepting I'm a hypochondriac and just going to the doctors when I need to, helps. But I'm sure my doctor will be getting fed up soon. I'm sorry I don'y have much advice, but I thought you may like to know of someone else in the same boat so that when you next think "oh my god, I have cancer" or feel stupid/angry at people who don't understand, you can re-direct your thinking to it just being your hypochondria and there are other people going through it to.