skybluebird
08-13-2014, 08:39 PM
Background info: I believe I have had pretty bad problems with anxiety and depression ever since I became a teenager. I have had issues with getting the urge to cut myself every since. I had been able to control the urges well enough until last year. Then I was just too weak to hold back. I do it on my legs where no one can see them, even if I'm in a bikini. I clean the cuts and everything, so me dying is not an issue. Since I met my recent boyfriend of one year, I have been trying to get better for him, but so far I have just been able to be consistent. It seems that my urges are coming less often, but every two months my body just gets flooded with emotions every time I am not doing something to distract me. It makes me nuts and it happens even when I should have NOTHING to worry about. That is when I cut, and then my body is relieved and I can go to sleep and be stress free for a while. Just last year I tried therapy and it didn't help me at all. I realized I can talk all I want but it doesn't make me feel better once I'm back home, and I kept getting a new therapist each time so I either had to tell everything all over again or skip over big things, which was really annoying. So I just now recently started an anti-anxiety/depression medication that starts with "cita." but I don't know the full name. Obviously it hasn't started working yet because I'm at a very low dosage and I'm only one week in of using it. Anyways, I will get to the main reason of this post now...
Main problem: ever since I have been trying to slow down on the cutting, I have seemed to start up a different odd habit. I don't even know if I do it because of stress, but if I feel any bumps at all by my hairline or past my hairline (under my hair) I have a horrible need to pick at them. I have longish nails so it isn't hard for me to scratch at them enough to make them bleed and scab over. I will also pick at any dead skin I feel at all on my face or in/by my hair (even dandruff-type stuff). I don't know if I subconsciously do it because I have a need to be clean and those things mess that up or if I'm trying to compensate for not cutting... I usually pick whenever I'm watching tv and not eating something (another thing I do in spare time when I'm bored or stressed). And it's getting to the point where I will do it for 30 minutes or so at al time and I realize that I'm doing it and I say to myself that I should stop but I just keep doing it. And now I have little red spots all by my hairline where I pick at bumps and scabs and it hurts when I brush or wash my hair or wash my face. It is starting to look pretty bad and I don't want scars there. What can I do to help me stop? I've tried so many things, and half the time I just don't FEEL like doing them, like drawing or reading. And I hate deep breathing. Do you have any other advice for me?
Main problem: ever since I have been trying to slow down on the cutting, I have seemed to start up a different odd habit. I don't even know if I do it because of stress, but if I feel any bumps at all by my hairline or past my hairline (under my hair) I have a horrible need to pick at them. I have longish nails so it isn't hard for me to scratch at them enough to make them bleed and scab over. I will also pick at any dead skin I feel at all on my face or in/by my hair (even dandruff-type stuff). I don't know if I subconsciously do it because I have a need to be clean and those things mess that up or if I'm trying to compensate for not cutting... I usually pick whenever I'm watching tv and not eating something (another thing I do in spare time when I'm bored or stressed). And it's getting to the point where I will do it for 30 minutes or so at al time and I realize that I'm doing it and I say to myself that I should stop but I just keep doing it. And now I have little red spots all by my hairline where I pick at bumps and scabs and it hurts when I brush or wash my hair or wash my face. It is starting to look pretty bad and I don't want scars there. What can I do to help me stop? I've tried so many things, and half the time I just don't FEEL like doing them, like drawing or reading. And I hate deep breathing. Do you have any other advice for me?