Am I depressed??

[BrookeLynnnn]

Since my break up 4 months ago, things have been rough.

All of a sudden, I feel so sad. & I've never felt this alone in my entire life. Idk what to do :(

2 weeks ago was my last session with my counselor because he got a different job.

I don't wanna start over with a new one.

I just don't know what's happening with me. I really just wanna cry.

[Xerosnake90]

Hello there!

To diagnose depression you have to understand how depression works. Subjectively we focus on ideas and view them in ways such as "this makes me feel good" or "that upsets me". Depression leads to feelings of disconcern, numbness to emotion other than feeling down. It's easy to just feel sad, as most negative emotions are driven by a lack of effort in the attempt of making yourself feel good.

In regards of your break up, it's best for you to attempt to understand just what about the break up was it that upset you so much. It's important not to look at the end result, but how it began as well. Did you feel like this person was your salvation from loneliness and that was the pedestal they were placed upon? If so the problem is outside of the break up itself. Without more information it's hard for me to understand the exact situation. Why was this person so important for you? Did they help you on an actual positive level? I need more information in this regard.

Feeling alone is a negative mindset driven by our desire to connect and feel significant. My hunch here is that you've lived a life of feeling insignificant. Your relationship was a tool of self brought emotion that you listed as positive. Despite if that is true or not. You connected the idea of being with someone as how you will feel significant and without it, you're feeling worse and will continue to feel worse because you are avoiding the true issue of insignificance. One must learn to so the things in life they want that will make them feel significant. I for example am a "healer". I feel significant through helping others and positive motivation. That is also how I contribute to people, which is another one of our human needs.

Our 6 needs we must pay attention to are certainty, variety, significance, love and connection, growth and contribution. I recommend you evaluate the things you do in your life and how they fulfill those 6 needs. I've already noted that significance plays a role in this so make special note on understanding what makes you feel significant.

I continually use the word focus when I explain things to people because it dictates the things we do say and feel. If you constantly focus I negative ideas you'll be in a negative mindset. If you focus on the positive ideas you go through on a daily then your mind will redirect subconcious focus to that positivity and a happy and healthy mindset is created.

The law of nature known as entropy dictates all things go from a state of order to disorder in a natural environment. Humans are no exception. If we do nothing with ourselves to positively build ourselves up then we will only continue to break down over a period of time. The great thing is new ideas can be implemented in about a months time. Focus on positive ideas and instead of feeling alone, ask yourself what you can do to NOT feel alone and then do those things for a month and longer. That is a steady way to climb away from problems and into a state of better feeling.

Lastly, if you don't believe you can get better then you simply will not. Belief dictates everything. If you believe you love cats then you love cats. If you believe you're happy then you are happy. But this must be a genuine image, not a forced projection if an idea. If you've heard the phrase fake it until you make it, the same concept applies. Fake your happiness until it becomes your reality. Until you believe you're happy, something you have to allow yourself to do.

Take care and be sure to understand how you're meeting your needs. That's how you'll find your problem and the answer to how to fix it will soon follow.

[Anne1221]

I know you don't want to start over with a new counselor, but in your case, I think it would be the best course of action for you right now and in the long run, it would be the wisest decision you could make right now. Yes, you are depressed. Of course, you have a reason (the break up) but you need to get back into counseling and work on getting it better. You say you feel sad, alone and you want to cry. Those are symptoms of depression so get some help with it.

[BrookeLynnnn]

Thank you for the replies!! I talked to my mom & I am gonna go see a counselor. It's crappy not seeing my regular one who's been beside me for 4 months but I gotta get over it.

Anyways, I was with my ex for 3 years. We split about 4 months ago. He just fell out of love with me. Which I think is what makes this the hardest. & then I've talked to a few guys since the break up & they just quit talking to me. Like am I not capable of being loved? It's just sad to me.

& I had my whole life planned out with my ex. Now I have to start over with someone new. I'm 21, I figured I would be happily engaged by now..

Idk, it's just sad to me

[Xerosnake90]

Nothing's wrong with starting over. You're 21 years old of course it seems sad because it's something relatively new. Finding a partner you can stay with means figuring out what type of person is best for you and to try and find that. It's just a matter of truly understanding what we want for ourselves as well. Interest is a two way street, if people talk to you and seem to quit being interested then perhaps they're confused about your intentions. You've got to make clear what you want from that person.

Once again, starting over is not a bad thing. It's a cycle you'll repeat your entire life you just can't view it as negative or a setback. We all learn from our experiences and grow stronger each time because of them :)

Feel well!

[Pumpkin]

I'm sorry that you're going through a hard time right now. I know what it feels like when everything is going bad and you don't know how to pick yourself up again. I'm going through a little bit of a rough patch right now with college around the corner.. along with that, my friends and me have drifted a bit and they've made me feel pretty useless and worthless... like i'm replaceable. In the end, it's probably nothing serious I doubt they're purposely trying to make me feel this way but of course i'm feeling crappy about it.

As for your counsellor leaving, I can somewhat relate. In highschool, I got extremely close with my guidance counsellor and the school child and youth worker. Having to leave when I graduated was extremely difficult, especially knowing i'd lose contact with them and have to find a new support system. They were two of the best adults (besides my mom) that I had in my life and they supported me so much and made me so happy.. just knowing they were there for me at any time was enough to pick me up when I was feeling down, even without actually going to them to talk about my problems. When the year and my highschool career came to an end I got seriously depressed and felt sick to my stomach for weeks.. I hate change and i felt horrible.

I get super attached to people so it's always hard for me to get close to someone and then be forced to let go. I hope you find a new counsellor who you can really get along with and rely on because you deserve it! It might be hard at first, but you will find someone just as good as your old counsellor, if not better.

In the mean time, try to keep yourself busy by investing your time into a good show or hanging out with friends and family. Don't isolate yourself because you deserve to be happy!!

Take care :)