Angel
12-02-2005, 11:24 PM
Okay, so im clean right now. No drugs in my body what so ever.. feels really good. But im cheating a bit. I dont really do the things that i did before....like go out or hang with friends..
Today i aktually stayed after my band rehearsal, when they usually throw a get together....This is the first time i was around all those elements since like....july..
Some people kame by and were waiting to skore two ounces of pot (pot is hardly a big deal anymore, since my whole band smokes it like cigarettes). Then more people started showing up. Then that all too familiar smell of sweet whisky soon filled the air...all these people kept asking "Do you want a hit?" or "Do you wnat a shot or a drink?" and they were really suprised that i had quit. REALLY suprised...it felt okay i guess.
Then the other party favors kame into the pikture. I walked into our jam room, since we were outside by the street, and my drummer along with two other people i dont know, were kutting up several lines of cocaine on a folder...now my first reaktion was "Damn, that is a lot of coke!"...but then i started to get really really anxious. I denied that too. I went into the next room and people were setting up a room to take ecstasy...i denied that as well.
I had to leave..it was weird...that would have been my ideal party, a while back. but now i get so god damn jittery around everything. It started back when all this shit was peaking with my schizoaffective disorder and agoraphobia, and everytime i took a drug or drank too much or smoked pot, i would really flip out...im talking about having an bad acid-like experience off of just alcohol...it was fucking ridiculous.
Well, i dont know why i feel this way. Its pretty fucking stupid. I know if im gonna go on tour next year, there is going to be alot more then that around...i just wish i didnt fucking freak everytime i was around all that..
Today i aktually stayed after my band rehearsal, when they usually throw a get together....This is the first time i was around all those elements since like....july..
Some people kame by and were waiting to skore two ounces of pot (pot is hardly a big deal anymore, since my whole band smokes it like cigarettes). Then more people started showing up. Then that all too familiar smell of sweet whisky soon filled the air...all these people kept asking "Do you want a hit?" or "Do you wnat a shot or a drink?" and they were really suprised that i had quit. REALLY suprised...it felt okay i guess.
Then the other party favors kame into the pikture. I walked into our jam room, since we were outside by the street, and my drummer along with two other people i dont know, were kutting up several lines of cocaine on a folder...now my first reaktion was "Damn, that is a lot of coke!"...but then i started to get really really anxious. I denied that too. I went into the next room and people were setting up a room to take ecstasy...i denied that as well.
I had to leave..it was weird...that would have been my ideal party, a while back. but now i get so god damn jittery around everything. It started back when all this shit was peaking with my schizoaffective disorder and agoraphobia, and everytime i took a drug or drank too much or smoked pot, i would really flip out...im talking about having an bad acid-like experience off of just alcohol...it was fucking ridiculous.
Well, i dont know why i feel this way. Its pretty fucking stupid. I know if im gonna go on tour next year, there is going to be alot more then that around...i just wish i didnt fucking freak everytime i was around all that..