Even Doctors Feel the way you do.

[Rational]

I guess it’s probably been a year by now. It started innocently enough, worry, panic, fear of the unknown. As time has progressed so have the symptoms and more importantly my mental symptoms. Nearly seven months ago I received a cortisone shot, this was the beginning of something too powerful for me to control. After receiving the shot, numbness filled my body and mind, starting with arms down to my toes. After hours of panic I went to see the attending doc who had injected me. After a series of test including neurological he suggested its possible that this could be some kind of anxiety attack, and should subside. After two months of crying alone inside, reading up on the symptoms on WebMD, I was convinced I had multiple sclerosis. I received several tests and nothing came back positive, I even went as far as checking with several neurologists at my own work. Did I mention I’m a neuroscientist, who studies these neurological conditions. No matter what anyone said I was convinced this was it, the moment I had been waiting for, the moment of truth, I was going to die, slowly. Three months post psychotic episode my symptoms began to disappear, and my injury from which this all started began to reappear, coincidence? To the anxious person no, to the clear thinker, absolutely. It has been suggested that it was a bad cortisone shot, and it took that long to clear my body, I don’t think so. I was scared, I’m still scared but in a more reasonable state of mind. I can remember trying so hard to ignore it, it will go away, it will get better, it’s in your mind, I told myself. I think the reason these “symptoms” are so real is because they are. Your mind and body are one, what you need to ask yourself is who’s the driver in your life, you or your brain? If your brain is the driver, your life will be difficult, riddled with panic and fear. In my personal opinion our brain is not capable of making rational decisions, it is us who dictates what’s rational and what’s not. Even though I truly believe in this theory, I’m often controlled by this five-pound man inside my skull. I think if your more often not in a panic state-of-mind than you are your life is successful.

[Indigo_Earthling]

Rational,

Your post resonates with me on SO many levels. Although I am not a scientist, I am very interested in neurology and the study of consciousness, neurological pathways and the decision making capabilities of the prefrontal cortex. Having experienced much of what you feel regarding my own phobias, I wanted you to know that your post reminded me that doctors are humans too. That might seem silly, but I am at the point in my life where I have lost faith in Doctors who have terrible bed side manners and seem quite impatient with my anxiety. I know it may be painful now, but your experience can be a great healing medicine for the patients you treat. It's easy to talk about symptoms, but its hard to "feel" like others can help you maneuver through them. Sometimes patients seek relief not in the form of a pill, but of simple reassurance from a trusted subject matter expert. Maybe one day you will be able to help others through your experience.

Your post reminded me of something Eckhart Tolle discussed in his book, "the Power of Now" about the 3rd party observer who sees over our thoughts, feelings and emotions. Not sure what your spiritual beliefs are, but I hope you are empowered that you have made a distinction between your troubling emotional pain, and the part of you that is self aware. I recently listened to his audio book on youtube and found my level of GAD to change from an 8 to a 2 or 3. I still have anxiety, but I am much more functional-especially when my anxiety is triggered. You should check it out if you are interested in warding off this "five pound man" living in your skull. Either way, glad to hear you are feeling better.

[Dahila]

Welcome to the forum Rational, I like your post
Ekchart Tolle is a nice read, however I do not agree on everything he writes:)