please help, i dont know what to do

[maddie-_-]

Im not really sure what to do..I need therapy. I dont leave my home, I dont eat, I dont sleep, Im constantly having panic attacks or anxiety to the point I almost cant move.
Im with the NHS therapy, I am due to recieve CBT therapy in a few months but I have no faith in it. I just feel like my anxiety is so bad that they dont understand its not hormones, its real.
It got to the point I couldnt leave my house last october, and I have been getting an hour with this lady who is just making sure im not falling to bits, once every two weeks and I cant tell her anything because shes so horrible. So I bottle things up and I just feel like my heads going to explode. I dont really have any friends anymore because I tuck myself away so much, I even dont like talking online anymore because I feel like they will want me to do things I cant like going out or even going on a phone call.

I have nightmares every single night, either about *emet trigger* vomit or like last night, I had a dream I got cancer. I am scared to sleep incase I wake up ill, and I dread the nightmares. I feel like my teen years are being robbed from me, and no one will listen because they cant see my anxiety. I just need a therapist who believes in me. I just need someone to believe I can recover, becuase I dont really believe it anymore.

I am also due to begin my old school in september, and I am not ready. People are pushing me to do things I cant do..I am diagnosed with emetophobia (severe phobia of vomit) and severe depression. My mum wont let me on medication, and I have no help..I just feel so f*cking angry and like im about to go insane if I bottle it up anymore. I tried to tell a close friend about my depression and anxiety, and he told me my life was really easy and I shouldnt complain. I just need a real friend :( Im sorry im such a miserable person, shit changes people..The thing that hurts so much also, is that my 5 year best friend doesnt even know. I cant even tell her. But because I stay at home and cry all the time, she doesnt ask if Im ok, she just makes new friends. I have been forgotten totally:/ My dad doesnt even call anymore. He doesnt text me either. He cant come to our house, well thats a lie, he can, he just doesnt.

[NixonRulz]

I don't understand if you are in such a bad way, it takes that long to get an appointment to see someone.

Guess the US healthcare isn't too far from that on the path we are on.

You really sound like you would benefit from meds

Why won't your mom let you take something if you already have a diagnosis? That's just screwed up

AD's can help so much and would get you feeling pretty good again with way less bad thoughts

I hope the mom sees the need for you to take something

You're too young to have to be dealing with this nonsense

Prayers to you......free of charge

[snowberry]

Book an emergency appointment with your GP first thing tomorrow morning - you don't have to tell your mother. Make sure you stress that it is an emergency, or you'll have to wait three weeks. Tell your doc that you can't function right now and that you need some help, that your mother is against you getting meds but that you are not eating/sleeping etc.

They might not be able to give you a prescription straight away but they will have to act once they see the state you're in. They might still be asshats about it, but in that case you can at least ask them to talk some sense into your mother.

As for CBT, don't decide that it won't help before you've even begun. It's used so widely among professionals because it gets amazing results. You have nothing to lose by trying it, so even if you get your meds please give it a go. :)

[maddie-_-]

thanks guys but ill wait till after the holiday. i hope it will relax me a little and i can get my head in a better place for when we return to the stress of everyday life. i have my appointment with the lady who most people have one time then straigh to therapy, but ohhh nooo not me, i have to wait a 6 month waiting list. and no one ever believes me because its so stupid, they think im lieing or attention seeking because no one has to wait that long for cbt. well i do..aha.
i tried speaking to my mum about meds so many times but she wont even let my doctor try and talk her into it:/

[cindy_xox]

I've been there before , too. Last year. Worse part of my life. It was scary to the point where I would've prefered to have a cancer. Your mom really should let you take medicines. By what you have said, I guess you are not 18 yet? Well you could take an appointment with the doctor and your mom, so he could explain to her everything about the meds. It doesn't have to be taken all your life you know? I took meds for depression ( and i'm not suffering from one ) , last year around september because I really was in a bad mood. I left school too. And it took me months to go back to school. Now I can say that I can stop them slowly soon. I know it's hard to talk about it. You constantly feel like you're going crazy. You're afraid to talk about it, because you fear people will call you a freak. But you'd be surprised how many people out there go through things like that. If you are too scared to talk right now, keep coming on the forum. It will show you how much people can understand you. I've read a lot of books about anxiety, i've read many sites about it too. My friends know I have anxiety, they don't judge me, but they can't really understand me because they don't have anxiety. One of the most important thing to do, is don't stay innactive. Do something! If you're too scared going outside, take baby steps. Go down the street. Or sit in the backyard if it's possible and take fresh air. If you really don't wanna go outside, just stay inside but do something you love. Read, take a bath, write, cook, clean, whatever it is that will take your mind off of things. What sucks the most is that what is good to fight the anxiety, is always scary and hard. But once it's done, trust me sweetie, you WILL feel better. Don't forget that the forum is always there for you. If your friends are really letting you down, well they aren't real friends. I've learned that last year. And many of my friends are still behind me.
Take care of yourself.

x

[Exactice]

Maddie, I promise this is coming from the right place, please take my words as my honest opinion with the greatest amount of respect =)

First off, I have been following some of your post and I can really read your struggles and frustrations. I cant say I understand you or have gone through what you have but I can sense it through what you have shared.

Ok now here is the big loving brother speech. You need to believe in yourself first! You have to try your hardest to work inside of you first and share your thoughts. Even if its to the wall, a notebook or a diary here. It needs to come out! Dont hold it in. Next you need to believe in the tools you have inside of you that will get you going first. Meds is not the answer initially. It will help but dont feel like its the savior to make all things go away. What you have in your head, your heart and in your hands is the perfect tool to get that motor running.

To begin the healing process you have to start the healing from within. Think of it this way you were fine for so many years and now you are going through a lot of changes. Those changes are stressful yes but nothing that millions of young adults like yourself have not gone through. Its just how you deal with the stress.

Maddie again, with my deepest sincerity, look inside your head and your heart and BELIEVE you have the tools, BELIEVE that you can conquer this thing called anxiety. Everyday you need to tell yourself and remind yourself throughout the day! Dont stop until you get more additional help from your therapist and us, But everyday, tell yourself that you will overcome this!

You can do it Maddie, we are all rooting for you!

[Mark A. Camacho]

Go for morning walk and eat hygienic food.....